I deal with this on a daily manner, except my kids are the not so favored ones. My mom spoils my sisters kids so much and does nothing for my kids really. I used to get really mad and upset but now I realize there is not much I can do, so I just let it be and have actually built a great relationship with my MIL who adores my children and treats them so well. My kids are starting to notice the difference and I am honest with them about it. I tell them I dont know why things are like this but we just have to love grandma and accept her the way she is. My kids know that they are loved by thier granny and they accept grandma for who she is and I have realized it is her not my kids who are really missing out. I would tell your mother that you are not comfortable with her actions and will not condone it and she should realize that one day she is gonna have to answer some pretty hard questions from those kids and is she gonna be proud of the answers she has to give? This just might make her realize the error in her ways. Good luck with this.

Won't your brother and his children find it "odd" that you and your family weren't there for their celebration, and again, won't YOUR children think the same when he isn't there? I would think that would be setting them up to fail as family in the future, as when when they are grown themselves. I hope that my children and their cousins (both my sister's kids and my dh's brother's kids) all grow up close and stay close. Family is important. I am not judging, so please don't think that...just trying to give a point of view I hadn't seen mentioned....from the children's eyes.

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momof3 I do understand what you are saying but I don't think my mom believes that she will have any questions to answer because I don't think she believes she will be a part of their life long term, I don't know that we are the kids' "family" I'm not saying it's right it's just true

blessed- one of my kids may ask but not necessarily we are not all that close and just started doing xmas the last couple of years

I'll give some more backround (and belive me when I say this is just the tip, I won't bore you with all the gory details)- my brother is not the best father, he doesn't always see his kids regularly and by that I mean 3-6 months could go by without a visit, of course it is always someone elses fault usually the mom of the kid or life in general for making him poor and giving him a raw deal. I do feel really bad for these boys, in the past I've talked many times with him about this but he always has an excuse. I don't think either of them have the best mother either. The one my brother didn't even know about until he was 3 and he is 6 now. I've met him 3 maybe 4 times total and never his extended family. The other I've spent more time when he was younger like 1-3 but have only seen 2 times in the last 3 years. My mom hasn't seen them much more than I. With my brother when you see him it's usually because he wants something. Again I'm not trying to justify anything just giving more info as to why my kids wouldn't find it odd if they are not there. Last year only 1 boy was there and the year before neither was. We have told my brother we can schedule xmas around when he has the boys but for whatever reason plans change and he usually ends up without at least 1.

I'm still not sure how it will play out. I talked with her some today. We may still all have it together and either we will come much earlier so the kids can open their presents before he arrives or I will ask her to bring the majority of items over the next day. I will not be opening presents in front of them. I play on giving his boys gifts too so they will not be missing out on anything.

I don't think anyone has attacked me on this but was a little gun shy because of past issues.

Lastly I do know how it feels to be on the other side too. My kids are not the favorite of my dad and his wife or my MIL. Both of those have favorites and it is very obvious also, both kids and grandkids. I've had to answer questions from my kids in response to why doesn't so and so like me as well. That is the reason I want to make sure I do the right thing for and my brothers kids.