Sorry if this is long but I have no one else to talk to about this and I need to vent.
My husband has a jeckel and hyde complex I swear. One minute he is the nicest, sweetest most fun person to be around; he is such a good daddy and husband when he's "normal" that I just count my lucky stars, the next, he does things totally un-explainable and its as if common sense just totally left his mind for a while.
Here's what happened:
I waitress part time to help out with extra money and just to have some "me" time; usually on the weekends. So anyway, I worked last night and it was slow due to some storms we've had here and people not wanting to be out with the roads being icy. I got home around 10pm (early for a Friday) and was happy because I wanted to get some cleaning done and maybe even do some decorating. So I get home, go upstairs and my husband (I wont say "DH" because right now, he is NOT dear to me!!) was asleep. No, not asleep, he was PASSED out.
~ Ok, so there's something you need to know -- my husband is a recovering alcoholic. Its a long story, but basically, his dad was an alcoholic, I knew nothing about it (or didn't think much of his drinking rather) when we got married and its been a thorn in our marriage for a LONG time. He has been to two different rehab programs and I don't think either one did him much good. I basically told him either he stops drinking or DS and I are gone and he would never see him again. To his defense, I DO believe alcoholism is a disease and he has NEVER been a raging alcoholic or gotten violent or anything like that. He's a passive drunk and even though its put a lot of strain on our marrige, we've always worked through it. Recently, he's had a better handle on it and has only been drinking beer MAYBE once a week, if that. No liquor and never when I'm not home. He's been doing well since May of this year and I've had no major incidents since then. ~
Back to the story. So he is Passed OUT and my heart just sinks. I knew he's been drinking. I have super-high alcohol detecting abilities - unfortunately comes from my experiences as the wife of an alcoholic. So anyway...here's the kicker. He was sooo drunk I could smell it on him and he would NOT wake up for anything. Meaning, he had been drinking the WHOLE TIME HE WAS WATCHING OUR DS. On top of this, I check on DS and he's wide awake. Thankfully, still in his bed and not roaming around the house while his daddy was passed out. I don't even want to THINK of what might have happened.
As you can imagine I am beyond mad. Not only because he was doing such a good job to this point, but because this has happened before and I told him that if it ever happened again I was done. But wait, there's more!!!
Apparently he got drunk at our neighbors house. Our FEMALE (who's husband is away on business) neighbor's house. They were drinking together while I was at work last night with my DS right there the whole time. Granted, I HIGHLY doubt anything happened, but it still seems VERY inappropriate to me and I am shocked that she allowed it. Not to mention my husband. We have a good relationship with several of our neighbors and hang out all the time together, but being a very down to earth, sensible person, I am really surprised that she didn't have a problem with it. I'm also highly disappointed with my husband for obvious reasons.
Oh you thought I was done?? NOPE. As if all that wasn't enough to make me furious....I was checking my email today and a friend of mine sent me a couple pictures. So I open the Picture Manager to view them and use the little arrows to go back and forth between the pictures and decide to see what else is on there. Well apparently Picture Manager saves all the "cookies" (ie: pics from sites you visited recently) and it started going through pics that the computer saved from websites that had been visited recently. So I'm scrolling through and find ****. Lots of it too. It was so disgusting. It would be: picture of a website I'd been on (checks website I used to order checks recently) and then a naked girl in some vulgar position and then a picture from eBay and then a sex picture....it was so disgusting I got sick to my stomach.
So anyway I go to the history (had to look for that because I'd never checked it before) and yep, he's visited the same **** sites over and over without me knowing. What really upsets me about that is not only do I feel betrayed, but I also worry that my DS has seen some of that. He obviously only looks at it when I'm gone and sometimes that's a lot between work and managing my mom's group and running errands after he gets home from work.
I am just SOOOO upset and angry I don't even know what to do. Instead of blowing up at him last night, I brought DS downstairs and we decorated the tree together and I cleaned practically my whole downstairs. I figured that would be a better retailation than screaming and yelling because I know he wanted to decorate the tree as a family. It also helped me to cool down a little and I wasn't *quite* so upset this morning. But after finding the **** today, I am just flabbergasted. I have no idea what to do or where to start in deciding what to do. I started yelling at him today a little bit and DS came downstairs and started yelling at me saying stuff like "don't you talk my daddy like that" and I just had to walk away because I didn't want to continue that in front of him. I am just so hurt. I had to leave. I went and spent a bunch of money finishing my Christmas shopping and when I got home, locked myself in the bedroom wrapping gifts and eating chocolate and watching TV. I am so embarrassed to even post this but if I don't, I think my chest will explode from the stress of it all. My head hurts, my pride hurts, my jaw hurts from clenching it so tight but most of all my heart hurts. Here I was, trusting and believing I was the only one for him and that he was honestly trying to beat his drinking problem and now he we are again - back at square one. I am at a loss for words and actions and need some advice because I am just drained.
Sorry to make this soooo, sooo long. I just needed to get it out.
I am: Angry, Upset, Hurt and ready to Cry
). But I've seen the problems it has caused in my parents marriage and the resentment my mom has towards his drinking, now that my brother and I are out of the house my dad sits on the back porch drinking while my mom is inside by herself. He also "sneaks" drinks, he'll hide in the closet, gulp it down real fast so you can't tell how much he's drunk, etc, and when you call him on it it just causes huge argumentes because it's everyone elses fault that he has to sneak his drinks. And don't get me started on what he's done to their finances and the finances in the past when he was in the army. My mom has told me some stuff that would make your toes curl, like when she came from visiting her parents in Germany and my dad blew his whole check on beer and cigarrettes and they had NO money for food.
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