Have any of you ever lost yourself and if you found yourself,how did you do it?I will give you a recap of what my life is like.I have been married for over 15 yrs,have 3 kids ages 14,12 and 6...almost 7.My hubby drives truck and I am always at his beck and call via phone.I dont have many friends and whom I do have is via internet.I feel like a loner and I live for everyone else besides me.I have been thinking of the song by Reba McEntire "Is there life out there" as that is how I feel anymore.I have dreams...I wanna go back to school,and basically make something of myself as I am not getting any younger.I am now 34.I know as a mom...esp a SAHM...I am devoted to my family but I have found my every thought and move is in regards to my family.
I thought that this yr when all 3 of my kids would be in school all day that I would be able to take care of me.Well...that was only a dream as it has not come true yet.My phone..cell phone= hubby..rings constantly.I can never just be left alone so I can think or even pick up a book and open it.If I ignore his calls..which I have tried before..he would call th ehouse phone.If I dont answer it,I get nasty messages from him...something about playing games..I feel I cant win.I know he gets bored but I am not always bored...If I am "bored" it is b/c I dont feel like doing anything.There is plenty for me to do.

I love my family with all my heart but I am seriously starting to resent them.Esp. my hubby whom thinks I live for him.


I need some serious help from someone...BTW...I have tried to talk to hubby about giving me some room to breathe but it turns into a big fight with him getting all defensive.He throws it in my face he is gone all week and gets lonely.


HELP!

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~~Sharon~~

I too have forgotten who I am. I have very few friends and the ones I have I dont really like but I guess I keep hanging out wiht them becuase its better than being alone. My kids are 4 and 1 I have been married for 7 yrs and in that 7 yrs its been all about my husband.
I follow him every where and stay home so I'm here when ever he needs me. I wish I could tell you how to fix it but I'm trying to find out myself. A few days ago I told my dh that next fall I'm takeing a course at bcc and I dont care what he had planned but hes just going to have to take a back burner for the semister, He just looked and me and said "ok".
I guess if I was you I'd say do something for yourself without asking anyone for permission and they will have to deal wiht it. JUst do it no questions asked and your dh might surprise you with his reaction. I believe that to be the best mom we can be we have to be happy and if you have girls you need to teach them not to give themselves up to anybody.

Take a part time job then he then wont be able to call you. IF you feel you cant do that then volunter at your kids school. YOu will meet people and be availabel to your kids when and if they need you. JUst start somewhere and you'll be surprized how fast you remember things you use to love to do.

The journey of a thousand miles startes with one small step.

Man ,if I could just learn to take my own advice

Oh honey I have so been there ! But my Dh did it because he had trust issues. He always thought if he could get me on the phone I was off cheating. Its hard to leave the house and turn the cell off just to get five seconds to yourself cause then you worry about one of the kids getting hurt at school and them not being able to reach you. You cant go to a family members house because he has their number and will call you there. In my case the only way I got tony to back off and let me breath was coming real close to having a break down. I know that sounds crazy but i did . I felt I couldnt get away I had not life and i felt like everything was closing in on me. We all need time to just think , be alone , time to be just kim , not mommy not wife just kim . maybe you can turn your phone off and ringer from the house phone and let your voice mail get it. Run you hot bubble bath light some candles and soak , then read you a nice book. I wish men understood these things. I still say 90% of men need to come with a handbook on how to treat a woman hehe

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Wow, I am in the same boat. Its really hard, you just feel so stuck with no options. I dont know what to tell you considering I am struggling with it myself. Just know that there are others out there just like you. I will keep you in my thoughts.

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I know I am not alone that is why I asked for help.He has been home scince Thursday due to avoiding the big storm in the mid west which we were totally spared from just living in NW Indiana.I mean we really could have used the money to pay bills but I would rather have him home and safe instead.On Thursday and Friday he was not feeling good...sinuses..Yesterday he wa sbetter.He did nothing scince he has been home but make me feel lousy.He complained about 2 meals I made for him,he ignored me unless he was being rude.Just last night,he made a comment about me cheating on him out of haste b/c I was very tired and just wanted to sleep instead of having quality time with him.I just said kiss my f***** a**.I am done...he gets mad when I dont feel good but god forbid if he doesnt feel good,he gets what he wants.He also live don the phone,computer or just planted his a** in front of a movie or show nobody was interested in.I confronted him about not being "here" when he is here and he got all defensive.

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~~Sharon~~

Well for your own sanity sake, you need to seize the moment and just start making time for yourself, with or without his support. If you are available for him, you are available, if not, he'll have to make do. If by doing this, will put you into better spirits, it's absolutely necessary that you take some time out for yourself.

My suggestion is to look into some classes and then bring that info home with you. Have dh look at it and tell him you're interested in taking a class. Give him the schedule and that's it. Make the decision to do it and then just do it. He will have to adjust. Ignore his nasty messages if he's going to be childish about it. Sounds to me like he's taking you for granted anyway. Maybe by you not being there so much he may change his way and learn to appreciate you and care about what YOU do. If he doesn't, that's HIS problem and you are NOT to feel guilty about it.

I have been there too. These ladies are giving you great advice. I thought I was having a mid-life crisis at 27. But I did finally figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life and stopped living for other people first. You have to make yourself happy first before you can make anyone else happy. I am a firm beleiver in that one!! Good luck and hang in there!!

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Stacey

“Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why. ~ Eddie Cantor

You've already received great suggestions here. It sounds like you are reaching the end of your tolerance for your life the way it is, and change is coming!

My advice is to first make a list of what is most important to you right now. Going back to school will probably be on it, as well as taking care of your family.

Next, you need to figure out how to obtain the things on the top of your list. Call some schools, tell them you want to apply for admission, and ask for an interview with an admissions counselor because you have lots of questions. Ask about and apply for any grants you are eligible for (it's free money for school), ask about the cost of tuition and books, and days and times of the class(es) you will be taking. Figure out who will be caring for your kids during your class(es), and how you are going to get to school. You can do this.

Then, you present this all to your husband. You tell him you are reaching the end of your tether, some things must change, some will stay the same like caring for him and your children, but this is what you must do, and this is how you are going to do it. Tell him you are going to do this anyway, but ask for his support.

Your life is changing direction, anyway. Grab the reins now and take it where you want it to go. Change may be scary, but it's also powerful and exciting!

Cheers, from
SwampWitch

Thanks ladies.I know I am the only one who can make the change and I have to be the one to initiate it.
This morning was rough.Hubby woke up...the kids have done ticked me off with their crap and and all and I was making breakfast and poor hubby got his head ripped off.I was onto him for a couple of hrs.He didnt see it coming lol.

We talk,screamed and yelled and we have come to the conclusion of my problem.My older 2 do nothing but fight,bicker,scream at each other,pick fights and poke their noses into each others buisness and with in min.,we have WW3 going on here which of coarse stresses me out.This also makes me loose any energy I need to move on threw the day and what not.Not to mention...they throw 2 yo temper tantrums when they are asked to do the simplest thing like clear their dishes off of the table and start whineing why they have to do it which of coarse upsets me as they are showing their laziness.My older 2 can stress me out to the max w/i 5 min. and I have no time,energy nor patience for anything or anyone else.I was finding my hubby to be insensitive to me needs which are greater then I thought and was blaming him for all of my weaknesses.So the stem of my problems are my older 2 as they are so "needy" with me having to deal with all of that on top of my little ones actuall needs and my hubbys needs.
With in the hr they are up,they exhaust me...even if I slept good.They go to school leaving a tired,frustrated and pissed off mommy at home and when hubby calls me needing me,I dont wanna deal with him b/c I have already had such a horrible morning with the kids.

So once we figured out my problem...we got the kids involved and confronted them.I know there is going to be some conflict between them and them with me but they go to an extreme.

Also...I told hubby he really SHOULD think twice before he says something to me that may hurt me.Like the comment about me cheating on him while we are in bed.Even he admits he dont know when I would have time.I am very devoted to him and when he is home,I wanna spend good quality time with him...not fight.This is the first fight we had in monthssss.So I guess it was due.

But still...I did express to him this morning,I want to be able to do something with my life other then deal with family issues.And scince our "talk" and finding out that the older 2 are the ones taking all of my time up with their 2 yo BS,things WILL change around here or heads will roll.He does support me on that but I just need to take the next step.

Hubby has left for another long week...I will not see him again untill Saturday.I told him after the talk with the kids,today will feel akward lol...they will be "perfect little angels" lol.

But anyway thanks for listening to me this morning.Now that many tears have shed by me,us screaming and yelling for a couple of hrs and confronting the older 2,something may come out of this.It is not fair for me to be this unhappy nor anyone else.As they say if momma isnt happy,nobody will be(I think that is how it goes lol).

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~~Sharon~~

Why not plan on starting school in the spring or even next fall? It takes time to get every together so why not start planning now?