Some of you may remember my Marine cousin was killed in Iraq on Oct. 1. Well, my aunt had a special dinner in his honor Sat. night and we all came away with an envelope as well as other memorial-type items. The envelope said not to open until you get home and when we did there was a check for $5k along with a letter from my aunt saying that my cousin wanted us to have it. She also said our loan from her for $10k was paid in full.
So now what? We have some bills to catch up on, but I feel awkward to spend it. Everyone in our family feels like her spending is out of control. He was her only son and she was basically working to put him through college and help with his wedding, and now she can't. We did take $500 and buy some memorial t-shirts-for every shirt you buy, they ship 2 to Iraq. We are going to sell them and donate the money to Marines Helping Marines.

Well, if it were me, and I truly thought her spending was out of control and she would need the money eventually, I would save the $5k in a CD or other interest bearing account until she needed it. JMO

I agree her spending may be just a way of dealing with her grief. I think she is doing things that she thinks would make her son happy. I would hold onto the money for a while and see if she ask for it back of if she ask for help. I would also keep in mind that this may have been something her and her son talked about before he left. I know that my brother and I have had some talks of this kind before he left to go overseas a couple of years ago, she may only be doing what he wanted and if that is the case you should be honored and use the money in a way that would make him proud.

I would send her a card letting her know of your charity work and thanking her for her generosity and give her a call and make sure it's what she wants. Then you shouldn't feel guilty, I'm sure it makes her feel a little better knowing she can help her family.

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A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water.-Eleanor Roosevelt

Is it possible that the $ might be from his life insurance? A friend's husband was in the resurvers(sp) for a couple years before a medical discharge and I remember her saying that he had great life insurance. He was supposed to go to Iraq before the discharge and she talked about how they didn't need to worry about getting any insurance because his military life insurance amount would go up so much when he went overseas.

It might be from that and he could have talked with him mom about what to do with the $ just incase anything happened to him.

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My philosophy for 'found' money ...

1/3 goes to paying off debt. If you don't have debt set it aside for some short-term future purchase of a needed item (this includes college funds, bringing your 401k up-to-date, gifting to your favorite charity, etc).

1/3 goes into long term savings (money you will NOT touch again - ever) or investment.

1/3 goes to pay for something fun and a true treat for the whole family. Celebrate the gift through how you use this portion of the money. Spread the wealth and have fun with this portion.

If he was killed his life insurance was 250,000 he may have put in his will, which the military makes the guys/gals do before they leave. So I would either put it in savings till you decide what to do with it.


I am sorry for the lose of your cousin.

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Casey loving wife to Steven mom to 4 bratty girls Amanda, Rebecca, Jessica and Makayla
Where did my baby go

Sorry for your loss.

Similar situation happened to us recently. Not the same $$ amount, but somewhere close.

Our stipulation was that it was requested that we donate 10% of it to a charity in honor of our relative that passed away. (which we had no problem doing). Sounds like you are doing the same thing with the tee shirts.

If you don't have immediate needs for the money--maybe savings would be the best option.

What she said. Your aunt is not in her right mind at this time. It would be really nice if you would look out for her future by saving this money for her.

Cheers, from
SwampWitch

I am so sorry for your loss.
If you put the money in a money market account and sit on it for a year or so, you will be able to asess whether or not your aunt is financially stable. If she is, then the money can be spent without question or guilt. If she is not, you can repay her gift by helping her out. Give yourself time and pray about it.

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Blessings, Susan