I've been thinking all day.. holding my son while he napped, grateful to have him in my arms. Thinking about my sister, who lost her 3 1/2 year old son this past June, and how she'd give anything to have him back again. Thinking about a friend who's pregnant after miscarrying twins. I haven't found myself feeling better, and I think it may just be some hormonal flux or something (I just finished my period). When my mom mentioned the latest pregnancy news (the girlfriend mentioned above), I had to hold back tears while she was all excited and happy for her. I feel like such a loser - I mean how pathetic am I that I can't be happy for my girlfriend in this? Ashamedly, I even found myself thinking "It's not fair - she didn't even want kids!"
That's just sad that I'd think that! Thank you all for your support - I thought it would get easier, but I guess not in one day...
|have you talked to your doctor about this yet? Apparently, secondary infertility is more common than you think. I have had several friends battle with it - successfully, I might add and without expensive treatment.|
I have talked to my doctor about it. She said it could be a number of different things. She sent me for tests on my thyroid (results haven't come back yet), told me to gain like 10 pounds to boost my chances, as I'm underweight (I'm trying everything - and everything is making me lose weight or stay steady, not gain anything). She said she won't consider it as secondary infertility yet, because of the other factors that could be the problem and could be fixed without the fertility treatments. She has suggested I go on birth control for a few months to snap my body into regular menstruation/ovulation cycle, but my body does not do well on bc AT ALL. I was severely depressed for the first 6 months of our marriage because of the Depo shot. After that, I tried pills and no hormone combination works. My original dr told me my body just can't handle the excess hormones, no matter which ones they are (estrogen, progesterone...) I'm petrified to try another, even though my MIL tells me I might be able to handle Yasmin (I guess my SIL is on it and hasn't had any bad side effects). Also, I have a 2 year old, and DH is worried if I take it, I will get depressed again and won't be able to care for DS accordingly. It's like a vicious circle. I want the next baby to be conceived in the Lord's timing - as He is the one who knows the right timing for everything. But why, then, do I find myself so upset when it's someone else's "right timing"?
Suddenly it seems so cruel that there are like 8 girls all around me expecting babies.. I know it's really selfish b'c there are people who can't have kids and are desperately wanting them, and I already have a little 2 yo boy. But I want another baby so badly and we've been trying for over a year now, with nothing. All my girlfriends that are pregnant go to bed naked and wake up with child.. Why am I like this?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!
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