I posted this a few weeks ago:

What do you make of this situation?

It's gotten weirder since then!

On Christmas Day, Sandra called and invited our daughter to come to her place to play on that day or the 26. I told her that's great, and the 26th would be fine. Sandra, our daughter, and Michelle went to the wax museum (it's just a few blocks away), and then they played for an hour at her apartment.

We invited Michelle to come for the day that Friday, and she came and they played, and my husband took them swimming. All was good, I thought.

Sandra had said she would pick up Michelle at 4:30, and she called at 4:00, saying that her brother would pick up Michelle instead, since she would be about 20 minutes late. I told her Michelle was welcome to stay until Sandra could pick her up, but Sandra insisted that her brother come because she had said 4:30.

The next week (the kids were still off from school), we weren't able to invite Michelle again. We had two other friends come and play with our daughter, we had two doctor appointments, Lily had her vet appointment, and we had an appointment at the bank.

So... Monday school starts again, and we are outside waiting for the bell to go in, and Sandra walks past me, ignoring me again. I said hello to her, then followed her for a couple of steps, explaining that we had hoped to have Michelle over again, but had a busy week. She didn't say anything, but continued walking away.

This week at school, our daughter and Michelle played during recesses on Monday and Tuesday, but Michelle refused to play with her Wednesday through Friday! My daughter tried to call Michelle Wed. night, but Michelle said she couldn't talk and would call her Thursday night (never did).

I tried to catch up with Sandra Thurs. and Fri. mornings but she was completely avoiding me, leaving through side doors, etc. and I didn't pursue.

I'm really tired of his ridiculousness. The last time I had a conversation with Sandra, she told me I was one of her best friends. My family's discussed this at home, and can find absolutely nothing that could cause her to act like this! Like I said, I haven't been able to have a conversation with her... how have I offended her? I don't gossip, or betray trusts.

My daughter is pretty upset, so I am going to try once more for her sake. I think I will try to call Sandra, and if she doesn't pick up, I'll leave a message that I'd like to talk to her, and to please call me back. If she doesn't, I thought I'd go by her apartment to try to work things out.

What do you think? How am I supposed to talk to someone who has totally shut me out? Can envy do this?

I'm confused and disappointed. How do we expect nations to get along when individuals are acting like this? I've never encountered anything like this! I don't know WTF is going on!

I'll eagerly read any advice you have. I'll update if/when there's progress. Thanks for listening!

Cheers, from
SwampWitch

I don't have any insight or advice for you. I try my best to steer away from high maintenance people who behave this way...it's just too stressful wondering what is going on all the time. Who has time for it?

It's sad that your daughter likes this girl so much and I commend you for continuing to make such an effort when, obviously, this other woman is not all there.

I agree with this. My first inclination is to just forget her as friendship should not be this much work. But if your dd is upset I can see making another effort. But at some point if this continues, I'd stop worrying about it and just have dd start inviting other children without drama queen mothers.

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This makes me so sad for your daughter, but I think its time to move on. You both will have to find new friends. Do you think she found out something about you she may not like. Kwim?
Not something you said or did but just something about you that maybe she didnt knwo.Soes she have a new friend in her life?
I knwo that I have a friends who comes and goes , it just depends on who else is available to her. SHe has a friend that she thinks is great so when she is around I dont hear from her.

I say cut your losses now. I know that sounds cold but unfortunatly children learn from thier parents and in a few years do you want your daughter to be treated like this? I think it is sad that your family has to go throught this now, but if you cut ties now it will be a lot easier while they are young. Kids can easly bounce back and get over stuff like this pretty quickly and should recover soon. If the girls play at school then fine but I would not do anymore play dates and I would incourage your daughter to play with others and invite others over. Kids have a way of working these things out themselves and avoiding these things. If this mother talks to you great if she doesnt then let her be, she obviously has more issues than you need to worry about. Good luck

She sounds like a nut. I would try to find a different friend. If you leave the message on the machine, you have already done more than your part trying to get to the bottom of it. Her rudeness walking by you without speaking would have been enough for me.

I'm sorry. I know it hurts. Give your daughter a big hug. I feel for her, this was truly not fair.

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The mighty oak started out as a nut that held its ground.

I am sure I have been watching too much TV news- my thought is maybe she has taken her daughter away from her father and maybe her daughter is asking ?s since she is spending time with you and seeing your husband around. She may be asking her mom about her dad? Not sure why she would just disconnect like that.

Hope it all works out

My very 1st reaction to this is how does she act when your daughter is at their house? I mean if she is rude and weird to you , how is your daughter treated when over there? 2nd reaction I try not to pick my kids friends but my 1st concern is my child's safety and well being and I just don't think she is getting as much out of the freinship as the other girl.
One more thing I forgot how old yur daughter is but girls are mean. THat queen bee thing and all that. It starts so early now 2nd or 3rd grade and can last into H.S. Some girls never get out of that mentality and I really think that the reason sometimes are how their moms get into the drama with them. Do you think that the freind might be doing this to your daughter?
It usually starts with one day playing with them and the next day refusing to say "BOO" to the girl and then getting others to do the same.
Since I have 2 daughters and I work at a school I know how heartbreaking it can be. I also have one daughter who doesn't like to discuss a lot of these issues. Ask your daughter if she is hesitant or clams up talk to her teacher. You don't have to ask about your daughter and this girl only ask about the dynamics of the girl structure in the class and if there have been any problems. JUst a thought I hope it works out well for your daughter whatever you decide!

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Karen

I left a message on Sandra's machine, and she called back. She said she couldn't talk about our "issues" with Michelle there, but Michelle would be gone at 2:00 and would call back then.

She called back, and asked what's wrong. I told her, "I've obviously upset or hurt you in some way..." and she interrupted, "I thought you were mad at me!" She proceeded to tell me that I wasn't saying hello to her, was ignoring her... she told me I talk to my other friend more than her! Then she asked me when my husband was going out of town again (this is when we had them over the most). There is another no school/no daycare date coming up in Februrary, too. I can't help but wonder if that's why she's being nice now.

She wasn't being honest, BUT, she made an effort, so I played along. It will be interesting to see if the girls play together at school this week. But Michelle is going to be invited over ONLY if my daughter brings it up, and asks me.

I'm not inviting Sandra over again. But I'll be pleasant if our daughters want to continue their friendship.

Thanks for all your ideas and well-wishes!

Cheers, from
SwampWitch

p.s. My husband was at the grocery store, and saw S & M there TWICE - just before 2:00, and at about 2:20 - before and after Sandra called. She had said Michelle would be gone then.

I think the woman has some odd behaviors and if I were you, I wouldn't play her games. You have made plenty of attempts to reach out to her - if it were me, I'd try to limit my contact with her as much as possible.

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"It doesn't matter who you are, or where you come from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always." ~Oprah~