I know y'all probably get tired of hearing of my woes...but I really don't have anywhere else to get this out. I have ONE friend here locally that will listen and sympathize and let me cry. My other friends would let me cry too, but ... I dunno ... I don't feel that they carry it with them and pray for me. I guess I feel that they just shake it off because it's not their family.

The last few weeks have been a nightmare with dd. I posted that she lost her Washington trip, but she didn't really care...that was no real punishment for her. They are now leaning toward a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder for her. EVERY mental health care professional I have spoken with about her has mentioned it...and we will be assessing her in the next few weeks. I can't tell you alot about the disorder as I haven't read enough on it myself. For more information you can go to http://www.radkids.org if you'd like. Basically, something happens in the first two years of a child's life that causes them to almost completely shut down emotionally. They mostly function in life like a robot. They do feel sadness, hurt, disappointment, happiness, joy, etc., but it's very short lived and there is little to no emotion in their lives. Therefore, they also have little to no conscience...so it's very, very difficult to reward or punish them because they just don't care...they don't know how. While I feel very sad for her and know it's not her fault, she has been horrible lately. I will shamefully admit that there are times I don't want her near me...I don't want to be in the same room with her...and I don't even want to hear her talk. PLEASE DO NOT flame me...I can't help it. I still function as her mother and I LOVE her...I LOVE her dearly...but there are times I DO NOT like her behavior. I won't go into all of the details because alot of the things she does seems "petty" to most...but it's daily...4-5 times daily, sometimes more, that she's doing SOMETHING to get into trouble. She lies SO much that she can never tell the same story twice. She has bitten my 8 year old SO hard that she left not only her teeth prints, but the prints of her braces on her leg. She shaved her forehead...along her hairline...she cut her own hair...just chopped the sides of it off....just alot of crazy unusual things.

THEN....we've had trouble again with our 11 y/o ds. It's been building for awhile, but we've gotten notes from his teacher, he's totally off task, his behavior is unacceptable at school and he is also lying now too. He has a very small bedroom and it is HIS chore to clean it in the evening when he comes in from school. He is so slow about it that it sometimes takes him 2-3 hours to clean it. The other night I set my foot down and told him he couldn't eat supper until his room was clean...and I meant it. He gets home at 3:50 p.m. ... it was 9:00 p.m. before he ate...and even then his room wasn't acceptably clean. So I told him then that the next time it took him omre than an hour to clean his room, I would assume that meant he just had too much stuff to clean up and we'd remove everything from his room but his clothes and his bed. Last night at 6:15 p.m., his room still wasn't clean so his Dad told him we'd be cleaning his room out today. He became so angry that when dh went in there to talk to him, he punched dh in the face...knocked his glasses off, bent them pretty badly and scratched dh's face. Dh showed far more self control than I probably would have!! I went in there to talk to ds and he got smart...I pointed my finger at him to say something and he reached out and grabbed it and twisted it. It was a mess. After that whole thing was over, we were going to go into town. In the van, oldest dd accidentally stepped on ds's foot and he punched her in the mouth...she has braces...she was bleeding everywhere.

There's so much more, but this is already so long. I love those kids...I do...but I can't live like this. I wonder how this is affecting my 8 y/o and 3 y/o. I wonder what kind of family life they'll be able to look back and say they've had when they're adults. I feel like I'm having to choose as a mother...I don't feel like there's enough of me to deal with the troubles of the two oldest AND enough to provide the positive environment and attention the two youngest need.

I'm not supposed to hate anyone...I know that...and I'll never hate anyone to the point that I hope they burn in Hell...but if I could just get my hands on their birth mother some days, she'd know I'd had a hold of her. I hate what she's done to my babies...it's HER fault. SHE's the one who kept taking in the drugs and alcohol when she was pregnant....SHE's the one who neglected them when they were babies...SHE is the one who screwed up their lives...WHY do THEY have to suffer? WHY, if I've done such a "good deed" (which I did not adopt to do a good deed...I did it because I loved them) as people tell me, do I have to suffer???

There is NO REASON for anyone to flame you!!!! You are a wonderful mother, and you are doing right for those kids. Right now, you are dealing with a LOT (and that seems like an understatement). I sincerely hope that the mental health professionals can give the children (and the rest of your family) the help that they need. You have an awful lot on your shoulders. Hugs

I wish I could say some words of wisdom that would make everything better. I just don't have them. But I pray for your family, and that God gives you comfort and strength!ray:

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If you need to get in touch with me, my email is teach1107910@yahoo.com.

I've got no advice to give you Martha except to tell you that I'll add you to my prayer list. I know I've said this before, but keep your head up. Things WILL get better. God DOES have a plan and a purpose in all of this (He sees the big picture when so often we can't). I know you know that, but I also know that it doesn't always make the pain any easier to handle. You CAN do this. God made you those children's Mother for a reason!

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Stephanie
Mom to: Caleb (8-27-2003), Ian (9-28-2005), & Baby Boy #3 (EDD 11-9-2008)

OMG! Martha...I don't know what to say...what a mess. The only thing that keeps going through my mind when I read your posts when things like this occur with your kids is, "Holy crap! I probably would have just disappeared and never come back."

I don't have any advice for you, but I know for certain you are racking up MAJOR brownie points with the big guy upstairs. I can just see him now telling Saint Peter...make sure you get a really studly pool boy lined up for Martha when she gets here in 70 years. Oh yeah, get those angels working on a mountain of chocolates and a good looking guy in a gladiator costume to rub her feet 24/7. And, after the peeing in the vents incident, she also deserves the pony she never got for Christmas when she was little...

I wish I knew what to say to you but I just dont. I will say a prayer for you and your family. I hope your kids can get the help they need.

Omigosh, hilarious A!!! And so much has happened with them in the past 9 years that I had forgotten about him peeing in the vents!!

Martha, I don't know what to tell you!! Just bigHugs and lots of ray: coming your way!!!

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~Happiness is a large family~

I will never forget that post...I remember thinking, what the heck? Did I read that right?

Hang in there woman...you are a stronger person than I am!

I just wanted to let you know that I will pray for you and your family. My heart just breaks for what you all are going through. I pray that you will be able to have some peace in your life.

I know this is a totally different situation but our ds (7) has issues and the emotional drain is just pure exhaustion. It wears me down and I beat myself over not being the parent I want to be. All we can do is pray a lot and do the best we know how. You are a good mom----just try to keep reminding yourself, even on your worst day. (((HUGS)))

No one should flame you for this!!! You are so strong, I don't know how you do it. Maybe your DS is feeding off of your DD's behavior? And the key to solving some of this will be getting your DD diagnosed and handling things with her? Whatever the solution is, I hope it comes to your family soon. You'll be in my prayers