Being a SAHM is hard enough, you don't get alot of adult interaction or conversation all day and it's hard enough to find new friends,but do you ever find yourself being used by so-called 'friends'? Like they only seem to befriend you because you might be a potential babysitter or taxi cab to and from school for their child,or an emergency number to call just incase their child is sick at school and the parents/grandparents can't be reached?
I asked my dh if i had "doormat" written across my forehead?!! Because it seems like i only attract these types of people in my life.
My recent example, one of dd's friends i will call her Suzy for internet privacy purposes (hey you never know who's reading these boards! lol) anyway, i only know Suzy's mom thru limited interaction at school events. Suzy lives outside city limits, not far, but probably 3 miles from school. Suzy tends to drag her feet getting out of school at the end of the day and on atleast 5 occasions now she has missed the bus afterschool. So my dd walks her to my car and asks if i can give Suzy a ride home. Well, it would not be that big of a deal IF i did not have to rush home to make supper because dh leaves for work at 4:30pm but usually showers and needs to eat before he leaves. Taking the extra time for Suzy to be driven out of town and dropped off and coming back into town is not working for me. I have told Suzy that i cannot be doing this daily. Suzy's younger sister does not seem to have a problem getting on the bus in time. Thursday afterschool i noticed all the buses leaving ( i was waiting for my dd to walk out, she's pokey too and usually the last kid out) and i noticed one of the teachers stopping the last bus before it pulled out, There stands Suzy next to my dd, looking like she is arguing with the teacher about something and the teacher is motioning Suzy to get on the bus. Finally Suzy gets on the bus, my dd walks to the car and tell Suzy wants a ride home everyday....... UMMM, NO! We already discussed this. Friday comes around and guess who missed the bus again? SUZY......want to know what really bothered me.........Suzy's mother actually wrote a note to the teacher that i was going to give Suzy a ride home afterschool, when she got in my car she said " My mom wants to know if you could give me a ride home every day after school, she says she would pick me up herself but she works nights and isn't always up in time" I told her no nicely and then i asked her what her sister does to get home, she answered " she rides the bus"........GRRRRR. why can't YOU?? That is what the bus is for, transporting kids to and from school, if she cannot get out of school in time to catch the bus that's an issue her mother needs to talk to the teacher about, so maybe the teacher can let Suzy go to her locker a little extra early so as not to miss the bus.............anyway, i was just peeved that her mom would just assume that since i only work part time and i'm mostly a SAHM that i have nothing better to do than to just be her dd's personal taxi cab!
Anyway i just need to vent, all the time i have people that seem to do that to me. I am going to email the teacher and let her know that if Suzy's mother writes anymore notes about going home with me, to call me at home immediately because i am not being told anything by Suzy's mother on this issue. My mom also pointed out the Liability factor incase of car accident or something. I just can't believe this mom has her daughter ask me for daily rides instead of the mom calling me herself?!!

I forgot to add, when i dropped Suzy off at home friday afternoon, i pulled into her driveway and could see in an upstairs window that her father was home and in their home office, ummm, HE couldn't pick her up??? If i had not been in a hurry to get home and start supper i would have went to the door and had a nice talk with him!

Yikes. I would call the Mom directly and nicely but firmly let her know that you cannot drive her daughter home. I would just want to make sure that the Mom got the message - so to speak.

I got lost in my own vent, sorry, I guess what i am trying to say........I know im going to have to just suck it up and contact Suzy's mom on this issue,but i really dread it because i really do not like confrontations,but it has to be done. It just bugs me that it seems when people hear that your a SAHM (though i do have a part time job but work less than 7 days a month) they automatically look at you like " oh cool a free babysitter" or someone to carpool kids to and from school or sports practices,only it's YOU who is constantly carpooling and nobody else takes their turn. I had one neighbor who had a migraine or some other ailment alteast 3 times a week so i could pick her kid up from preschool since ya know im already in the car picking up my own, KWIM? I finally just stopped answering my phone when she called. We moved into this house 3 years ago, right away the neighbors starting asking me if i could watch their son for a few hours after school......WTH??!!!! I have said NO loud and clear and people still do this to me. Then i'm the b*tch , ugh, i cannot win.

I don't like confrontation either, it's really such a shame that this woman has put you in this position. I can't believe she sent a note to school! Oy! What is wrong with people!

I can not believe that the school would let you take her if you did not write a note also. My dd's school is very strict about these things and if a child is going home with another child both children must have notes from each of their parents. I am just surprised that a teacher would allow it.

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~Jill~

I would be livid! It's going to be hard, but calling the mother is the only way. People are rude!

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The mighty oak started out as a nut that held its ground.

I would just nicely call the mom and discuss it with her. You never know...maybe "suzy" told her mom you were willing to take her home every day. The next time, maybe just sweetly say "Oh I'm so sorry, but I can't take you home today because I have somewhere I have to go. You'll have to call your parents." If her parents have to get their sorry butts out of bed maybe they'll make her catch the bus from now on.

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OK I am gonna say why do you have to call Suzy's parents? I know everyone says you should, but you haven't been called once and thanked for the rides? The father was at home the last time you dropped her off? and the kicker the mom wrote a note to the teacher?! These people are taking advantage and are teaching their daughter to do the same. If they had started out nicely and had apologized and thanked you for the rides then maybe a call would work but I don't think it will with how things have already been played out.
This child needs to wait in the office until someone on her Emergency card picks her up. I would warn dd what is gonna happen the next time Suzy misses the bus and then do this: Walk Suzy back to the office tell the office ladies that Suzy has missed the bus and you can't/ won't take her home (whichever works for you!!) and that hopefully her parents or someone on the EC will pick her up.
Until that child leaves the school grounds she is their responsibility and I bet the problem will be fixed a lot quicker then your calls to parents who are probably high fiving each other every time you leave the driveway.
I hope whatever you decide works but really these people know a good thing when they see it.

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Karen

I am not looking forward to this - I am a SAHM and we live close to our elementary school. I'm sure it will happen - I remember it happening to my mom all the time. I also don't like confrontations, and would likely make up some excuses for a week or two of the urgent things we had to do on the way home from school that didn't give me time to take her. Good luck!

First and foremost you do have doormat written all over you ~ or so they think. STOP THEM NOW.....call the parents and tell them that you are not in a position to drive THEIR child home every day after school. Leave it at that...don't go on and on about your life or what other commitments you have...it's none of their business...and you don't need to make excuses. You just tell them I am not able or willing to drive her home anymore.

Secondly, the liability issue IS huge. People today are so quick to shout lawsuit. Rid yourself from that worry too ~ and honestly do you really know these people anyway?

Thirdly, she is NOT your responsibility. Friend or not....she is simply not your responsibility. There is a bus there to take her home, a father at home, and a mother who gave birth to her, somewhere in this world. You are not a cab nor a door mat.

You need to nip this in the bud now before things get too out of hand. Having her get her mom to write a letter and then argue with her teachers about going home with you instead of the bus, is reason enough for me to take matters into your own hands now.

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