Oh Man the day i was dreading

braegan-beads · 07-24-2006, 09:24 AM

so DH is stopped this am by his sister and says she wants to talk to him and try and work things out so they can be a family again..

he tells her that he has no hard feelings but that she needs to talk to me that she really hurt my feelings.. so she said she would and he told her tha gossiping and talking behind peoples backs in the family has to stop.. so he leaves and then has to come back he forgot his work keys.. well he sees his sis and mom in the back of the house talking about it... so she did just what he knew she would..

man I don't want to have the talk.. i mean she said she hates me,IM fat, lazy and a horrible mom and nasty and no one has ever liked me in the family...

so what now she is all loving me?? NO I know she is doing it to makeherself feel better..

I so want to tell her, that its nice she apologised but we both know how you feel about me and I would rather you not be fake and act as if things are all cool between us, cause they NEVER WILL be....

I will never forget how badly I was treated by DH's family...

so I will be civil, but as far as Im concerned, they are NOT my family and never will be...

does that sound mean??

Suncatcher13 · 07-24-2006, 09:29 AM

I'm sorry that you are going thru this. No, it does not sound mean. When you are hurt, that feeling lasts a long time. I'm glad that you're willing to be civil. It's best for your kids and dh. I know if will be hard but I give you kudos for being willing. BIG HUGS TO YOU!!!

Frazzled · 07-24-2006, 09:34 AM

It's hard when you are hurt, but it is always better to be the bigger person. Don't act the way she acts, let her know you are more grown up than her. I hope things do get better for you. It is so hard to be in a family that thinks they are better at everything than you.(i know from experience) Good luck with it.

Artie · 07-24-2006, 09:35 AM

It sounds like all the "killing her with kindness" is actually working!! She feels badly about what happened last time!!! Score 1 victory for you!! I know "the talk" won't be fun, and as I've said before, you do need to forgive, but you don't have to forget. You can only control what you do and what you say, you can't control her. So if she wants to be fake and insincere, if that makes her sleep better at night, you can't control that. Just know she's the one who will have to answer for her behavior in the end. You being civil to her, despite everything, just shows how much you've grown as a person and as a Christian. I'm very proud of you!!

Rookie · 07-24-2006, 09:37 AM

Like I told my mother, I can forgive you but I will never be able to forget what you did. It hurt me to the core to have you say those things. Actions speak louder than words and I am waiting to see what the future holds. I also told her that I was forgiving her not because she asked, but because it was the right thing to do for me and that I did not want to carry that negative energy around inside me because of something she had done. (My mother was LESS than pleased that her daughter would disgrace her buy getting pregnant befor ebeing married and my mom has never ben a fan of DH unless she needs something from him.)

You are 100% in what you want to tell her and as long as Nolan will back you up than I say go for it! and from the sounds of it he is as sick of this crap as you are! GOOD LUCK!!!!!

07-24-2006, 10:21 AM

I am so sorry, I hate family conflict. Is there something in the air or what? We also had a huge fight with Mom in which her words were a sharp as swords and then she toped it off with a hard squeeze to my very injured wrists. Why does family have to be hard?

I hope your good actions will guide others in how to act. Warm Hugs!

caitlyn&michaelsmom · 07-24-2006, 10:27 AM

Good for you for at least being nice to her. I'm sure it makes it easier on your kids. Just try to ignore her comments and talking behind your back. She just wants you to start something up again.

momma2boys · 07-24-2006, 10:54 AM

Oh Mindy! I know how you feel, it is so hard to forgive someone that has hurt you so bad. Forgiveness isn't just a one time thing either. You have to remember to forgive them everytime you see them, every time you hear their name, and every time you think about what they did to you. I really hope that you can forgive her, even though what she has done to you is so rotten. Forgive her for your sake, not for hers. I would really hate to see this trun into bitterness, and then eat at you forever. It's not easy, but it's so worth the relief of not carrying that burden around.
JMO-Erin

Edited to say: When you talk to her, you need to let her know how bad she hurt you. Don't let her just say a general "I'm sorry". She needs to know how bad her action, and words hurt. I think it will make you feel better to get it all out. I hope the "talk" goes well... I'll be thinking about you!

Lou · 07-24-2006, 12:58 PM

Mindy,

Is this the SIL that was away for drug treatment and did she say those nasty things before treatment?? If so, please try to give her the benefit of the doubt and give her another chance. I know you have been hurt by her and it sounds like she did some pretty awful things but addiction does that to people. If you can find it in your heart to forgive her - you will feel so much better yourself - even if she does not change. If by some miracle chance, her treatment worked for her and she has turned over a new leaf and really wants to mend your relationship - that would be great for everyone in your family. Give her a chance and if she fails you again - give up. JMHO

Lou

morrismomaof2 · 07-24-2006, 01:12 PM

Mindy, I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. I know that you would rather it be anyone else staying w/ you than the sil! I agree w/Rookie. If she asks for forgivness do it for yourself so that you can move past this and move on w/ you life. I am here if you need to talk or vent. Hang in there! Here is a great big hug for you.