is this ridiculous or just me? vent - Page 2

Missystuy · 07-29-2006, 09:14 AM

I know you say backing out isn't an option, but I would throw that one out there if you really can't afford the dress.

It is hard to be in a wedding. I've always paid for my own dresses and in my wedding the girls paid for thier own as well. I think the dresses were around $150 as well. (found out later could got them cheaper some where else! ugh) But one of my brdiesmaids was plus size and I told her she needed to pay for the dress so they could order it. She kept putting if off, till finnally I just paid for the dress and told her she could pay me back. Come to find out the reason she was waiting on ordering the dress was because she was looking to lose wieght and didn't want to be stuck with a huge dress. She did pay me back the money but ended losing like 60 lbs, and had to have the PLUS size dress ( the one you have to pay extra for) taken in BUNCHES. But we were pressed for time, and had to order the dress.

Sometimes there is no winning, and thats just the way it is.

jenpenny5297 · 07-29-2006, 09:27 AM

I would just tell her you can't afford it. Then see if she offers to help more or cover the whole thing. If money is not an issue for her it shouldn't be a problem. I think it is so inConsiderate of brides to just assume that because it is their big day everyone should fall all over themselves to shell out all this money. But then again I think it's crazy to buy a $$$ dress you will wear once for a total of a few hours. Mine cost $30 and the entire wedding cost around $200. It was the best thing I ever did.

mommamia · 07-29-2006, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brensmom

like others said make payments most reputable bridal shops take payments. you do not need to buy the whole thing this far in advance.

This is probably your best option. You still need to speak with her over this. If she needs you to spend x amount of money at x time then she needs to give you some sort of schedule that she will need these items covered by. Before you know it she could be asking for a hotel deposit or whatever on the spot and it's better to nip that in the bud. You will also need to know if you're gonna have to pay for hair and nails,etc. Money was a consideration for me and my BM and flower girls I paid for 100 BM and (3) fg 30 each. I didn't require certain shoes just white for the flower girls and the MOH and BM didn't matter b/c of floor length dresses. The jewelry for all of them was given as their gift for being in my wedding. I was prepared to pay for all the attire if I had to, luckily my MOH convered everything for herself(her dress 150) and that was really cool of her. I would have covered her in a heartbeat if she couldn't afford it though, her being there was that important to me. Just talk to her and let her know that financially it's a huge struggle and see what the two of you can come up with.

Cricket · 07-29-2006, 12:49 PM

I just went through a wedding for 200. It was my neice therefor I was helping my sister every step of the way. $5000 budget...it can be done!

My neice picked out the dresses and they were about $160.

When you go to the dress shop you ORDER the dress custom made. There is no sense and paying for a dress in full that is going to take between 1-3 months to be shipped to the dress shop for pickup. They make ALL the dresses in the wedding party at the same time to make sure the fabric comes from the same dye lot.

All fine dress shops have layaway....and everyone layaways!

That is how I paid for my dds dress.

When you go in for your measurements ask the saleslady what the estimated time for the dress to be ready will be. Then take the amount and divide it by the time and let that be your payment schedule.

My neice had a girl who put her off and then finally just dropped out of the wedding(The wedding was in June I am so sure she will TELL my neice she isn't going to be in the wedding soon...grrr) because of money. My niece kept asking her if she needed to back out and she kept saying no. They ordered the dress and then my niece couldn't get the girl to return her calls. My neice got stuck paying for the dress and my step dd filled in. So I had 2 dds in the wedding but only paid for one dress. I also paid for shoes but we got a great deal for those!

Also, remember, before you head for Goodwill with your dress, try resale shops.You will still take a hit but even $25 is better than $0!

Cricket

bennis_mama · 07-29-2006, 03:27 PM

I was just in a wedding and ended up spending 350 dollars on the entire thing between food, travel, alterations, shoes, dress, and gift. I didn't even spend that much on my dress and the church!

my advice - Be honest and up front to avoid conflict. She's stressed and just trying to make it her big day...and you're stressed because you're going to end up paying for that. I had to tell my SIL that I couldn't afford to pay for the dress, at the time, because we had moved 2x in 4 months and my DH was JUST starting a new job. She paid for it and let me pay her back, I didn't actually finish paying for it until 2 weeks before the wedding.

All the gals have it right. Go to her first, I don't think you should put yourself in debt just to get through her wedding but it's your desicion on how important it is to you and to your friend. If she really wants you there, she'll make accomadations for you. And Maybe you can plan ahead enough to shop around for good deals on the travel and hotel. Or someone suggested, trying to stay with her family or other guest of the wedding?

Good luck, weddings are stressful for everyone!

Kimberley · 07-29-2006, 10:05 PM

they don't have any family that lives that there. they have held 40 rooms at a hotel and thankfully got a great room rate on that i have already booked mine. they will hold it for me without requiring payment until we get there in may. the only people they really know there are her df's boss and co-workers and its not an option for anyone to stay with them. so hotel it is especially since there are 4 of us. as for the dress, i am gonna try to cover as much of it as ic an in one shot, if you can pay for the whole thing at once they give you a discount on the dress. so hopefully we can pay for it all at once if i can't them i will borrow from her and pay her back. that way i might be able to save a bit of cash on the dress.