Maybe this should be in the Money section but I want more exposure to see if I am alone in this.

First a little background. My dh and I were watching an Oprah show (which we never do) in fact it was the debt one. It showed a woman, remarried - found the love of her life, etc., - she was only a few years older than me (she was 48). After a few years, her dh encouraged her to quit her job, that she deserved to be home after so many years of working, and the rat race and all that. She did quit - I think they had wracked up some debt - and then he LEFT her!! High and dry. She was starting from zero. She had children or at least one child, and after the debt was paid she had nothing, had to borrow from family just to survive.

Anyway, they kept stressing on the program ALWAYS TO HAVE AN ALTERNATE PLAN IN YOUR MIND. In case something happens to your marriage, or heavens - if your spouse died unexpectedly. Now, dh and I are very happy, he expressed what an idiot this guy that left her was, etc. I never thought I would do this, to me it seems like testing fate. But I thought, "What Would I do if something happened? Where would we live? Are our debts paid up so if we had to sell we'd get the equity in our house?"

I feel so guilty doing this. But I went on a real estate website for the surrounding areas near us and see if they had anything I thought we might be able to afford. That's the bad news. The good news is that they did. Ds and I wouldn't be living in luxury, but we'd be able to afford a house around his school (private). I even have an idea of what cities would be better based on where his school is and where I could find a job. But I HATE even thinking of this.

But the reason I *am* is because so many things in my life have happened to me when never thought they would. I never thought I'd get cancer in my 20's, and then I didn't know if I would survive. But I Did, for both things. Then I never thought my parents would die so young. But they Did. And on and on. So I feel a little better that I am informed. But I feel guilty of even thinking that something could happen to myself and dh.

Has anyone else ever done this? What do you all think?

It is good to have a back up. I have an Aunt that was with her Husband since they were teenagers. They were married for 13 years and had 2 girls. One was handicap and a 2 year old. He was going to school for nursing and met someone and fell in love. He left my aunt.... She was a stay at home mom to care for her young daughters and hadn't worked in years. She didn't know what to do.. He wasn't a complete jerk about it though. (other then the cheating.) She stayed in the house (his family's farm) and he continued to help her financially. However, She did have to find a job because he could totally support his new life and her and the kids. Once this happened to her, it shot a jolt through me. I'm very cautious.

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i feel it is good to have a plan but i personaly don't live my life on what ifs i feel life is to short i learned that very young when my mom died. i totaly agree with having a basic plan like making sure you have enough life insurance to help you get by if your loved one died ect...but i feel my energy and time spent now should be on whats important to me and my family at the time you never know tomorrow could be your last and i want no regrets...

I have thought about this. I don't know what I would do! I don't have a job, and never have had one. My mom is always telling me I need to do something because you never know what will happen. It can't hurt to have a back-up plan.

Yes, I am always thinking about what I would do if something would happen to dh. I too know all to well that things do not always go as you think they will!! I am confident that we could surrvive quite nicely if , heaven forbid, something happened to dh!

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~Happiness is a large family~

After my grandma died her kids had a hard time finding things to take care of for the house, bills, my grandpa because no one thought she would go before grandpa (he's still alive BTW). My mom told me after that, that she wanted to get everything in order and show me where it is. I also told my DH that we needed to do that if something happened to either of us or Lord forbid both of us. So, we both know where everything is and what everything is. We both have life insurance policies that would help for a little while but either way which ever one was still here would have to work.

If DH left me I would kill him so I guess whatever accomodations they have in jail... LOL JUST JOKING!!!! I wouldn't kill him. I work now and I have lived alone and supported myself - now I have 2 kiddos so it would be more difficult but I know I can do it. I am going to quit my job later this year to be a SAHM (finally) so I may have a different feeling about it when that time comes and I'm not making any $.

We have talked about this a couple of times, he asks me what I would do if aomething happened to him, I tell him I would sell everything and move back to England to be close to my family. I ask him waht he would do, his parents live with us, so he thinks he would stay here, or maybe go to england to keep the kdis near my family and he has two sisters there too.
It is tought o talk about, my mom died at age 50 about 4yrs ago, so we have to think about it.

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We buy things we dont need,
with money we dont have,
in order to impress people
we dont like?
(Ramsey, D)

I am so scared of this too and at one time I had hid back $700.00 and was putting in like 20 a week--I know thats not much but I was also asked to quit my job 2 years ago and like a crazy person I jumped on it,. And I know better I have been divorced with nothing but the clothes on my back and widowed with no vehicle but I always had a job. My husband is 14 yrs younger to me and yes this still worries me. I felt guilty though and gave him the money to use for Christmas. So now I am broke again except for maybe $80.00 I have hid in a jar in the wall. I do have adult kids now I guess I could live with them but its hard to find a job after you've been out for a while. So no I don't think you are crazy for looking.

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I don't think it's wierd to think of this--I think it's only natural for a person to consider "what if's"--it's part of the reason that we as humans have brains and cognition is to be able to think ahead and not just go on instinct.

My dh and I have discussed, hypothetically, what would happen if he left me (after the murder trial, LOL) and we have also discussed seriously what would happen if either of us were to die unexpectedly. That's why we have life insurance, and a will.

As they said in the Incredibles movie - "Luck favors the prepared, darling."

I do a tally probably 2-3 times a month to check that me and the kids could get by on my salary alone. I go right through my expenses, eliminate DH's expenses (extra car, gas, etc), and subtract from my income. I don't count in life insurance b/c I want to know that I could get by without that. I go thru this whole thing almost every time DH has really pi**ed me off, so I can tell myself "I can do this without him!" Knowing that actually makes me less mad at him.

It would be beyond tight, but definitely do-able. I've seen a lot of crazy stuff from some of the women I used to work with, and it left me feeling very strongly that a woman should always have a plan of how she would care for herself and her kids if her DH/SO dies or the relationship goes south.

Even was I was working very PT, I had an updated resume and a definite plan of what I would do if I needed to work FT suddenly. I even keep an emergency kit of stuff I would need if I had to leave with the kids immediately for whatever reason.

Now as I'm actually typing this I realize it sounds pretty crazy/obsessed but I stand behind it!