Oh ladies I need help big time. This weekend I was SHOCKED but what DS said at a cookout. Let me start at the begigning of the story. Last Friday night the church had a dinner and sock hop for the kids and parents. He danced with a girl who is now his "girlfriend". First one I might add. All was very cute and they hugged good night. Well all his class mates were there and some of them are well more "informed and advanced" then he is. For heavens sake he is only 8! All week they have been teasing him at school and on the bus asking if they had umm well had umm think 3 letter word here (ends in X) I swear I almost fell into the fire on that comment. HE IS 8. After a moment I asked him if he even knew what it meant and he said no and I hate to say it but I was kind of yelling by this point -- asking why he would say something like that. We have a rule at my house if you dont know what it means ask me before you say it.

In my panic of not knowing how to answer or fix this problem I told him it was a bad word and to never say it again. Yes ok so I took the easy way out but I never expected him to say that word. Niether his father or I say it or talk about it. Help what should I tell him or what should I not tell him. DS is our first little one and I thought we would have at least 2-3 more years before we had to cover this one. I can not beleive some of the other kids in his class know this much already.

Sorry this is so long I am just at a loss for what to do or say. Any suggestions?

I have no idea what to say. I cant believe we are only talking about 8 yrs old. I dont know what I would say if it was my kid. I think you should talk to someone at his school. Maybe the counselour would havs some good ideas on how to handle this. I am not looking forward to this.

First i have to say...did he just tell you the friends in school were asking him if they had sex (yes it's ok to say it) or did he come out and say "we had sex"....that would make it a huge difference imo. I wouldn't have been using a raised voice at all if it were the first.

Personally i would sit my son down and say sex is something adults who are married ...(that's what i would say at this age) do to show they love one another. Then i might say you and so and so are not married or old enough to do this sooooooooo let's forget about it for awhile.

That way he doesn't think it's a horrible thing or that it's bad.

It's sad to say that yes we do have to explain these things alot earlier now a days.

Actually i just got to thinking...when i was in third grade a little boy showed me his penis......then i caught him telling another boy we had sex....hahahahaha...i crack up at it now. I still know the guy who showed me his package....

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Jodie....Wife to Andrew (1995)
Mommy to Riley (2000) and Wyatt (2003)

I don't even want to think about having to deal with this, especially at 8 years old! Wow. Good luck, 'cause I know I would need it!!

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Ditto. I wouldn't tell him sex is a bad word or freak out about it to him. That will slam all doors on the subject and he will feel that he can't say this bad word to you to ask you about it. I'd bring it up to him again and talk to him about it in a more calm manner.

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I know I did not handle the situation well at all. I was just so shocked he would say that. He is a well mannered little boy who behaves very well both in public and at home. His only big problem is talking all the time and well he comes by that honestly.

He did say the first (sorry I am on the office computer and it will not let me type the word in my computer without the home office snagging the page) Asking he they had done it yet. Good golly if he had said they had done it I would be dead and buried by now. I am a person who does not like this conversation and still get very embarressed talking about it to anyone even DH. I know time for me to grow up. I know I should not have said it was a bad word but I was at a loss at that moment and a cookout with friends and family is not where I wanted to :discuss the matter any further.

I like the idea of checking with the shool counsler - I will give her a call tonight at home. She goes to our church so I have her number. I swear some days I just dont know what to do or how to fix stuff like this.

Maybe you could tell him sex is a way of how babies are made, and that it is an adult thing that is private? My son is also 8 and he has heard that word alot. I know a ton of the kids in my class (6 and 7 year olds) talk about it too. There is such a lack of parental supervision these days. Alot of my students are in before school care, school, then aftercare - they hear a lot from older kids in the aftercare centers or while on the busses en route to the aftercare centers, then come back a repeat it to kids their own age.

Sit him BACK down..and tell him you are sorry that you yelled and over reacted..that even Mommies and Daddies make mistakes..and need to say "sorry", too. THEN tell him that sex is not a word that he needs to be using at his age..that it is something only for grownups....something that they do when they are married..and that even they shouldn't talk about it outloud at school, etc. Tell him that HE is the better person to NOT be talking about it with his friends, and that by doing this, he is showing THEM the right way to talk and do things. HTH..and let us know what happens.

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Even my 5-yr old knows the word 'sex' but she has no idea what it means. To some kids 'having sex' means kissing, french kissing, or even just dating exclusively. They know the WORD but they don't know the meaning. All they really know is it is something special between two people and it gets quite a reaction from adults when kids talk about it.

It is getting time for your son to know what will be happening to girls' bodies (their shape will change and they will grow hair in certain places). Likewise, he needs to know that his body will start changing, too. He needs to be prepared for his voice changing and that he'll have wet dreams, too. This will happen a few years out but it's best to let boys know now because the girls around them will change sooner than they will. There is a time when he'll see girls in a different way. Right now the idea of kissing, etc, is really yucky.

You don't have to go into the details of intercourse at this point. Your son probably doesn't want you to anyway! However, you probably want to explore what HE thinks the word 'sex' means.

Besides, this is a little educational moment. You now have the chance to talk about the kind of man you want him to be when he grows older and can start dating. The first thing you can mention is how a gentleman doesn't 'kiss and tell' - no matter how much ribbing he gets in the locker room - or school bus.

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First of all, don't beat yourself up. It's not too late to go back and say you're sorry for overreacting and open the subject back up for some conversation. It's not an easy thing to talk about, but it has to be done. Good luck and lots of hugs to you...

Edited to add: Try checking out your local Christian book store for books that would help you to talk to him and explain it to him in a Christian manner (as it seems you would want to do).