thanks cookie great post

We typically use time outs and loss of priviledges. Occassionally a tap on the hand.

Jen

My son is 16 months and we are still trying to figure it out. He doesn't understand time-outs and wouldn't stay there. I don't want to put him in his crib because he loves going to bed and I want that to stay a happy, positive place. I used to smack his hand when he would do really bad things like pull the dogs' ears or hit other people, but only after a few times of saying no and redirecting him firmly. That never seemed to work and he just learned to smack other people. Recently he is going through a very aggressive thing where whenever he doesn't get his way he has to take out his anger by hitting the closest thing to him. Sometimes it's me, but I stop his hand in the air and firmly say "NO HITTING" then he will turn around and hit the floor or the couch. As soon as he is done he will start laughing. Nothing seems to faze him. This week I smacked him on the but two times, only for hitting us or the dogs and it was the first thing to get a real response out of him. He cried and wanted love, which I gave him. Granted, I did not hit hard at all, and he still wears a diaper. I don't believe in hitting older kids, at least past the age of reasoning and time-outs. I just feel like at his age I can't explain things to him or take things away and it's the only thing that gets through. I used to teach day-care for 3 years olds with about 30 kids in our class and we were able to keep everyone under control by just ignoring bad behavior. If a kids starts throwing a fit we would just say "Okay listen if you are going to cry stay here and cry because the rest of us have to finger paint." Then walk away and ignore them. After a little bit they realize they are missing the fun and not getting the attention they want and they come back to you much better behaved. We also used tons of positive praise. Like when we would see kids sharing or playing nice we would praise them and make a big deal out of it. That way the kids learned that being good got attention and being bad gets ignored.
In the meantime, none of that works with my toddler, if anyone has suggestions for a 16 month old please let me know.

Magic 123 and creative discipline. Recently my dd has become immune to the time out, so I put her toys (specifically her dolls-which she loves) in time out WHERE SHE COULD SEE BUT NOT REACH. It (knock on wood) has been working like a charm. She has really improved in the past few weeks. I really try to catch them when they are being good and try to ignore bad "attention" getting behaviors unless they are dangerous. Making sure my kids have been fed recently also helps. DD really behaves badly when she hasn't had anything to eat in a while.

hope that helps

C

When they were younger my kids would get

* Quick swat on butt or hand- which Grandparents thought was too much- mind you they used belts and wooden spoons on DH and his brothers- we stopped swats around 4-5 years old

* 'face in the corner' that would allow me at least 15 minutes to calm down enough to not 'ground them until 18' etc.

* Continued misbehavior would result being sent to their room- no toys in the room

* Earlier bedtimes

* loss of their special mommy/daddy time in the severest of moments- they loved being alone with mom or dad without their siblings so it was effective but heartbreaking too

• no visit to Grandma and Grandpa and they had to call Grandma and Grandpa to tell them why they couldn't stay over

I almost forgot most important thing- teaching them NO means NO

__________________

Luckily for us ds is pretty good. When he isn't, we use time outs but to be honest I don't really know what this teaches him. I can see them as being a natural consequence for like if he has a friend over and is misbehaving, a time out alone in his room is a natural consequence - it separates him from his friend for a few minutes so he can calm down.

But for other things? To me it just doesn't seem like a natural consequence.

We definitely don't spank. What does that teach?

I find prevention is way more than half the battle. Our ds (5.5) will start acting like a different person when he's had a lot of sugar - and by a lot I don't mean a lot - he must be really sensitive to it - you would swear the child will start speaking in tongues. He will become defiant, back - talk us, and generally jump out of his skin. So I limit his sugar - and it doesn't matter if it is 'organic', less refined, no dyes, etc. - it is still sugar and has the same effect on him.

Also bedtime is pretty strictly enforced, much as I would love for him to stay up a little longer. One minute he is fine, the next he is a maniac and it's because he's tired. So while the neighborhood kids his age are still out at 9:30 at night he's been in bed for over an hour. That's just the way it is ~ if he didn't need the sleep it wouldn't be an issue to me. He does, so he goes to bed.

In stores I see kids that behave ALL the time like ds does when he's had too much sugar or when they are tired. I can't imagine ever living that way 24/7. Yet I wonder how many parents actually put 2 & 2 together and realized this? Of course I know this is not all children, but I'm willing to bet much of bad behaviour is created by these two evils!!