I need for you to tell me if I am in the wrong here. Let me tell you the story.

Over a year ago, an old co-worker of mine (I haven't woreked with her in over three years, I'm a SAHM now) asked me to be in her wedding, specifically, to sing in the wedding. She got engaged early 2006, and when she announced her engagement, she said she'd love for me to sing in her ceremony. I said sure. Well, since then we've barely communicated, maybe a couple of "hello" emails here and there. I've received the Save the Date, and the actual wedding invite, along with the shower invite. Her wedding is now weeks away, and I hadn't heard anything about singing again. She emailed me earlier this week and did the "hi how is life, busy here, etc...and are you able to still sing in my wedding?" So now I'm kind of frustrated because I already made plans to visit my family for a few weeks (the kids and I do this every year), and I wasn't expecting to actually be in the wedding since I hadn't heard anything further. I emailed her and told her of my summer plans, and apologized that I wouldn't be able to sing, since I'd be out of state, wished her well, congrats, etc... she emailed me a few days later asking me "didn't you get the invites?? Don't worry I'll figure out something else" So I think she's mad about it, but what am I supposed to do? Am I in the wrong here?

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Why treat someone like a priority when all they see you as is an option?

I think there is fault on both sides here. Your friend should have definitely followed up to see what you were singing, what musical accompyment you would need, what you would wear, etc.....

But I think once you started getting all of the invitations, you should have called to see if she still wanted you to sing. I am thinking because she asked you and you accepted, she marked it off as one more thing taken care of.

Sorry, but I have to agree with this post. I know it is probably not what you want to hear.

Is there anyone else that you know that can take your place??? Then you can sorta help her with her dilemma.....

Good luck with this!

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Stacey

The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls. ~ Elizabeth Cady Stanton

I agree with rileysmom117. You should have at least contacted her as soon as u you the dates were going to be in conflict.

allgirls

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allgirls, mom to 3 girls

I agree too. Is there any way you can do it?

That is a toughie- IMHO though- I think she is more in the wrong- she should of contacted you while she was in the planning stages of her wedding and discussed you singing in her wedding and her song selections so you would of been prepared for that date- instead of sending an invite and asking if you could sing that day. The only thing that I think that you did wrong was telling her you could do it without knowing the specifics- so then again the blame is sort of on her (but then again it could of gone both ways by you asking when she would be getting married- but it is her wedding and she should of planned it accordingly). I would maybe send her a wedding card to tell her congrats and sorry not being able to perform in her wedding due to your schedule.

Don't feel bad about this- she should of kept you informed if she was planning on you being in the wedding as she probably did with her bridesmaids and so on!

I agree with YOU. I don't think it was YOUR job to make sure that you stayed available if she was not staying in touch with you on this, picking out what songs she wanted, making music/background arrangements, and basically CONFIRMING. If you were not "just a friend", she would have definitely had to do all of that. To me, as your friend asking, she should have MORE likely made sure on all of this.

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I agree with this. She should have confirmed that you were still going to do it. But you should have checked and made sure she didn't need you before you made vacation plans since you had told her you would do it. I'm not sure I blame her for being mad. Sorry....

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It's her wedding and her responsiblity. She should have contacted you months ago with the song, sheet music, etc. Not your job to contact her.

My DH was in a wedding last weekend and the bride and groom weren't very good with the communication. Rehersal was Friday night, but we didn't know when. I finally had to call the bride at 3:30 that afternoon. Her response "Well, i told Travis a few months ago to be there at 5........but, we had to change it to 6". Well, WTF? Were you going to tell us this or was DH suppose to sit at the church for an hr. waiting.

Over a year before her wedding, a bride asks you to sing at her wedding. You agree. Essentially, she booked part of her entertainment & crossed it off her to-do list. She sent you a "save the date" card. You did not save the date. She sent you an invite, which I imagine is maybe 6-8 weeks prior to the wedding.
I don't know if you normally sing for weddings, if you charge a fee, if you offered to do this for free, but as far as I'm concerned she booked you for her wedding & you went & made other plans. I realize she hasn't gotten a song list to you yet, but new songs are coming out all the time so I can see that she might want to take care of that detail closer to the wedding as opposed to a year earlier. Maybe she was waiting for you to bring it up or make suggestions?
Sorry - she booked you, you agreed, she sent you a save the date card well ahead of time. I think you owe her an apology and she has every right to be miffed. Planning a wedding is stressful and now she has to find someone else at the last minute.