greetings,

Why are family members so judgemental? A little background. I went 7 yrs without seening my dad. He basically abandoned me and he had two more children. I'm in contact now and we're close. My mom raised me alone with the help of my grandparents, aunts..etc.. Lif was hard back in the 70's and 80's being a single mom and I know this. I was verbally and emothioally abused by her. Alright...that is past I've had counseling for it.

My mom's sisters are critical of me like they were with my mom when she was raising me. I know my husband and I are good parents. We just have one child. However, my aunts and cousins are so critical of me... Like I can't do anything right for my daughter and it really hurts. I try very hard to be a good mom...but they don't see it.

My mom has 3 sisters and she's the oldest. The younger two sisters and their daughters are always together and I'm usually the one left out on family outings. They have always made my mom feel unwelcome @ family functions. So, my mom stays away. I don't blame her. My point is....I'm not my mom and how can I get this through to them.

I'm sure this is pontless but any advice would be appreciated. I'm just so tired of getting my feelings hurt. Sorry for the vent......

Thanks,

Sydneys Mommy

I'm so sorry they are making you feel like this. It's not fair at all. It seems like it's very important to you to get into the good graces of your family. If that's true, you could speak to them directly about it and ask them why they don't include you. By being direct, you will get an answer one way or another. I hope you can find the answers you are looking for, but if they just aren't accepting, loving people, good friends can be the family you choose.

Big hugs, you know inside your are a good person and a good mom. You don't need their approval to validate that.

You have to be the best mom that you can be and leave all the other opinions out of it. You are doing the best you can..they do not live your life and cannot tell you how to run it. Tell them that theirs thoughts and advice are not appreciated or welcome.

Do you HAVE to stay in touch with these Aunts and extended family members? It sounds like you have gone above and beyond anything necessary to keep the peace.

You and I have some things in common, I too was raised by several family members, my parents were physically and verbally abusive among other things. Later when I became a mother I had some extended family that were very critical and judgmental l about my parenting and lifestyle. I gave up trying to prove to everyone I was not my mother or father - I no longer speak to them or see them.

I feel for you trust me.

I cut people out of my life if they aren't supportive and are overly critical (except for dh - haven't done that one yet). His aunts are/were the same way, save for one. We simply ignore them except for niceties - xmas cards, things like that. Life is too short to have such negativity. That's the reason we pretty much never even contact his mother except on Mothers Day or her birthday. When he does call her, maybe once in three months' time, she just finds something to dig with. Don't need it. They just aren't worthwhile.

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The Really Needy, Special, Networking and Talking Mod

I am sorry your feelings keep getting hurt. Please do not try to please everyone. If you and your husband are content that you are raising your daughter the way she should be raised, then be happy with that. Nobody ever said you had to get someone else's approval on child rearing.

As far as being left out, I personally wouldn't want to be around people that excluded me on a regular basis. If you really want to be a part of their outings, then you are going to have to point-blank tell them how you feel.

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I think you should just tell them directly how that makes you feel. Next time they start criticizing you just say "You know, that really hurts my feelings when you say things like that". Hopefully they don't realize how it's hurting you and they will stop if they know. If they don't, at least then you know they're not worth expending a great deal of energy on.

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I'd tell them.I am me not anyone else. I do things the way I see fit. If I need your opinion
or advice I will come to you.Love me for me the way that I love you for just being you.

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Crystal Ann

I think once you put your foot down and stand up for yourself, people will have to respect that. I think that is the only useful advice I can give you. I know it's hard when it's family but if you are going to have a lasting relationship with them, than the boundaries and the respect have to be demanded and not just assumed or swept under the carpet!

Good luck!

I think your mom has the right idea to stay away from her sisters. Why do you want to be around them? If they don't like or accept you, that says a lot about them, but you shouldn't feel it says anything about you. People can't hurt your feelings unless you put yourself with them and listen to them. Why do you want them in your life? My advise is to let them go... good luck!