I wonder why it is that people seem to judge us (my dh , 2 sons and me) more harshly than others. Dh and I had a conversation about this the other day and we were wondering why it is that when some people make mistakes it's easily swept under the rug or has excuses made for their actions like it was nothing but if we ever did that than we would be judged harshly. I'm not trying to whine here but I just need to vent . When dh and I got married everything we did seemed to be wrong. Case in point I couldn't even voice my opinion in a nice way without people saying I was a spoiled brat or that I wanted to rule the roost. Now my bro-in-law has a girlfriend that he lives with and has a child by that is a total B!*@%. She rarely watches the baby and never really tries to be nice to anyone. But it seems like people bend over backwards to please her. Another thing is they recently moved in with her dad and step mom they said to catch up on bills. Bro in law had just gotten a good job and even got his lip pierced. So to me it doesn't look like they want to catch up but try and play on everyone's sympathies. If we did that my dh would have been told that once you have a baby that you need to be responsible enough to take care of it and your family. Which I whole heartedly agree. My family seems to be the same way they make excuses for siblings and cousins but when it comes to me I'm terrible. I was just so wrong to get pregnant early in our marriage, I was so wrong to choose to be a sahm, I was so wrong to get out of their legalistic church, and the list can go on and on. Altho we have others in the family that had a baby before marriage, decided to not work to plan for a family when their not even preg. , and never really got into their legalistic church but might visit every now and then. Does this make sense? I've even asked family members why do they do this and their response is that they expect more out of us. So their gonna treat us like cr@p and be friendly with everyone else. So much to the point that we feel like outcasts. I'm sorry this is long but I just needed to vent.

I don't know what to tell you! But vent away!!!!

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~Happiness is a large family~

I am sorry if I seem dumb- but what is a legalistic church? If it is a really strict church and everyone else is in it- I can see a little bit of why you are the "bad" ones- not saying that you are though!

I so know what you are going through! My SIL was the bad one til she moved back to the area (more to it than that though), then my other SIL and BIL were the bad ones when they moved in- now that they are out of the house- we are the bad ones- we never did anything wrong! You can do what I do- vent to your friends about them and just acknowledge them but don't give them anything- I just smile and nod- ocassionally- I will speak up when due- but for the most part I ignore them!

Princess1,
Sounds like my in-laws. My SIL & her hubby & 2 kids live w/ my in-laws & get spoiled. They've lived there for 3.5 years already & my SIL is ready to have baby #3 in Sept. They haven't even begun to look for their own place. her kids are spoiled by my in-laws & everyone treats them better. I don't understand why. It frustrates me to no end also. I'm here for ya if you want to PM me. My situation is real similar to yours as well, minus the SAHM part (which i'd love to be one eventually ) I don't have a choice but to work & then i'm put down. My SIL is a SAHM but can't afford to be one, that's probably why she lives w/ her parents. Vent away to me if you need to.

When I said legalistic I meant very strict. For some reason if you are in it and get out than that's worse than never really being in it? Even when we was apart of their denomination we were still talked about because we didn't go to their church. I went to the church that my parents went to and not my sis's. My parents talked about us when we went their church because they said we was involved in too many things such as sunday school, bus ministry, and my dh did the sound system. We can't win for losing with them. I am going to put my application in today at the daycare job and my sis thinks I should go and try to work where she's working and put my kids in daycare which would mean I'd have to pay for daycare. They will be going to school this Wed. and I'm going to see if the daycare will either work the hours out with me but most of the time if you work there then you wouldn't have to pay for your kids if your there. Anyways it just seems like whatever we do they'll say something negative about it or try to give advice that sounds absurd. On the otherhand I can see other family members doing stuff that I don't understand but they will just make excuses for them like they are O.K. but I know if we made those same decisions we would be soooo wrong. That's what's aggravating me.

I know how you are feeling.

My SIL is a (bleep) and everyone in my family kisses her behind and my brother is the saint of the family.

I am the one who can never do anything right. So what if I prefer to homeschool my son and be a SAHM. It is my life and I will do as I seem fit.

PMS kicking in can anyone tell.

God there are days that I feel I could have wrote this post. Although I have come a far way. I use to worry about things like that but not anymore. I have noticed since I care less about it they seem to not annoy me as much. I am probably not explaining this correctly. I just hope this makes sense.

I know what you mean about not caring so much about it. I used to be that way when it seemed like I had more confidence in myself now if I can just get to that point again. I've let them beat me down so much and I'm finally starting to see that. I really do think that people like to control you that way. I believe Eleanor Roosevelt said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Some where along the way I gave them my consent Well thanks for helping me realise that. Sometimes we just get on these forums and just talk our way thru to a light bulb moment.

Sometimes people are nice because they think they can get something from you. If they don't feel you'll give them what they want, they will put you down because they have no use for you and/or they think it makes themselves look better. (They don't necessarily want possesions - they could be wanting intangible things llike making them feel important or feeding their egos).

My parents are like this; they are narcissists. They only like whoever happens to be kissing up to them at that moment.