Okay- long story short. DH and FIL have been getting into many fights lately (due to them both being bull headed and so on- basically the apple did not fall far from FIL's tree!). DH and FIL got into a pretty nasty fight and I don't think that we will be going over to visit for a while (:happy dance: - I hate going over there!).

Anyways- MIL is planning a huge family reunion (for both sides of DH's family) and a surprise birthday party for my FIL (and 2 other family members that are turning 60 this year). Quite frankly, I don't think that we should go to this thing for the simple fact that it is mainly a surprise party for FIL (the family reunion is kind of the coverup for the party). Anyways- MIL is basically counting on me to set up the whole thing (assuming- since she never really asked me if I could ) since FIL's family is so "uppity" she thinks that I can set it up and decorate it to their standards. Which in other words is- my other 2 dd's won't do it- I can't do it so I need you to do it.

So my question is what would you do- I really don't think that DH and FIL will be on good terms then- but it would be nice to see some of the family members (BTW- DH is always the one making up for the fights- even when he did not start them and he already said this time he is not going to kiss butt when he was not the one in the wrong- so apologizing and being the better person is sorta out of the question). TIA!

I think you pretty much answered your own questions.

You have not been asked to set up the party, so you don't have to do it. (It would be different if you had been asked and you had agreed to do it, but none of that happened so you aren't throwing the party for them.)

Since your husband said he's not going to be the one to apologize this time, then you both don't go to the party. I'm assuming here that he doesn't want to go.

Tell your MIL that you aren't going to be able to come to the reunion/party, and then you and your husband should do something enjoyable together that day.

Oh honey - I feel for you!!! Here is what I think - I would not do anything - I would let my DH decide what he wants to do. It is his family. I know when you get married you marry the family BUT in this case I would let him handle it. I have run into several issues with my DH family and I have just stepped back. He can handle it however he wants - he is a grown man. Let him handle it. That is just what I think.