Should my son see a psycologist?

Alex's mommy · **Should my son see a psycologist?**

He is 7. He is an only child. He lives with me and my husband. His dad lives about 7 min away (driving time).

Seems like lately he's acting out. Just a couple days ago he destroyed his room (threw toys everywhere)

Majority of the time he is a sweet little boy. Maybe his frustration of not having his dad around bothers him.
He lives in a loving, caring home and his step dad loves him dearly.

I dont know if he is just plain spoiled or what. Because he did something bad and dh said ok no bike for a week. Thats when my son went up to his room and thrashed it. I did make him clean it up. Later that night I gave him a snack and he stayed in his room (his choice) and watched tv.

I dont know what to do. Guess I may have to be a little tougher on him (need to follow through with punishments) I dont spank him.

Is he just being a normal 7 year old? Advice please.

MN Mom · 08-22-2007, 12:55 PM

Last year my 10 year old son got in trouble for pushing a kid at school. He had always been such a sweet kid and for some reason last fall he started acting out and being disrespectful; so out of character for him. The counselor at school suggested a psychologist so I set up an appointment. The dr. was fabulous - talked to my son and not to my DH and I - on his level I mean - he told me after the first visit that he thought my son's behavior was normal 10 year old boy stuff; but since my son was in the middle of 5 ear surgeries in a year; we thought we'd keep going just in case he wanted to talk. We've been to see the dr. 5 or 6 times in those 9 months; just randomly; and it really made a big difference. I think my DS just needed another person to talk to. The way I figured it; if he needed someone to talk to about his fears or whatever, even though I wanted him to be comfortable talking to me or DH; I'd rather have him at least get those feelings out no matter who he talks to.
HTH.

Julie35 · 08-22-2007, 01:02 PM

This sounds like normal behavior to me. Not that it's acceptable. My kids have acted out after receiving a punishment many times. I think it's their way of expressing their frustration. It sounds like you're saying that you have been lenient in the past. I know on a lot of Dr. Phil shows he says kids will fight you on punishment if they are used to getting away with bad behavior.

Of course, I don't know your son. So it's hard to know if something more serious is going on.

Oregano · 08-22-2007, 01:03 PM

We don't spank either and I just don't advocate it...ever.

If he's acting differently than he has in the past, I might be inclined to talk to my ped about it and see what they suggest.

Jared&Maggie'smom · 08-22-2007, 01:11 PM

Um, I hope that it is ok for me to post. Before being a SAHM, I was a Mental Health Counselor for kids. My first guess of what is going on is that your ds is not wanting to be disciplined by your dh. If I remember right you are a newlywed, right???? Your ds may be thinking to himself "Who does this guy think that he is? I have a dad and a mom - I don't need him!" type of thing. No matter how much ds and dh like each other - having dh do discipline like this is probably not in the best interest of their relationship and therefore yours.

I would suggest having dh lay off from disciplining your son. Since he is your son - it should come from your and his father as much as possible. If that doesn't work and more "explosions" occur then maybe some family therapy. But a psychologist isn't necessary.

Alex's mommy · 08-22-2007, 02:19 PM

I think we are just going to change things, I will step up to the plate more to discipline my son. My son has been having his little tantrums probably when he was about 5.
My ex and I split up when he was about 3. He was too young to really know whats going on. But now that he's 7, its pretty clear to him.
So dh will help when needed and I will be the one to discipline and if needed, I will call my sons dad and he can chat with him over the phone.

I think the problem is that he doesnt want to be disciplined by dh, as Jaren&Maggie'smom said. Like she said hes probably thinking, your not my real dad and I dont have to listen to you.

Boy, parenting can be tough.

Happymom · 08-22-2007, 02:20 PM

I would say, if you are concerned, take him to talk to someone. It sure can't hurt anything.

Tricia209 · 08-22-2007, 02:34 PM

My oldest ds is 6 1/2 and responds negatively to punishment lately. I think it may just be the age. Plus your son may be a little jealous of your new dh - he was use to having you all to himself and now he has to share you. My parents divorced when I was young and I remember those feelings when my mom met her now dh.
Last school year when our son was acting out a lot at home, I talked to the counselor at his elementary school. She met with him a few times to 'talk' things out and it was a positive experience for him. You may want to check into that at your sons school.

calimari · 08-22-2007, 03:17 PM

I was also going to post that the stepfather should not do the discipline. The boy has 2 parents - they should agree on how to discipline and follow through. Your husband should follow through, but he should not decide/administer it.

JeannetteDavis · 08-22-2007, 10:35 PM

This may be way off base and maybe even out of line, but I would take his tv out of his room for awhile. Not as a punishment, but so that he has to spend more time with you. Maybe you could open dialogue and chat about his day. This could lead to building a new kind of relationship that would let you talk about the bigger things in a comfortable way. When kids that young have that much solitude, they can stew and make things even bigger in their minds than they have to be. Let him know that it isn't a punishment or for anything that he has done, but that you want to spend more time with him....sharing your evenings and free time together. You could maybe add some game time or other activities that you both would enjoy...together. Hope it gets better for you soon.