ok so here is the situation. i have one ds 6 and one ds 3. ds whos 6 has a friend from school that moved in next door and they like to play they leave out ds who is 3 and there are no kids his age around here. he then stands out side all sad and sometimes cries cause the other two leave him in the dust. ... so i guess my question is should i make them include ds who is 3 or just let ds 3 learn to deal... ds who is 3 is not assertive and not the type to join in he needs someone to encourage him to join in and i try but he wants his brother to include him. so what would you do in this situation i'm leaning on making older brother include him since he is the first one to cry if younger ds does not want to play with him... help what would you ladies suggest?

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In my situation, I always want the brothers to care for each other more than anything else, so I ask the older one when he has a friend to spend the first 30 min including his younger ones in the play, then he can play with his friend by himself. It has worked wonderfully for my house, the boys learn to be sensitive about what their brothers might be feeling... then explain this to the older one, so he feels he is taking care of his little brother too, should make him feel "big". When the boys are done playing with the little one, the little one could do something special, like art time, or special movie or something... hopefully this helps

That's tough...and maybe I'm a jerk, but I personally wouldn't make the older child play with his friend and include his brother as well. I would (and have) spent time with the younger child because he was feeling sad due to his brother having a friend over or whatever...cook something together, play a game together (and often the older ones want to join in)!

I agree. Maybe because my kids are different sexes, but they're only 2 yrs apart and I never MADE them let their sibling play if they had a friend. They each just had to learn that sometimes you have someone to play with and sometimes you don't. Maybe it would be easier with same sex kids, but realistically there is a big difference between 3 and 6. If they're doing something that all 3 can easily do, then I'd say fine, but otherwise, I'd just plan something for YOU to do with the 3 year old that he would think is fun or find him a friend to invite over.

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I think since the friend is next door and your older ds and him will be playing frequently (just a guess- maybe they will not) I feel that they should include your younger ds in play at times. For example, when they are riding bikes, or running around in the yard. Things that a 3 yr old can do. That at other times you can have the 3 yr old come in and do something by himself- color, play with play-doh.

If the friend came over once a week etc. then maybe I would let the older ones play by themselves. JMO kids need to all get along and learn to play with all kinds of kids- if the presidence is set that he does not have to include his brother in play, then I feel they will have a harder time as the years go on to all play together.

[quote=BlueJay]I think since the friend is next door and your older ds and him will be playing frequently (just a guess- maybe they will not) I feel that they should include your younger ds in play at times. For example, when they are riding bikes, or running around in the yard. Things that a 3 yr old can do. That at other times you can have the 3 yr old come in and do something by himself- color, play with play-doh.
/QUOTE]


this is what it was my boys went outside to play then the neighbor boy came out and started playing with them thats when my 3 year old gets pushed aside... they were playing basketball and then tossing the football and playing tag. nothing that my 3 year old could not play... it would be one thing if my son was specifically invited over to play with evan or if he invited him over to play. this is where my dilema lies since my boys were playing outside together at first... he does not think coloring or playing with playdough are special treats those are activites we do on a regular basis at our house we don't do alot of tv...

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'The will of God will never take you where the
Grace of God will not protect you.'

My older daughter and son know that they have to include my younger daughter and son. We have taught our kids that family is the most important thing. Friends come and go but your family will always be there for you. We want our two girls to be best friends and our two boys to be best friends, and for all four of them to be the closest of friends. And they really are. They have learned that they have to include each other and it is natural now and they really like it.

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Jenifer
Proud wife to one amazing man
Proud mom to four awesome kids

April showers bring May flowers
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

I agree. I have a 6yo ds and a 3yo dd, and right now, I have my son include my daughter for about 15-20 of play time with his friends. After that, it's his time and my dd and I do something together, like color, read a book, or do a craft. That way she gets some special mommy time. Oh, and when my son asks if he and his friend can do the craft? I tell him that his sister will be doing it too, and if he doesn't mind doing it with her, than that's fine. It's his choice. Sometimes he and his friend will, sometimes they won't.

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I agree with Blue Sky.

Just as a footnote, my oldest is 16 and then there is a 4yr and 2 yr, because this has always been my policy, the boys are all close, and my oldest just naturally includes my 4yr old when his friends come over. It makes my 4yr feel special and "big boy" to be hanging out with the teens, and my 16yr old friends very much enjoy the little ones and talk to them or wrestle with them for a little. Granted, its only for 15-30 min, but its nice to see, and mostly I never have to ask, and because my 16yr olds friends know the little ones so well and I've seen the great interaction and "spoiling" I would and do trust them to watch the little ones from time to time.
I know things work different for everyone, but more than anything I want my boys to be close and always have each others back, and so far its working nice. i would be upset if one was hurting on some way and the others just ignored it.