SAHM that returned to work when kids went to school

diamondgrl1177 · **SAHM that returned to work when kids went to school**

I'm starting to wonder what will happen when Kelsey and Thomas are both in school fulltime. Kindergarten is full day here, so then Thomas will be in Preschool 3 days a week. What kinda job did you take if you returned, if not, why did you not return. Financially do you worry? Do you have any regrets about returning vs. staying home. Personally, I would like to continue with the hospital and job working from home, that way when the kids are older, I can be home with them but still be able to pick and choose what I when I want to work. What I would make would be retirement money savings. I'm trying to see both sides of the picture. It's not an easy choice. Thanks

BlueJay · 08-25-2006, 02:01 PM

I grew up with a mom who stayed home- I know that the kids who parents were not there when they got home got themselves into trouble. Not all of them though a good handful.
My mom would always say- they act like that becasue they are home alone. SO imo I feel that it is just as important to be at home with them as they get older as it is when they are younger- will be interested in seeing what others feel about this.

debellafunk · 08-25-2006, 02:48 PM

when we all got to that age my mom started a home daycare and we hated it as kids. she didn't have the time for us, she thought just since she was still home that she was being there for us but she wasn't. I am going to go back to work when my child (ren) go to school but that is just me. I have a hard time staying home now. I mean I can only do so much cleaning, time alone durning nap time now. I could not imagine being home all day by my self I would go nuts. I know of a few moms that found pt receptionist jobs and things like that so they could be home when the kids are. I am going to go back to school when they go a full day.

Starlite · 08-25-2006, 03:17 PM

My dd is in 2nd grade, and I still have not returned to work for many reasons. I had two horrible jobs back-to-back before I became a SAHM, and because of those awful jobs, I'm hesitant to return to the big, bad, work world. When I was still in the workforce, I worked with many moms. They were constantly stressed out trying to juggle their jobs and their kids. If the women's kids got sick, they would have to try to find someone in the office who could cover for them while they were out. This would cause resentment among the non-kid workers in the office who never had to be out much. Plus, these women would have to beg their bosses to be off if their kids were sick or they had to do something else with their kids. Some bosses weren't very happy about these women's absences. I'm not sure if the workworld has become more family friendly since I was out there, but I remember all the problems the women had and I don't want to have to go through that. And finally, if I did return to work, I would want to work somewhere that was family friendly, flexible, and not in a high-stress environment. Not very many of those jobs out there. Fortunately, I have the support of my dh. He prefers me to stay home. Perhaps that sounds 1950's of me to say, but we're both older and are from the generation where moms still stayed home with their kids. We both want that for our dd.

Of course I worry about money -- who doesn't nowadays with the cost of living being ridiculously high and salaries not keeping up, but we're doing OK. We are putting money in our savings and dh's 401K every month. We're doing the best we can. I haven't worked in 8 years, so if anyone actually did give me a job, I highly doubt it would pay very much. In the long run, it would probably cost more for me to work (both in finances and mental stress) than to stay at home.

treehugger · 08-25-2006, 03:46 PM

Both my kids will be in school this year. Dh and I had a long talk about whether I should return to work or not and decided that it would be best if I stayed home. I want to be here if the boys need me, either in class, on field trips, if they are sick or whatever reason. It costs money to go to work. We did the math on my last job and after gas, lunches, cloths, fast food because of working late, it all adds up. I would be doing housework at night or on weekends when we should have had some time toghether, it's just not worth it for us. I'm happy for the decision. I love staying home. The projects that need to be done here are endless. Having me here is the right decision for us.

jnbythesea · 08-25-2006, 08:07 PM

Treehugger has an excellent point- before you think of going back to work, do the math on paper and see if financially you are coming out ahead. Many financial books use this as an illustration: having the mom (or dad) go back to work in many cases doesn't solve financial problems or change spending habits, and in some cases people wind up worse off dt stress, daycare costs, etc.

JMHO, I think that older kids, especially teenagers, need a parent at home as much or more than the little ones. There are so many ways that kids can get in trouble these days, especially if no parents are around. If I go back to work, it will be scheduled so that when I'm gone dh will be there. Luckily I am in a profession that gives me the option to work nights or weekends.

Three of my sisters work and have kids, and, honestly, their lives are very stressful. My one sister has never been able to take a real vacation; all her vacation days have been used up at home taking care of sick kids. Another sister has gone back to work so her kids can keep up with all their friends... trips, driving (teenage drivers make insurance go WAY up), tons of sports/activities. This has not helped things for her at home, which is one of my motivations to "simplify" my own life, so I can stay home and don't get caught up in the same kind of rat race.

I worked for years and realize that a lot of people have to work, but I feel like running a household with children really is a full time job- and not an easy one. There is always something to do, something that needs cleaning, some one that needs something.... If I had to juggle all that on top of work, I would feel very, very stressed. I wouldn't have much time to do all the things the kids and I enjoy. As a kid, I always liked having my mom there when I got home from school. When I was older and she had to go back to work, I really missed her stabilizing influence at home.

jacaminsmommy · 08-25-2006, 08:37 PM

I'm fortunate enough to have a prn job that I can pick and choose when I want to work(right now I consistantly work half days on Tues and Thurs). My oldest will be in K in a couple of weeks and my youngest will be starting ps 2 days a week. I will be picking up some extra hours on the Tuesday and Thursday and have friend who will pick up my ps son on Thursdays and my fil will be home for him on tues. I believe that in the best interest of our family, me being home is the best choice for us. I want to be able to go to any function that either of my children have or to be able to be there if they are sick. My dh and I were just having a discusion about this tonight and he even says that I am a lot crankier when I work all day! My response to that though is it is because I still have all of my other home "duties" to do that he does not help with when I work extra! I think that you just have to see what is going to be best for your family situation.

Stormy · 08-26-2006, 05:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Starlite

My dd is in 2nd grade, and I still have not returned to work for many reasons. I had two horrible jobs back-to-back before I became a SAHM, and because of those awful jobs, I'm hesitant to return to the big, bad, work world. When I was still in the workforce, I worked with many moms. They were constantly stressed out trying to juggle their jobs and their kids. If the women's kids got sick, they would have to try to find someone in the office who could cover for them while they were out. This would cause resentment among the non-kid workers in the office who never had to be out much. Plus, these women would have to beg their bosses to be off if their kids were sick or they had to do something else with their kids. Some bosses weren't very happy about these women's absences. I'm not sure if the workworld has become more family friendly since I was out there, but I remember all the problems the women had and I don't want to have to go through that. And finally, if I did return to work, I would want to work somewhere that was family friendly, flexible, and not in a high-stress environment. Not very many of those jobs out there. Fortunately, I have the support of my dh. He prefers me to stay home. Perhaps that sounds 1950's of me to say, but we're both older and are from the generation where moms still stayed home with their kids. We both want that for our dd.

Of course I worry about money -- who doesn't nowadays with the cost of living being ridiculously high and salaries not keeping up, but we're doing OK. We are putting money in our savings and dh's 401K every month. We're doing the best we can. I haven't worked in 8 years, so if anyone actually did give me a job, I highly doubt it would pay very much. In the long run, it would probably cost more for me to work (both in finances and mental stress) than to stay at home.

ITA! This post could have been written by me. I can't see myself doing a full time permanent job ever again unless I really HAVE to as in my dh loses his job and can't find another one. I'm pretty done with the working world. I worked about 15 years before ds, full time and for the most part pretty miserable jobs although okay money and great people. So I miss the adult interaction. But I've kept up these friendships, so there you go. I can see myself maybe working for a temp. agency doing short assignments - but if ds is sick or needs me or whatever, I'm OUT OF THERE!! I'm also thinking of doing seasonal things - like being an extra person at Costco for the holidays - things like that. It would be definitely great to have more $ for ds's education so anything I make will go towards that. Or I might get a job cleaning offices/buildings, etc. a few nights a week or something like that. That way I'd be home during the day and hopefully it wouldn't go until too late at night like catering work might be. Plus I like working on my own, not with the public. The only thing I'd have to 'get over' is the obvious lack of glamour with a job like that!

Doozer · 08-26-2006, 06:32 AM

My first thought was "yes I will" go back to work when the kids are in school. I have missed the preschool classroom so much. However, I have since realized that the time they are in school and I'm back to work, is also the most ideal for me to apply for my masters degree. So I am not sure if I will want to go to work or go back to school.

On the flip side, I have a friend who has three children (ages 8, 10, 13) and she is still a SAHM. But she doesn't stay at home. Her days are spent at the school. She is a classroom assistant (grading papers, getting lunches ready), she helps with fundraising; she's on the PT board. She is a busy busy woman. But her day does not end when the kids get out of school. After school she's taking them to ballet, piano lessons, soccer, horse back riding and karate. Her schedule is very full.

So that made me think about how available I would need to be if my kids wanted to do those things. I also want them to have a sense of security and consistency with having me home. We move around so much, and will for the next tne years, that they will be meeting new people, going to new schools, living in new neighborhoods so much. If having me here, for them is what can help them with this transition than I want to be there for them.

marikay · 08-26-2006, 05:20 PM

my kids just started to school - my youngest started all day kindergarten. I am interviewing for teaching and teaching assistant positions . it is a personal choice to stay home or go back to work. i have had a struggle with this as my kids were growing up. i am ready to go back to work and it is good for our family. hopefully i will have a little flexibility with the class parties and such. plus i will have the summers and holiday breaks off with them.