Dh, ds and I have a large home. I love it, but it is difficult to keep tidy with only one of us doing the tidy-ing.

Dh comes from a family that walk in the door, drop their stuff. Don't hang up anything, etc. Take off shoes, keep in one big pile in kitchen. Open a box, leave it lying around.

Now I am a SAHM, and of course I'm not staying home to be a maid. But in daily life there are just some practical things it makes sense for me to do while I'm home. Plan/shop for/cook meals. Do the cleaning. Laundry. Errands, etc.

But I'm getting burned out. Now dh is great at building, etc. He just built us a deck like a pro. But still - even though it was Hard work, it was satisfying for him. Like a hobby. He enjoyed it.

I'm not getting any satisfaction from constantly cleaning up after people. I'm not talking heavy duty cleaning. I'm talking, tidying up after yourself. Put your dishes away. Put your boxes away.

Oh and cooking a meal once a week (a good nutritious meal) and throwing in a load of laundry a few times a week - including the job of hanging the stuff up and putting it away - is that too much to ask? I'm finding I'm too exhausted at the end of the day for any hobbies - dh asks "why don't you find a hobby" - well because I'm too tired at the end of the day. That's why.

I'm thinking of coming up with a plan - a contract if you will for him.

I.e.: - I promise to cook and completely clean up one nutritious dinner a week.
- I promise to do a complete load of laundry per week
- I promise to go through the house every night and just tidy up what I've messed up.

That's all I'm asking for. As a SAHM is this unreasonable? Give me the dirt girls, I can take it. Our house is almost 3300 sq ft.

GOOD LUCK~

My dh does none of that.. He does hang his own coat and put his shoes on the rug. He puts his own dirty clothes in the basket.

But as far as that other stuff.... I do it.. I take the trash out, I clean the house, do the laundry, cook the meals. Pick up the stray cup and plates that linger in the living room after the tv has been turned off for the night..

If you can get your to sign a contract and stick to it.. He'd better be for hire to teach ours how to do the same

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Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!

Your dh and your ds need to be taught to pick up after themselves. I do the laundry, but it is folded and the kids all put their own away. Dh cooks and occasional meal. Just do NOT criticize what he chooses to make!!! Let it be his choice. After supper, everyone at my house puts their dishes in the kitchen. Dh and dd help put them in the dishwasher.

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~Happiness is a large family~

Good luck is right!

My DH does do A LOT around the house. He never leaves stuff lying around and he does a lot of little things. For example, if we are watching tv and I bring up a load of laundry to fold, he will always help me fold it. If he gets home a few minutes early and the table isn't set yet, he will do it. He will make lunch on the weekends, etc. I know I am blessed - don't hate me!!!

The reason I say good luck is that I was once your DH! When I was growing up and when I lived alone, I just left stuff lying around. If people were coming over I would crisis clean. My mother always cleaned up after my brother and we never really had to help clean (our chores always involved outside stuff like raking leaves and weeding). As a result, I never learned how to keep a neat house. When it was just me an DH he did most of the cleaning and even cooked dinner 4 or 5 nights a week (he got home from work before I did). I did learn to stop just leaving stuff around, but it took a few months to break the habit and I WANTED to do it because I wanted to make less work for him (we were newlyweds, after all). Then when I became a SAHM mom, our house fell apart for a while. Nine years later, I can now take care of almost everything around the house, but it was not easy - and I still have help from DH.

Basically, what I am trying to say is that you should talk to DH about it and definitely ask for him to change, but don't expect miracles. When you have been raised a certain way, it is VERY hard to change and you really have to want to change. Hopefully he will see how stressed you are becoming and want to make llife easier for you.

Yeah, my DH will make a meal, but it's MORE work for me because while I clean as I go....put things away, fill dirty dishes with water or even rinse and put into dishwasher....he leaves everything out! If he does laundry, he leaves it in the basket FOREVER!

If you get your husband to do that stuff completely let us know how!!!!!!!!!

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Sarah

No you not asking too much. I also got overwhelmed by the expectation to be the house hold maid along with everything else.
Now we actually have a chore list - yip just like kids - on the fridge on what has to be done on what day and who is responsible for it. No I dont have to ask for something to be done - it just gets done.

My Dh does a ton of housework - but I learnt to get him do it the hard way -

1) As kikisian said, a very specific "honey do" list - trust me, being specific is the key.

2) I read in Men are from Mars.......ask "will you please unload the dishwasher?" instead of "please unload the DW" ----yes you need to suck it up. I used to do this initially, now that he is trained , i say " DW needs to be unloaded".

3) Lower your standards - I used to fold clothes, iron even undergarments, now with a 7 month, I rarely fold cloths. I hate it but I just don't have time.

Good luck!

This made me kinda smile, because when I had only one seven month old, I thought I was busy too. Now I ahve 4 kids ages 7, 5, 3 and 15 months and homeschool the oldest two. I sometimes wish for the more laid back days. More of them took naps then. LOL I will pick up after my DH, but NOT children. Children are at least trainable.

PS If you used to iron undergarments, you had too much time. Joking. LOL

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I am in this with all of you. My DH does help out around the house when he feels like it or when he knows he should if he wants me to get in a better mood . Anyway, it is still hard as a SAHM to find time for myself after taking care of everything for DH and 4 kids and two pets. I will pick up after DH also but the kids....no way!

I do feel your pain. I had to finally just take a day off here and there and make time for myself. No one else was going to do that for me.

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Hmph...I'd be thrilled if I could get my family to do that last thing on your contract list.

Except for yardwork, I don't expect my dh to do a lot of heavy housework. My dh works a hard job (sometimes working overtime) and takes college classes. He's really busy and doesn't have a lot of extra time. Sometimes he'll cook a meal on the weekend, but that's by choice (oh, and I have to clean up afterwards -- fun, fun). My dh hasn't washed a load of laundry in ages. The last time he touched our washing machine was when he was leaning on it to get something from the shelf above it. I'd be afraid to let my dh do any laundry.

Good luck and let us know how it goes. That contract would go over like a lead balloon in my house.