This thread got me thinking about a friendship in my life and I needed to vent and ask for advice.

Ok so the main issue I have with this friend that I have had for 14 years is this, SHE NEVER KEEPS PLANS or she backs out at the last minute when we have plans. And when we get together she is just a "debbie downer". We got together this past weekend at my home with some other friends(we had not gotten together since the middle of may) and she barely had 2 words to say. I would even try to start conversation and it did not work.
I have mentioned this to her before and at first she was really defensive and then she said she was sorry for it and we went on from there. That was probably a year ago. I value ALL my friendships and try to nuture them as much as I can. I call, email, get together when possible, ect.....
I am not the only friend she does this to and it is not something new. This has been going on since our 20's. And it seemed in my 20's I would say, "oh, that is just what she does, no big deal" but now I cannot just overlook those things. I am ready to just stop contacting her and if I see her then I see her but I am at the end of the road trying to make an effort to keep this friendship going. I have never done this purposefully with a friend that I have held near and dear to my heart. But my efforts are fruitless and my energy is depleted.

Any advice?

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Jenifer M

I had this going on w/ a friend of 12 years.
She was my bff and thought her and I couldn't separate ever!
Well, it was the end of our road when this started happening. I was making every attempt to please & amuse her. How much is too much though? I wasn't going to prance around for her entertainment any longer. I would try asking what was wrong and she would often say "nothing". One day I just decided to give her one last phone call. I acted as if everything was A ok and asked her to call me back whenever she'd like. It's been two years and I've yet to receive a phone call. I wasn't a bad friend and though I miss our friendship, I'm not willing to compromise my sanity for her. I wish her and her family well, but that's all I can say for that.
Good luck w/ your situation, hope you pull through!

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You must be the change you want to see in the world ~ Gandhi

I may have been considered a friend like this...I don't like to go out, I don't want to go out. I don't mind an occasional (maybe every 4-6 months or so) play date with other mothers and kids, but I am just not a social person. I actually enjoy email/IM conversations much better than phone and face to face. I was beginning to make plans and back out of them because I felt pressured. When I finally decided that it wasn't very cool and why should I do something I don't want to do, I just quit agreeing to plans. I don't feel bad when I'm not invited to things, because I know I wouldn't want to go anyway. If your friend is like me, it would actually be a blessing if you just quit making plans with her.

I don't really think I'm a bad friend...I am still here with a shoulder and my friends know that. Maybe I am a bad friend and they just don't tell me, lol.

My friend would actually hang out with other people. I understand that you're not excited to go out socially anymore, I feel the same at times. She would just blow ME off alltogether though.

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You must be the change you want to see in the world ~ Gandhi

Ugh...that is crappy!

Oh no my friend hangs out with others as well. She has no lack of a social life.
I understand life gets busy and things happen where we get seperated in our relationships.
But she has no problem when 2 friends in particular ask her to do stuff.
However I am not the only one she bails on, she has actually made plans with another friend, went to her house got a call from one of the other 2 BFF's she does stuff with, and bailed on the friend whose house she was already at!
I am not sure if she is completely oblivious to this or if she just does not care.
So I am in the same boat, I am just going to leave it in her boat and if she wants to get together then I will consider it but I am done making the effort.

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Jenifer M

That's what I did and eventually things will play themselves out.
She hasn't called or made an attempt to connect so I won't either.
It's been tough being w/o her, she was a wonderful friend for a long time.

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You must be the change you want to see in the world ~ Gandhi

i have a friend like this and i just now send a nice holiday card wishing them a happy and healthy new year.

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'The will of God will never take you where the
Grace of God will not protect you.'

HAVE A BOOTIFUL HALLOWEEN

lets see a mommysavers on oprah check it out! http://mommysavers.com/boards/announ...frey-show.html

I have had a friend do me wrong. It's hard to get over at first. I process things in my head before talking them out with the supposed friend! It does make me more guarded and it can redefine our relationship; depending on what they did of course.

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