Is anyone else insecure or jelous by nature? *I think I come across as a b*tch or jelous but I now know it's insecurities. *I have begun to question my self a lot lately.

My dh (along with his brother and my oldest ds) is involved in a community musical. *He has been practicing anywhere from 3-5 hours a night 4 nights a week for 6 weeks. *

A little bit of backround- we have been married for almost 11 years have 4 kids 9, 6, 4, 2.5. *He works from 4 am - 2-3pm M-T-Th-F-S. *He bowls in the winter on league and in the summer golfs weekly at least. *He has in the past had issues when I want to go out or if I do then he adds something onto the above also.

Anyway this musical the practices are long and there are 6 shows. *He loves it, talks about it all the time, and of course so does everyone else. *I have been a royal crab. *I broke down on the 4th and bawled. *He bugged and bugged until I told him why. *I feel like I've lost myself. *It's so selfish. *I've become a mom. *I'm no longer Chris, I'm mom. *My dh bowls, golfs, goes out with his brother, goes to tournaments, sporting events, last year had an all school reunion that he dragged me to and I sat with the kids at his mom's house the WHOLE time while he partied it up, and now it's the musical. *He has a lead part and of course the girl is 10-15 years younger than I, pretty, THIN, super nice, the greatest person, the best voice, and on and on and on. They do have a couple kissing scenes. *He can't say enough good things about her and my son thinks she's the greatest. *I don't worry about him with this girl but it's hard to be happy. On the 4th I told him I didn't feel like a priority to him or important. *I feel like I don't have anything for myself. *Yes I'm gone but it's to school things (I'm very involved in school) PTA, school board chairperson, grant writing, school nurse, and classroom helper sometimes. *It's almost like a job. *I don't feel like it's for fun. *I don't feel like I have friends and I don't ever have time to do anything just for me without the kids. *I truely feel lost. *He got very emotional and said I hurt him by saying that I/we didn't matter and that he feels so blessed to have us and we are the best things that happened to him me and the kids. *He loves me so much. *He thanked me over and over for allowing him to do the musical it means so much to him. *Well I started crying more and felt so bad for hurting him I basically apologized to him over and over.

Well we had a small fight the day of his show. *I brought my youngest to grandma's house and went to the show. *After it was over he was basically avoiding me in the lobby his sister even said we acted like we didn't like eachother. *I was so embarrased and hurt. *I confronted him the next day and we had a huge fight. *He was not respectful of my feelings this time at all.

I am truly ashamed of my feelings I know that I should be so happy and supportive (of course my SIL is of her dh). *IAnd I worry all the time about what he says about me to his brother, the girl in the play, other people in the play etc...

I just feel so lost

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I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this. I don't know if it will help, but I think that what you are feeling is completely normal. Okay, I HOPE it is because I have had these feelings myself, so I figure it is normal. Listen, you remember a time in your life when you actually had a life for yourself. Like your husband STILL does, and you miss it. He doesn't understand because he still has his own interests and his life isn't so changed by marriage and kids. Yours is. You are now involved in things, not because you would want to spend all your free time doing these things before children, but because you want to be involved FOR your children. That is different than doing something and being involved in things for your own interests and happiness. You need to explain it to him and say that it's not that you want him to have any less fun, but you want to have your opportunity as well. Then figure out what it is you want to do and do it. Make arrangements that if he is out so many nights for whatever, that he will cover you for your outtings. You need to take care of your emotional health for your family's sake as well as your own. It sounds like he just doesn't get it, but will try to understand because he loves you so much. I hope this helps!!!!!

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Parker, Wyndser, and Carson....................Wyndser (in blue) with her cousin

I'm so sorry, that you're going through this with your Dh. I agree with Jeannette, that you need some "Me" time for you, some activities, that you enjoy doing just for you. He needs to understand, how you feel, and that you need to do things, that you enjoy doing for yourself. Sometimes, we need an outlet sometimes, amd your Dh needs to understand that. It would be beneficial for your emotional well being, as a person. I'm trying to balance my life out also, but have different circumstances on my part. Hope everything gets better with your DH.

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AHHHH. i love you for posting this, well I dont love you because I hardly know you... But I was just going to post something similar.

I have nothing keeping me...me anymore and it sounds like you've got the same thing going on!

It's easy to say - well I know it's ok to feel this way but it's difficult to feel fine with it.

Your husband needs to understand that it's not ok to treat you that way but men seriously have a one track mind, they can't think about more than one feeling at a time. So you get into a conversation about feelings and your trying to tell him your mad, hurt, sad, rejected...etc and he's like, wait...what?

If you have some outside friends, go out with them one time a month (he can handle that) Put it on the family calender and just say to your husband, I'm going out once a month from now on - I would appreciate if you can support me on that.

We just moved so I don't have any friends to do that with.

It's hard to justify "me" time - but even taking a walk by yourself helps sometimes, or go out for a drink or whatever you like to do. I really like to go to coffee shops and reading a book, and just people watch...to me...that's liberating

I hope you find something that liberates you.

Thank you ladies for your replies. *I am writing him a letter to see if that helps. *I think I need to get all these feelings out of me and what I posted is not all of them. *The sad thing is I could have filled a few more posts easily. *I think writing it will help. *When all the shows are over I'll give it to him if I still feel like it.

I have turned work people down so many times that no one asks anymore * *and most of the other people I know are really similar as far as doing things without family. *I guess I really need to think about me for once.

It's hard to justify the expense and time for just myself. *In the past he hasn't been the nicest about it either. *It also makes me angry that I let him make me feel guilty for wanting something for myself.

I appreciate being to vent here even though my problems are way smaller than others- thanks

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You don't need to apologize he it the one being selfish. You need you time. He needs to watch the kids. enough said! I would go crazy if my dh even thought about doing half of what yours is doing. He does something once a week whether it be golf or poker or meeting his friends and most of the time I feel like that is too much. I don't get to go out every week. I think they just assume they can go do whatever and we will just continue to watch the kids while they have fun! You need to stand strong and set him straight! You can't live your life without doing something for yourself!

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I am only one, but I am one. I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do. -Edward Hale

i feel the same way sometimes.Expecially since i started being a sahm.My dh goes to work,has lunch w/his co-workers,goes to the gym after work and runs errands without children.Everything i do involves kids.I was planning on talking to him this weekend about me going somewhere once a week alone!I have no alone time or friend time.The most i do is talk to them on the phone.

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I am sorry you are going through this. I think an awful lot of us can relate. My DH is in sales so he is always going out to eat with clients for breakfast and lunch while I am at home eating cold cereal and leftovers. He teaches karate, he belongs to the gym, he is yard obsessed and plays waaaay too much golf. Sometimes I feel like crying because I feel like all I have is taking care of the house and DD. Don't get me wrong -- DD is the love of my life and I would do anything for her -- it just feels like I don't have anything that is just mine. So obviously I am no help to you because I can't even figure out a solution for myself! I hope it helps just knowing that it is definitely not a "you" problem. Hang in there girl!

I was feeling the same way and finally did something. I work on Saturdays now. At first I felt guilty because I was missing a family day but I bring home a little extra money. I also get one day where I can sit and have lunch like an adult and feel like I'm not just a mom. It also allows my dh to see that my job during the week is not all fun and games. It use to be when he had the kiddos all they did was play now I tell him hey you've also gotta do laundry and clean and no fair going out for lunch every week and oh yeah make some dinner. It has been a great experience for both of us. I am very tired when I come home and have been able to tell him how much I appreciate that after he comes home from work he musters up the energy to still want to do something with his family instead of veg in front of the tv. Just a thought

Gosh this summed up exactly what I was going to say.

And Girlfriend I don't think there's a wife alive that didn't feel like she got all the work and dh got all the fun. I feel often that I take a backseat to his hobbies and if he doesn't get to do them he's all "I need something for me", don't we all....

We're going to the lake Thurs. while the guys are out doing water sports who do you think will be on the shore making sure the kids do go out too far? Well the woman of course.

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* Let it not be said that no one cared, that no one objected once it's realized that our liberties and wealth are in jeopardy.

~Ron Paul

"If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy."
- James Madison