When it comes to the kiddies I do absolutely everything!! As well as all the housework. Dh will help clean up after dinner and he does the lawn work, and he'll dress the baby after her bath. But that's all. He gets all pised if he is asked to do bedtime or baths. So I just don't ask I am a very patient person where my dh is not. But sometimes I get to that breaking point. Well last night was one of those times. My 9 month old still will not sleep through the night and wakes up a good 3 or more times. I've tried everything but nothing works. When I put her down for bed or naps I just lay her in her bed give her her binky turn on her mobile and leave and she goes to sleep. But when she wakes up in the night she won't put herself back. Sometimes I can turn her mobile on and sit in the floor and she'll go back sometimes she just cries until I pick her up and rock her. Well needless to say I am getting exausted with this. Well last night I fed her at 7:45 and put her down at 8 she wakes up at 9:30 screaming her head off like always and I told my husband I will wait a while and see if she'll put herself back. I waited a good 10 min. and she was just getting madder and madder. So I went in and tried to sit in the floor still she screamed. Then I rocked her she fell asleep I put her in her bed again crying after feeling like I was going to lose it. I go into my husband and tell him he has to go in I can't do it anymore, I feel like I'm going to lose it. He get all pissed off and said you should have tried it last night after 2 minutes he comes back in and says it's just a game to her and he says you think you are going to lose it I feel like killing everyone in the house. So I had to go back in and deal with her on my own. It was another long night for me. I don't mind doing it most of the time. But when I say I need a break he needs to step up. It's not that often. He doesn't get it. Always just thinking of himself. I know he works hard and long hours and hates when I compare what we do.

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"Before I was a Mom I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body." ~Anonymous

Big hugs sweetie!

My DH is not very patient with our girls lately. He is gone a lot, he works 70 miles away, so he has 12 or more hour days, with his commute. He is starting a new job in 2 weeks, closer, by 20 miles probably, and instead of 9-6, it'll be days, start in the afternoon, or even evening. Days off will once again vary, not just weekends. We always thought we'd like M-F, days.

Well, I think he will be more of a help, if he can cut the grass Mon. am., run kids to school, and help with the baby when he arrives.

Right now, I do most everything, unless he gets PO'd by the mess, and decided to help. OH, his method of cleaning is to take EVERYTHING in a room, put it in a pile in the middle of the floor. So last night the girls were snacking on a bag of cereal, and he tosses it in the pile! Once was my purse. I was so mad, I was like stop acting like I am the girls ages...

He's gotta get retrained.... I can't do it all, I try not to complain. He does work hard, but when he sees his now 29 week pregnant wife mopping the kitchen floor and just sits there it makes me want to cry. MEN....

He has to change, simple as that!
You have to talk to him and make him step up to the plate, he is not a kid and needs to act like the parent that he is.
My DH help as much as possible, granted he works 14hrs a day, but weekends he is there, on sunday I was so tired and ended up with a migraine and told him I need a break, he kept the kids and I slept till 11am!
When I am at that point where I cant take it anymore, I tell him and he will give me a couple of hours off and I can calm myself down and come back.

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We buy things we dont need,
with money we dont have,
in order to impress people
we dont like?
(Ramsey, D)

just sit him down and tell him how it is...and how its going to be going forward. give hime some options though... i.e. if you do bathtime, he does dishes. if you do bedtime, he folds load of laundry. just work it out and tell him that you need the help.

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Dottie

Mom to Michael 6, Matthew 4, Katherine 2, Ellen 1, and new baby EDD 10/29/08

I'm sorry dh is doing this to you. You do need his help..Hey, he helped create this little one! Your baby could be teething, which is a big reason to wake up screaming. On those nights when you sense this is happening, a dose of Tylenol (4hrs) or Ibuprofen (6hrs) can help, and maybe some teething gel and Hylands tablets. It helps my daughter sleep. Sometimes babies really do need your help to get back to sleep, especially when dreams start happening and teething starts. This too, will pass, but baby needs you now. It's not a game - they don't think of it that way, nor are they manipulating - they just know what they need and tell you the only way they know. You are very important to baby, and sometimes daddy just won't do. Can you give your husband a small list of some things he can help with? That's my dh's big thing: I can't read your mind, and you like to do it all. Just tell me how I can help and let me do it my way (that last one's the clincher). I promise, it will get better. Sleeping with baby may be a way to get over this hump. Good luck to you.

Sorry to hear that your DH doesn't help as much as you would like.

We have 5 little ones and DH and I both are in school, we both also work--but I only work part-time.

I would love it if my DH helped clean the table or change the kids clothes EVER. I would love it if he changed the oil in the car, or fixed the appliances when they break. I would love it if he would help fix up the house--sand the floors, replace trim, paint, etc. But he doesn't.

My guess is that somewhere along the line you probably used to like to do things for him and it just became a habbit. Then it becomes an expectation.

I will be the first to admit that DH is busy and doesn't have a lot of time to lend a hand, but hey, neither do I. I am a married single parent but do you know who the worst "mess maker" in our home is?????? Yup, DH.

I choose my battles. My house is never spotless, I have learned to accept that. I can't do it all....I can only do what I can do. Everyone that knows me knows that DH doesn't help--I mean really AT ALL. For example, if he's hungry it is automatically my job to fix something for him and if I don't, he will feed himself---but not the kids. Sometimes the selfishness amazes me.....

I can only offer you my sympathies and let you know that I feel your pain.

I just wanted to let you know I'm in the same boat. I am now working full time, in college full time, and I'm the sole homemaker. I cook all the meals, I do all the laundry, I do all the cleaning. Tonight I was getting frustrated while cooking dinner because I really needed to get some homework done. and so if DH could have bathed the kids and gotten them ready for bed I would have had an extra hour for studying! I called him on his cell and asked when he'd be home from work and he says "Oh (Friend) and I went to his farm, he needs help loading a tank to take to town to paint, blah, blah, blah." I could have screamed "DON'T YOU THINK I EVER NEED YOUR HELP?????"
I am also sick and tired of acting like a single parent so often. I get no help at all from him, but a lot of it stems from the fact that we're only a few weeks into our new life with me working and going to school. I'm going to have to lay down the law and say "I need you to help me more, or you might as well not EVER be here, EVER." I love him a lot, and he is a great guy in so many ways, but he is a complete bonehead about family responsibility.
So, here's a toast to doing it all <clink>!

I so know this feeling. I went somewhere for just a couple/three hours the other night and when I came home (9:30-10ish), Abby (2) was still not bathed (the older three bathe themselves without needing help or having to be told). This conversation ensued:

Me: "Did she not take a bath?"
Dh: "Nope."
Me: "Why not??"
Dh: "Because she threw a fit and didn't want to."

Uh...so that makes it ok??? She's TWO...MAKE her take a bath, for crying out loud. I was SO mad because he just didn't want to be bothered. Dh will occasionally "watch" the kids and make supper...but when I come home, the house looks like a mad train wreck and the kitchen is still dirty from supper. And wait until they get older so he can argue with them instead of just stepping up and being the PARENT. He kills me...he'll sit and carry on about the kids acting up...or argue with them...instead of just CALLING THEM DOWN and enforcing DISCIPLINE. GROW UP!!

*sigh* Ok...now that I've gotten that off of my chest, I can say I sympathize with you and wish I had a magic answer.

I understand where you are coming from. I joke with my dh that I am the President of the Single Wives club. He knows that it is somewhat true, but that doesn't change anything. So if any of you would like to take office with me come on aboard I could use someone else in my club. :D

As for getting the little one to sleep all night, I really recommed the book Sleeping Through the night. By: Dr. Jodi Mindell. It had some great information and has helped my family get our little ones to sleep all night. I have used mine so much that I have wrote in the margins, highlighted and underlined parts that I refer back to often. He has real solutions for almost any sleep issue out there. I know I used her philosophy when it came to night wakings. GREAT BOOK. Just a suggestion that we used, maybe try laying her down without starting the moblie...sometimes if a baby falls asleep while it is going and then they wake up and it is not still playing they sense something is not right and then can not fall back to sleep without help of some sort of help (rocking, turning the mobile back on, etc..). I have been in your shoes and I understand how you are feeling so I wish you all the best in finding a solution. Hope that this helps.

alaska-mama-of-2

Yes, I feel your pain. My dh does little, he has some medical problems and is fatigued alot and I have let it go, but it is starting to get to me. He huffs and puffs when the garbage is full and he has to take it out AGAIN. He got upset when I took some clothes to a consignment sale last night and he had to give the little one a bath. I rarely go out at night to do anything because if I do we get out of our routein and everything goes haywire. He is also selfish, why are men like that? If I have something to eat and my ds wants a bite I give it to him. If dh has something, no way. It's like he's the four year old that doesn't want to share. I am so tired of doing EVERYTHING for everybody. I am not the maid, I am the mom! My kids didn't pick up their rooms last week, so I scooped everything up and put in a garbage bag and their not getting it until they keep their rooms neat and tidy. Mommy is on the rampage! Watch out!