Generally, I pick different friends for different issues, so I know that it will be someone who agrees with me

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~Happiness is a large family~

That's the unfortunate part of "friends". It's better to be choosy with whom you confide in!

Yep, same here!

So those of you that pick a friend to go to, do you pick someone who knows that person also??? The reason I ask is because that seems to place the person you're having a disagreement with in a difficult position.

Say there are friends A, B, & C. So A and B get into a disagreement. Friend A doesn't say anything to friend C because she doesn't want to put C in the middle of it since she's friends with B also. BUT...friend B runs to C and tells "her" side of the story, so friend C then is left thinking badly about A just because she only heard one side of the story. Just seems somewhat unfair to me.

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If friend C is truly a friend of A&B she will probably know that quality about B anyways and not judge A too harshly.

Most friends, true friends at least, are friends despite our faults. I have a friend who does that, but I know it about her and love her anyways. Our mutual friends also know it about her and just accept that as part of her. We don't LIKE it, but we know it is there and always have. My true friends know how to take anything that she says. JMO

In a situation like that, I keep C out of it. It causes too much hurt feelings. If C came to me later, I would say something to clarify, but I would try to avoid doing that in the first place.

I dunno. If you have an issue with someone and go running to other people about it, I think it then becomes gossip, and can put the other people in a bad situation. Why rally? Asking advice is one thing, but causing bad feelings among other people who may know the person - that's just gossiping and being immature. You also get a rep as a whiner. JMHO.

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Yeah, you are right, desertmom. We all do think our friend who is a "B" person in aliadam's scenario that I mentioned is a whiner.

Good point!

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I suppose this is bumping up an old thread, but I have been thinking about this post.

And I can honestly say that I have been A B and C at one point or another.

I have absolutely been A and not wanted to put anyone in the middle, C or anyone else. Probably because the disagreement wasn't worth it or it wasn't something that I was taking personally.

I can also say that I have been B, in that I have had disagreements with people and really wanted to resolve it, and most likely went to C for help and/or advice in correcting the situation. However, I can say that it never occurred to me that I would be putting C in an uncomfortable place, and that was selfish on my part. Thanks for opening my eyes to that point of view.

And last, I have been C, where someone has come to me on how to handle a situation because they had a disagreement with someone and wanted advice or help on how to proceed. I would like to think that it never influenced my opinion of A one bit. Just trying to help B through a "tough time".

I guess what I am saying here, is it depends on the situation, but I don't think that anyone ever has bad intentions, whether they are A B or C. I think it is all human nature and part of reality, not necessarily right or wrong.

Just my 2 cents for what they are worth.

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I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. ~ Frances Moore Lappe