And quite an odd thing to do??
First of all I have Never Heard of such a thing before , and I decided to Let My Mommy savers Tell Me and Dh if I am making too big a Deal out of this.

Long story short -
Dh Found out this Morning his Mom has already Prepurchased her Burial Plot at the Cemetery Where her mom and Grand mom are Buried. OK , a Normal thing to do ,

BUT - She also Purchased a Plot For DH , DH's Sister , ME And all our Kids!!

Now let Me say First that this is not about me Having A Morbid Fear of Burial and Dying ,
Obviously We are all going to go and we will all need burial Plots.

I think 100% that DH and I should Pick out our own , and pick out where it will be.

I also think when our Kids are Grown , that can be their Choice too.
And God forbid that something happen to them when they are young, that should Be Our Choice where they are lay ed to Rest!

Dh thinks that I Am making too big of a Deal , He just says ," we Won't Be buried there then "
I think He Needs to Tell his Mom to Get Rid of them , or I Need to Tell her too.
I don't Know if she can Get Rid of them Per se BUT : I Want it to be Known that We Don't think its Fair If Our kids are Buried with his Family , but what about My Family?? I am not saying That we have to all be with them , I Just Feel like it would Be Very Odd if We were all with his family and didn't consider My Family and Laying to Rest with them.
there are so Many other what ifs - of course, no one knows " when "
I also don't want to have to Be Grieving my children and Have to Argue that I DON"T want them Buried in this Cemetery.
Especially If I Want them closer to Me or My Family.
I could Go on Forever of why I Am thinking this was a Very strange unheard of thing to do ,
But I will wait for your Responses, and See if I Am Way off - or if I should Address this ASAP with MIL!!

ETA : I think she was just doing this To be Nice , and didn't Really think it was a big deal . I am not Mad at her, Just Dumfounded a mother would Do this.

Personally, I think it is not that big of a deal. Yes, she should have consulted you first, yes she overstepped her bounds and to buy for her grandchildren without thinking about their future spouses was probably a waste. BUT, she is saving you a ton of money, you won't have to worry about it (or your kids) when the time comes and after you are gone, what difference does it make? It will be easier for your children if all their relatives are in the same locale.

I would graciously accept and knock one more thing off your list of things to pay for in the future. JMO

Thats one of the issues I Don't Get ,

Yeah they would Be with his family but what about My family??

Obviously You Can't Be in two Places,
But it just seems so Weird to Me,
that is something Dh and I Should Decide.

Another Very odd thing is that we have our Own Church so wouldn't she assume that we would probaby Be Buried close to there,?? If She was thinking at all. IDK.
Its all so Weird to me and I think she way Over stepped.

We all have life Insurance too , we are prepared ,
I don't have to worry about Paying for a Plot or Funeral.
so the Money thing does nothing to ease my mind.
To me this is Like puttting a Deposit on a Reception hall for our Wedding , without finding out First if that is where we all want to Celebrate.

I still think it would be easier on the kids. Again, JMO.

I do think she should have asked you first though. I would still take it and say thank you.

I would make out my will and specify where you do want to be buried. I am not sure I would even bring it up to her if it will cause problems. If you don't think it will cause problems, I would discuss it nicely and calmly with her. Personally, I don't want to be buried at all. I would rather be creamated and my ashes scattered. My ds's ashes are on a shelf in our living room and will be mixed with dh and I when we go and scattered across the country side.

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~Happiness is a large family~

Its nice that she loves your family so much, but I have to say it seems to me that was a control/manipulative way to do things, I would doubt that it just slipped her mind to consult you guys first....jmho

Good point, Happymom. I was assuming that would be done.

I would be upset as well but I'm not too sure how to advise. I do not have that type of relationship with my MIL and I know my mother would never do such a thing. I'm sure she ment it as a good thing but I suspect, when it came right down to it, that she didn't even think before she did it.

I guess I wouldn't say anything (with the asumption that she would go before me due to her age) and if it really bugged me, I would put it in my will where I would like to be buried.

I Guess my Biggest issue is here # 1 Her son is married!! And His Wife ( Me) Has a Family too.
So if all other questions are Never Answered , i cannot sit here and Fathom why anyone would Think it was up to them where their Child and HIS family should be Buried.


Seriously if you had a Married son , Would you ever just go ahead and Buy his Plots ??

I would think of my DIL 's Family and Her wishes ,


And i am Feeling Bad too , Cause essentially His Mom blew money foolishly again


Oh another Big issue , I have is MY kids - What if Something Happens to all of us and they Have to Make the Burial decision on them ??Lets say Dh and I Were Seriously Hurt and Couldn't Speak up ??

That is why i want to talk to her.
I Don't want my young Kids buried there. When they are older ,They can make their wishes known of course, but right now , I dont want them there.

I think I would be upset too. Do you think you can talk to her without her getting upset about it? I don't think that my MIL or my mom would even think to buy plots for anyone other than themselves...kind of like how my dh and I will decide where we want to be buried/scattered and the girls along with their spouses will decide what will happen to them. Hmmm, that is kind of odd I think. although I understand she probably thought she was being generous, but it seems a lot controlling as well. Has she tried to be controlling in other areas of your life as well?

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~~Shawn~~ Wife to John 7/6/95~~Mommy to Sydney, Jordan and Brooklyn~~