Hi, my ds is 7 and recently we found out that he is starting to lie and hide things from us. For example he does not tell us if he got in trouble in school and will lie about his lunch( he will throw it away and tell us that he ate it all). The other day he did not finish eating his food so I sent him with his plate to a corner to finish eating ( he does this most of the time either eating so slow or does not finish his food) so he comes back and say that he is done. We found out later that he threw his food away and hid it. I know some of you might say to leave him alone and he will eat when he is hungry. He is a very slow eater and he does it on purpose. It takes him forever to finish eating and it is causing us to be very frustrated. Also he will tell you that he cleaned his room and I will found out that he hid his clothes under his bed. His uncle questioned him the other day why he lied about hiding his food and my ds told him that he was scared that he will get in trouble. I am afraid now that I caused this to happened to him . If I did how can I solve it before it is too late. I do not want my son to lie to us.

My first thought is that your son has some kind of disorder that is causing him to eat too slow. I would really check with your ped. and IMO I'd stop the 'punishing' with the corner. This might be obvious, but are you giving him too much? I'd start very small and see if he asks for seconds if he doesn't he isn't a big eater (my dh is exactly like this, he eats much less than I do). If that didn't work I'd definitely talk to your ped. about this. Maybe he's packed such a big lunch that he eats what he can and then throws the rest away too? Just a thought. IMO this is not a punish-able offense if he is given too much. I always pick my battles with food they are just not worth it. You want eating to be pleasurable not something to be punished for not finishing IMO.

About the clothes under the bed, I'd start doing the "don't put your clothes under the bed" and not accuse him of lying about it, just tell him you don't want him to do it anymore. I also started this with my ds, granted he is only almost 5 but it has been working great so far. Say I ask him to do something he doesn't want to do and he doesn't do it. I'll ask him, "did you pick up your room" and he'll look guilty and say Yes he did. Well in all liklihood he didn't and I'll say, "Did you really? You can be honest, I'm not going to be angry if you didn't." Then he'll say, "No, I didn't" and I'll say, "Thank you for being honest. Now I did ask you to go pick up your room, and I expect you to do that. So please go do it" and he will. I want him to know what "being honest" means and that he won't get in trouble for telling the truth. This is why I (though I don't) would Want to tell a lie, why would ds be any different? Hope this helps, good luck.

Oh and I want to suggest a VERY good book about children's eating habits, its called, "Coping with a Picky Eater" by William G. Wilkoff, M.D. It deals with children's eating habits (or non-eating habits lol) from one to six. I know your son is older, but it does go into some explaination of the eating habits of older kids. I found it really useful!!!

It must be the age. My stepdaughter is 7 and she lies about everything. Even if you catch her doing something, she'll still lie and say that she didn't do it. She has started writing "I WILL NOT LIE TO MY PARENTS" on a sheet of paper when she lies. It started with 25 times and goes up 25 everytime she lies to us.

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Crystal
Mom to Paige & Faith

Hmmm...well if it were me, I'd stop pressuring/punishing etc about the eating. But I am a mom that doesn't make a big deal about food, I think punishing/pressuring causes more problems than solves. I can see how he might feel he wants to lie in order to not be punished for eating slow. This would just not be a battle I would fight. Are you concerned that he's not eating enough food? If so, I'd talk to his ped about it. Otherwise, maybe just let it go...don't ask him about what he ate at lunch, what he threw away etc

I think what he's doing, in terms of the clothes under the bed, is really normal. Maybe he's overwhelmed with having to clean his room, maybe he was looking for a short cut - who knows. Maybe give more specific instructions and talk to him about it (instead of just punishing) when you find out that he just put something under the bed or hid it in the closet etc At least with my kids, we encourage the truth, and we don't get mad when the truth is told, we talk about it. To me, in the long run, it's important that my kids feel comfortable talking to me and communicating as a family.

I totally agree with what Oregano said!!! I also do not make a big fuss over food issues. Heck we would be fighting all the time at my house if we did!!!

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~Happiness is a large family~

I agree with the above. My youngest son useda be the worst at the supper table! It was such a stressful time for the whole family! I hated it. After we stoped forcing the issue it wasnt so bad. He also eats very very slow or hid his food on his brother's plate! The world is a way happier place at our house now that we dont spend it screaming at him!(not really) but it sure seemed like it! (he's now 13)

I would set a time limit on dinner. When the timer goes off, dinner would be done and if a fair amount of food was not eaten, I wouldn't allow a snack. I do this with my kids. They wait until everyone is done and then start eating, it's a game. They have learned not to do it.

As for cloths under the bed, can you have a reward chart or something like that so that if he picks up his things, he will earn something he likes.

Your son sounds a lot like my oldest boy. It took me a long time to realise that getting on his case just doesn't work with him. He's more prone to do the things we want him to if we tell him how proud of him we are. I would explain to him that you can't tolerate lies and that there is no reason to lie. Be up front with him at this age he understands a lot.

I think it is just an age thing too. My son was doing this type thing earlier this year too. He's getting much better on it.

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The mighty oak started out as a nut that held its ground.

I think it IS common at this age on the lying. They are just realizing how to get out of things...and about cosequences...that sort of thing. They have to try it...and then get it nipped...to know it is wrong and not to keep doing it. Yes, they have been told before, and all that, but learning so much of the time is by doing...whether it be doing something right or doing something wrong.
I also agree with the others on the food. I know you probably have very valid reasons that we are not seeing here, but I do not think food should ever be used in a punishment situation. I would just set ground rules like the others posted on how long he gets to stay at the table..and after that, if he didn't eat, he doesn't get anything else until the next meal. Or, something we have done with our son last year when we went through him not eating supper was to put it on the stove for later...and after a few times of him thinking he might get something other than supper only to have us reheat his supper, he started eating with us again! We all have different eating habits, though...some eat when hungry, some eat when the clock says it is time, some eat all the time, some rarely....you get the point. You may never get him to eat like you think he should..so just be warned!!
Good luck.

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I agree with some of the other posts. My son has Aspergers and is a very slow eater. Aspergers children have no sense of time. They must be taught. Rather than tell him not to do something, like don't put your clothes under the bed, tell him what TO DO - that's a big one. So often we say no, when we need to say what to do instead. My son also has a sensory disorder and literally can't eat some foods and can't always eat too much without getting ill. There's no need to clean the plate. Whether he eats it all or not doesn't help the starving kids in China. . Also let him know that lying will always get him in worse trouble, and let him know how lying hurts your feelings (that's a big one) and hurts your trust in him, which is very important to both of you.

Don't just tell him to clean his room. Make a chart that shows exactly what to do, in steps, using pictures if possible.

These are suggestions I've gotten and they've helped. Kids need guidance more than punishment. Try to teach first. This is extra work for us, but it is worth it. Take what you want from our postings and leave what you don't. You're the mom and you know your son. Good luck!

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