Things here are rough. I'm not getting used to having DH around because he's physically here, but not really here...kwim? He's so "into" his school stuff and school friends that I fear I've become invisible. Last night he was scheduled to get done with school at 2:20. He's usually home by 3. And he didn't come in the door til 6 and acted like there was nothing wrong. I gave him the what-for about not, at the very least, sending me an e-mail to let me know that he was going to be late....in the middle of that, his friend Adam showed up and Tim asked if it was alright if he ate with us (since I was about ready to put supper on the table), no biggie as I always make enough for an army. Anywho, I found out later that he had invited Adam for dinner....again no e-mail to make sure I made enough or that we weren't gonna have leftovers or something. ARGH! Today he doesn't have class, but at noon he was meeting with 3 other guys to work on a project. Great, no problem again....except he left at 9:30.....he's got tech club meeting at 6, so won't be home til after 7 or 8. Then, I found out he plans on taking 19 credits next semester. (He's got 16 credits this semester) IS THE MAN CRAZY????? Apparently the boys and I don't matter too much. Here's his routine most nights....comes home from school and goes in his office til supper, eats, back to the office, I send the kids in there for hugs and kisses when they are ready for bed. Then he studies for another hour and goes to bed. I tried talking him out of taking so many classes, but to no avail...he told me that we don't do much in the winter and he won't be working on the house SO HE'LL HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO. WTF???? Nothing else? Hmm, how about play with your kids??? I'd like to get the boys involved in wrestling this winter, but apparently he doesn't plan to attend...and it was originally HIS idea. Argh!! I just wanna cry. And I need a haircut and can't leave to get one without taking 3 kids along.

It sounds like he is really throwing himself into school. Does he work also? 16 credits is a lot. Will they let him take 19??? This semester will be over soon, I know that doesn't help, but the two of you need to have a talk about what you'd like to see happen as a family while he is on break. It's wonderful he is in school to better himself, and the future for all of you. But I know how hard it is to be home and you DH is "there" but not "there". Is there any way he can be home, one afternoon or evening a week, to allow you to get out for your appointments and nsome me time?

To an extent, I certainly know how you feel. Just now, my dh came in from the garage, took a shower, fixed his plate and went to our room to watch TV and eat because the kids are watching a DVD in the living room and he doesn't like "kiddie shows"...whatever. He went to the movie theater with us to see it (Shark Tale). I told him the other day I feel like a single mother because I'm running around like a chicken with it's head cut off trying to keep everyone going, keep appointments, make sure kids are doing what they're supposed to in school, etc. I wish I had some big wise words of wisdom, but I certainly don't. But I can sympathize and you can cry on my shoulder any time!!

I have to say I am guilty of doing this a lot lately also....this time in the semester they throw so many projects at us that we have to do as a group---and the studying gets really intense.

My reason for focusing all of my time and attention on school is because I want to get done and make a better life for my family. Could that be why he wants to take so many classes--he just wants to complete his degree sooner?

No matter what you do, you have to have some kind of balance--even for me, I let some stuff slide for school because I have 5 children and a husband and a job that need my attention as well, another person that I keep forgetting about is me--I can't just "get by" like this forever.

Are you able to ask you husband about taking one less class next semester or if that isn't an option--maybe he could schedule a specific time that he spends with you and your children?

He is missing out on the kids' childhoods and will never get this time back. He is also putting the two of you on the backburner. Yes, you'll probably be there physically when all is said and done, but will you be emotionally? He needs to look at his priorities. Would a letter work? Otherwise, you need to sit and talk to him, not in a "you need to do this" way, but a "I feel like this and need help" way, or he'll get defensive. It sounds like he's fallen into a comfortable habit and needs to get out of it. He also needs to be more respectful toward you. Bringing someone home at the last minute is very wrong, without your true consent, especially when it wasn't even really the last minute. Good luck. It takes two to make a partnership.

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I don't have any advice, as I have a husband who travels all the time..but I have big shoulders...so come on over. We'll put the kids to bed and find the Halloween chocolate I have stashed!! LOL

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Shaking in my boots (well, if I was wearing them in the middle of summer!), but glad to be back!

Hey, pm me if you want to meet up sometime for coffee, maybe Menomonie or Elk Mound area? Let me know!! You can vent away!!!! michelle

Thanks everyone. We had a chat and while he is still going to take 18 credits, I feel better about it and he knows where I'm coming from. He's applying for a tech college teaching job this spring and he wants to take the classes that he'll need when/if he gets that job, so he's trying to squeeze everything in before he applys for that so he'll have a better chance at the job.