Ok, it's been a long time of verbal abuse of her weight, looks, personality, etc. but she went to attorney and filed for divorce last night and we moved her out 2 weeks ago. Well her dh calls her at work and she doesn't know it's him (no caller ID) and ends up having to talk to her. She left all the furniture, cameras, tvs, computers, appliances, etc, took minimal stuff. She told him she got a lawyer and to expect some paperwork and he said if it's true to expect to see him with a bullet in his head. WHAT ADVICE DO I GIVE HER??? She is freaking out, scared to serve him now and have this over her head. I am not sure how serious he is. He was the one that told her to leave and told her he didn't love her (and then the next day wants her back). A restraining order can only do so much, I guess there really is not much to do, but if anyone has any suggestions, I'd be grateful. Thank the good Lord they do not have any children!! TIA!!

Well the selfish nasty bugger!!!!!! I would tell her to tell him to get some counceling and proceed with the paperwork. It's just another tactic to make her do whatever he wants. Rotten!!!!!!!

__________________
The mighty oak started out as a nut that held its ground.

I think this may be another form of the verbal abuse. It is a way to control her. Abusers need to control and this is his way of controling the situation. I have a brother in law who does the same thing to my sister and she is scared to leave.

She is better letting go and moving on. It took a lot of courage to leave, it will take a lot more courage to follow this all the way through. Remind her of how strong she is. She will need a lot of support to get through this.

Amen. This sort of response is typical of a controlling relationship when it comes to an end.

Just continue to be a good friend to her, being a listening ear and shoulder to cry on. In a situation of abuse, counseling is *really* necessary for her and the kids if they're old enough to talk. A good friend is great to have there for the process, though.

One of my friends sil found out her dh had cheated on her. They have 2 small children. She told him he needed to leave while she figured things out. He went to his parents and the children were told Daddy went to his mom & dads to get better because he was sick. well he called one day and told her if she leaves him he'll shot himself. She didn't know what to do and she called the cops. They went and arrested him and talked to him so that he was 'watched'. He also had to go to counseling. I think this saved his life. He was frantic and desperate when she found out about the affair and I think he may have done something stupid on spur of the moment without thinking it throug.

Sounds like a major game player. Does he have access to a gun? She could threaten him by telling him that if he continues threaten suicide she could file papers with the local police depaertment to involuntary commit him for 72 hours to a mental health hospital since he is claiming he is a danger to himself. It takes guts but if she wants him to know she means business, she should consider it.

__________________

I’ve been SWAK’d!
aranch/archangel0001.jpg[/IMG]

good idea, he hunts so yes he has access to those guns! He obviously has issues stemming all the way back to childhood but I am just not sure if he has the guts to actually do it. I will tell her that, maybe if he gets her on the phone again she can say that to him. Thanks!!

where we live you can get yourself comitted for doing this! They have to have 2 people "committ" him. his wife and a person of her choice and then the cops come out to get him and the state takes over from there. major psych help needs to be done. but yess maam thats what we do here.

I would agree that this is probably just a tactic to try to control her. When my former DH and I went through marriage counseling (the 1st time) he told me several months into it that he was suicidal. I convinced him to tell our counselor who made him discuss his plan and sign a promise that he would not follow through with it. I was about 6 months pregnant at the time and had just found out about $10,000 in debt that he had been racking up.

I honestly don't know 100% if he really was suicidal at the time but looking back I really think that it was just a 'feel sorry for me' tactic and a way to put the emphasis of the relationship back on him and to encourage me to build up his self-esteem instead of focusing on the pregnancy (aka - me!) or on the lies and the debt. It was totally a CONTROL issue, not a life or death issue.

If she really wants out of the relationship, she needs to go ahead with the paperwork and not worry about him any more. Tell her to worry about HERSELF!

__________________
Better to give your kids the values you have
than the valuables you can't afford.

The above is definately the way to go. My girlfriend's husband threatened to kill himself if she wouldn't take her back and eventually he did. I don't mean to scare you but he was only 27 yrs old. They Baker acted him 2 times....he was diagnosed with being bipolar. He killed himself 2 weeks later. They had two children. It is a long complicated story....a nightmare for my girlfriend. I am just saying this to let you know that if he gets some counciling maybe you can stop something bad from happening.

__________________


Heather
Mom to three dd 14, ds 8, dd 4