I am a stepmom to our 6 yr. old daughter, my DH and I also have 2 other children. My DH and his ex have been divorced for 5 yrs, his ex(she is a teacher with her masters) is remarried to a nice and successful guy, yet she constantly fights for more child support, is always trying to get us to skip weekends. We get our DSD every other weekend in the summer and every 2 weeks for a weekend in the winter. We just want her to be a part of our family too, yet the ex is always trying to say that now that she is remarried Rylie needs to be with her 98% of the time, and we should just be there financially! So frustrating! I feel like it is a huge stress on our marriage, and our finances. I don't know what to do.

I am can sympathize. You just described my situation. I am step mom to a 7 year old DD and dh and I have 2 daughters. We are to have SD every other weekend, 2 weeks in summer and winter. BUT IT NEVER HAPPENS. Her mom conveniently put her on a competitive cheerleading squad that meets every weekend and competes every weekend from october -january. WE NEVER SEE HER. Her birthday is saturday so we were going to go watch the competition till we found out it's $15 a person. I'm not paying $60 plus the $10 to park to watch her 10 minute performance. Her mom has also remarried and has a baby due anyday. I'm sure it's just going to get worse when this baby is born because she'll want SD with her even more. It has definitely put a lot of stress on our marriage too.

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Crystal
Mom to Paige & Faith

I almost want to say there is nothing you can do. Is it court ordered that you get all that visitation? If it is, then you tell her nothing will be changed and don't ask you again! As for the money, you really need to show a big change in finances for an increase. My dh pays support and it was ordered in 1997 when she was on welfare and not married. Well now she is married, has a decent job with good benefits and has NOT asked for an increase since then. I think b/c she makes alot more (obviously) then when on welfare so it could possibly go down. There is a reminder here (NJ) that goes out every 3 yrs telling us and her that with inflation the formula could be recalculated but neither of us asks for it.

As far as the being part of your family too, it sounds like she is far away? You could send her emails often or cards in the mail with a cute gift, like a pencil or a candy, just something so she knows you guys are thinking of her (calling to make sure she gets them). When she is older you can explain all the difficulties. I hope that you are both strong enough to stick together through the hard times w/her, it definitely is a test of a marriage!! hth

That does sound stressful I've been a stepmom to the girls since they were 7 and 9. They're 13 and 15 now. I'm thankful that even though their mom drives me nuts sometimes, she hasn't pulled something like this yet. (I stress "yet") *hug* Hope she sees the error in her ways soon.

Thanks so much, honestly, just knowing other people are in similar situations makes me feel better I keep hoping that eventually she will get tired of constantly being mean, and start putting Rylie first and realizing that she needs to be part of both families.

I have a 5 yr old sd that will be 6 next week. We have full custody now for the past 2 1/2 yrs. Its hard-- her mom has supervised visits every 2 weeks for 3 hrs. Mostly my mil and fil do this at their house. This women is such a liar and tells my sd she has all this stuff for her at her house and its a lie. It seems like to my sd who also is a Riley she is God. She doesn't pay her child support and is in trouble all the time but has stolen the money to pay a lawyer and has sent the case to the supreme court to be appealled. I just stress every day she might get her back and she will have to live in that mess. She says she needs the support to buy her a car. She is ordered to pay 126.00 . If she got her back we would pay about 400.00-600.00.

I have a dss too. He is 16 now and we haven't seen him for a year and a half. All I can say is kids have a right to both of their parents not just money support. My dss mother took my dh for more support but always manages to mess up any visitation the dh gets with him. He lives in a different state. When he was younger she wanted us to have him all summer, saved her childcare. ok, Now she is divorced has another child and needs him to babysit all summer. This is hard to deal with. Keep letting your dsd know you all love her, give lots of pictures to her and call often, We do this for ours and he really enjoys it . Plus he calls late at night to just chat with my dh and we never refuse a phone call. We try not to fight with his mom so that he won't feel like it is his fault.