My stepson is so selfish and it's all about him. I tried doing things for him and including him in everything we do. Mind you, I've only been married to his dad since June. Nothing we include him in is good enough for him and when he visits he feels I'm suppose to do what he wants because he is visiting. He is 16 and lives very well and goes to many trips and cruises with his mother and her boyfriend. He's an only child and my dh sends them $800 a month and still every month he'll call and ask for more. Lately he's been calling my dh and telling him he can't visit because he has plans but that he does need money. It got to where even my dh's exwife called and said that since the son wasn't coming to visit him, it was costing her more money to keep him those weekends and wanted more money for it. Should I say something to my dh about how this is bothering me or just let it go on and hope it'll stop.

Well, I am not a stepmother so I don't have much insight, but I think it is always good to talk to your spouse. If something is bothering you, you should talk about it in a non-combative way. I would not accuse his son or ex-wife nor say anything bad about them, but do say you feel unappreciated and are unsure of your position in his life and how he treats you. Does your dh send him more money? You might need to talk about that from a budgeting perspective and approach it that way.

I am sure there are others here with more insight than I have on this subject, but that is what I would do.

I agree that you do have to talk to DH about it....In a non-accusatory way. Is there a written agreement between DH and ex regarding Child support? $800 is ALOT for 1 child. Does DH keep sending $$ ? He may be doing it b/c he feels guilty for not being there 27/7 for his son.
I have been in your situation (I am a Step mom). Do not bring the ex into it.... this isn't really about her for right now (unless she is out of control spending the money that is sent). But let it be about the issue at hand. If the $$ is an issue for HER to keep him, well then send him to DH! It really should be in writing that child support will be paid at X amount of dollars per month and visitation in writing as well. B/c SS is 16, he may not weant to visit Dad, but that doesn't mean child support goes up, that is his decision. KWIM?
I'd talk to your Dh about it....

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Does Money Matter?

I will definitly try to talk to him about it. I too think that $800 is alot for one child but unfortunatly that decision was made in court. That and every other weekend. And he gets to see him on thanksgiving and christmas as well. As much as I don't want to discuss the ex wife with him but everytime she calls its all about money and it aggravtaes my dh. My dh and I are trying to make a simple living here and yet she and my ss are living by keeping up with the Joneses. Just doesn't seem fair at all. As for my dh giving his son extra money..yes he does. His son has a way of working with him that my dh gives in. I can clearly see the games my ss plays with his dad but my dh just doesn't see them. I don't want to be the bad guy here but I feel my dh and I have a life that we need to get together too.

I am going to try to help here...I am not a step parent but my dh is a step father to my two oldest. First...it is not the stepsons fault...so don't be mad at him. He is being a normal 16 year old. I am only getting $600 a month for two children, so I too agree that $800 is high, but it is all based on income...the child's mother and father's income. And every state is different. In my situation, we agreed to lower the guidelines to avoid going to court and we now have to live with that decision. But it does get hard, especially when I am the one taking care of them all the time, and my ex gets away with only sending $600. If there are things that go above and beyond, like school field trips or special things that they need for school...I will absolutely ask my ex for more money. I figure he is getting a break as it is, and my husband picks up his slack. If you know what I mean. Money issues are tough. Talk to your dh, but just keep in mind that there is most likely a good reason for everything. Even the mother wanting more.

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Stacey

“The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man." ~ Euripides

I wanted to add that you can PM me if you want...I will be more than happy to talk to you about this...from the "mother's perspective".

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Stacey

“The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man." ~ Euripides

I would definitely talk to your dh. My dss is 15 and I've been around since he was 2 so we have a great relationship (sisterly actually). He really has been caught in the middle of so much through the years. What is he asking for money for? My dss has never asked for any money, and his mother only a handful of times since he's been 5 (a few more before that though). My dh pays $288/mo in support and she has not requested a review or increase in 10 yrs. I think that's due to her making alot more money (was on welfare then) and she doesn't want us to know how much. We did split the cost of a lawyer this summer too. Anyway, I'd talk to him and see what he is giving him more money for exactly. Does he have a job? My dss does. Are you giving his dad and him time alone when he comes over? Just this year I realized I needed to do that as we have 2 other children now and he was missing his dad alone. Even for just an afternoon. We only get every other weekend which now has turned into Sat. at 3pm until Sun at 8pm b/c he works 8-2 on Sat.'s. And now he joined the ski club so it may only be Sat. nights for the winter! HTH! Feel free to PM if you need to!

I understand where you ladies are coming from. If I could see the money was for something he really needed then it wouldn't bother me. His mother lives VERY well. They go on vacations every chance they get. And I mean nice vacations..this child has gone to Hawaii and Europe more times then the fingers we have in one hand. Their SMALL trips (which is what they call them) are cruises , disney , etc. My dh gives him an allowance on top of the child support. Believe me my ss knows that I'm there for him for advise or anything else that he needs and when it's his weekend he spends alot of time with his dad. I work out of the home so I'm not around. When he's here we eat what he wants, watch what he wants and go where he wants. I guess what bothers me the most is the way I see him treat my dh after all he gives him. My dh is a great father but I see my ss be so unappreciative. My dh will give him his last penny and shirt on his back so he can be happy. But yet my dh won't even get a card or call from him when he's away and it really bothers my dh. I would think I was crazy about all this but even my mil and bil have spoken to my ss about all this. I guess when I see my dh hurt..I hurt. KWIM

I know you love your dh, but this is thier relationship and if your dh thinks all is ok than you will have to stand back. He is 16 and is being raised by his parents. There will only be 2 more years left for child support unless he goes to collage. I have a 16 year old stepson too and it is hard to stay out but is for best. It is up to your dh to decide how he will be treated by his son. No matter how he gets everything it really is out of your hands. Just try to support your husband and hopefully this child will grow up ok.

I really can understand what you are going through. My situation is very similar to yours. My DH pays $880.00 a month child support(full time daycare is included in this) and his ex still asks for everything, clothes, shoes, winter coats, backpacks etc. She makes a great salary as does her husband. They go on very expensive vacations every summer and ski trips every winter. I love my DSD very much and we have been together since she was 3, but it's hard, I feel like it's always all about the money with them! It can be very stressful on our relationship. Definetly talk to your DH, maybe the two of you together can work out a plan as far as giving DSS any extra money, set a limit as to how much if any. HTH I think these situations are always hard!