So this year I really want the kids to take part in my family's Christmas traditions. Which are to stay home on Christmas, watch the parade, bake a homemade yummy lunch, while enjoying their presents from Santa/mommy/and daddy, and maybe see Christmas lights around the neighborhood if we decide to get out of our jammies.

My husband's tradition is to go to his dad's late on christmas eve (like LATE late) for gifts, brunch the next day there, and presents at his mom's on christmas. (Christmas eve is also at my mom's house.) And then there are usually more Christmas get togethers the day of Christmas with his step mom's side.

Since we will have two little ones...I think my tradition not only makes more sense...but also gives us our family time. (Which in my opinion is what Christmas is about). All that running around (not to mention baby stuff set up) just defeats the joy of Christmas. I don't want to hurt his family by asking them to change their traditions...and I don't want to change my family's tradition. Every time I mention this to my hubby...he gets all sad...but understands. I feel terrible....but at the same time I'm thinking about the kids. I think they should have a bit of a break on Christmas. (It's also the only guranteed day off my hubby has around Christmas too!) Is there anyway to settle this...without starting a problem?

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You didn't say how long you two had been together. Either way, it is time for the two of you to decide what "your" (his and yours) traditions will be.

I agree that when you have a family, you need to make your own family traditions.

But do try to make time with the extended family.

We have xmas with my daughter the Sunday before Xmas. Simply because they have so many other places to go xmas eve and xmas.

I agree with melsb. I had to do this when we first got married, and then again when we had kids. I wanted to keep the traditions I grew up with because that is what was familiar. He wanted to do things the way he was raised as well. We ended up changing things bit by bit and making our own traditions and I just love it. I have no doubt that you can come to a stress free compromise, but it'll take flexiblity and maybe giving up the notion of your traditions making more sense.

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A track parent never stops running

Proud mom of 15 yo twins
Wife of 20 years to the best dh in the midwest

I think ( for what it is worth LOL ) that you are now a family and you need to do the christmas thing together. Not saying that you cannot visit relatives, etc. But as the kiddos get older, they will be looking forward to their house and their tree and their presents.

Find some time to visit relatives, but Christmas ( again, my opinion ) needs to be slowed down a bit and enjoyed. And your dh's "plan" would plain wear me out and make me a grump! LOL

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married 8 years to a crazy Brit, mommy to a banana, she is 5 and a pineapple who is just about 2 , mommy to 4 ~angel~ babies

You could alternate. One year, do Christmas your way, and the next, do it his.

You could compromise - spend time with both sides of the family, but shorten your stay so that you have time for your nuclear family.

You could start your own traditions, made up from scratch.

Because my ex's kids' mother insisted on having them every year on Christmas Day, for the longest time, we were spending more time in the car than anywhere else. M'ija would get up, open her stocking and presents from Santa, then we would go to my parents' house and open presents, then get on the road for three hours EACH way to pick up his kids. By the time we got home, everyone was exhausted. So we decided to adjust the date. Santa brought M'ija's presents and filled her stocking on the night of December 23, and we exchanged gifts and had Christmas dinner with my family on the 24th. That gave M'ija a whole day to play with her new gifts, instead of only getting to briefly admire them before having to leave them behind and get in the car. The three of us had a leisurely breakfast on the morning of the 25th, then headed out to pick up his kids. We got together with his family to exchange gifts and have Christmas dinner on the 26th.
Less stress, no more spending all day in the car, and more time with both families.

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When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!
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Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with it, pee on it and walk away.
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I agree that you have to come up with what is right for your family. DH and I have had this problem the last few years, in that my MIL insisted that we have Christmas Day at her house and there was no other option. Last year, DH and I decided that we had to do what was right for OUR family and work everyone else in. In our opinion, Christmas is meant to be spent with the extended family but also to have quiet time at home as well. We spent Christmas Eve evening with my family (about an hour away) where we did gifts and a light dinner. Then we came home when everyone else was getting ready for church. We were gone from 5-10pm. Christmas morning was spent here at home. We did invite my MIL and FIL over as they insisted that they see Rebecca early Christmas morning, which I allowed but they had to come here. Christmas evening, we went to my SILs house for gifts and appetizers and then to my MIL's house for dinner. We were gone again from maybe 4pm to 9pm or so. It was so much more relaxed for us and allowed us to have all the components that we wanted. Christmas should be a time of relaxation and fun. Hopefully you and your DH can come to a compromise and decide what is right for your family! Good luck!

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I agree that you need to find what works for your family, but I think also you need to take into consideration the other families involved. JMO

Extended family is very important to both DH and I, so we've always been a little crazy around the holidays, fitting everything in, but to us - it's totally worth the trouble. Our parents and siblings are definately part of our 'traditions', and we wouldn't want it any other way.

Luckily, we have plenty of time with our own family, as well as with others. Dh usually has two full weeks off around Christmas.

We typically go to my MIL's on Christmas morning. My kids really didn't like it at first, but over the years, it's really worked out well. We're together, we open gifts, we have a lovely meal and then in the evening, we head home, have a nice evening at home with our own kids, open gifts, relax etc

To me, you can make 'Christmas' happen on other days. My sisters and I typically got together on Christmas Eve, but over the years, with other obligations, it just wasn't working out. So we now get together for our "Christmas Eve" celebration on the 27th or 28th. That way, we can all attend, nobody is rushed etc It's not the day that is important, but the being together. So it works for us.

It is hard to find a balance.
My family is far away so we did have his moms and his fathers (divorced for years)

We would do his mom chirstmas eve and his dad would come to our house for Christmas day/evening dinner.

Now that his dad has passed we will still go to his mothers Christmas eve and stay home christmas day. ( his siblings from his dads side will come to our house still)

I don't feel it is fair for us to take dd away from her toys when SHE is the ONLY Child in the family right now. the only grandchild... I have a BIL that is 13 but he gets his gift like a week or two before usually.

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I agree with Oregano. I know that every family is different, but to me & my DH family was/is always VERY important. We always did Christmas eve with his family, opened gifts Christmas morning at our own house, and then rushed like a bat out of heLL to get to my parents (2 1/2 hour away) by early afternoon on Christmas. I wouldn't have had it any other way either.

To me sitting around my house instead of being with my family wasn't even a consideration. All four of our parents are dead now, and I must admit I find Christmas somewhat boring just sitting around our house. I'd much rather be going to their houses. My kids ALSO have VERY fond memories of Christmas at both houses. So to us, it wasn't viewed as an inconvenience, it was viewed as the most special part of Christmas---celebrating it with our families.

I would have never wanted to ask my DH to give up time with his family just so I could have things my way. I would have just watched the parade at the grandparents, enjoyed the big lunch at their house, and viewed lights on my way home. I would have found a way to make it work without my DH sacrificing his desires.

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