a teenager i know in my family is pregnant with her second child. when she told me i said congratulations. but later on, i started to wonder if that was the right thing for my to say. i don't think i should encourage that, but any time i hear someone's pregnant, i automatically congratulate them. she nor the father have jobs, and their current child is cared for by government assistance and other family members.

dh said he would've asked how she could pay for the child. i guess i'm kind of afraid that his (it's a person on his side) family will hate me, and in general they're nice people.

so what should i have done? unfortunately, i'm sure this situation will come up again.

thanks for listening.

Awkward. I would not say what your husband mentioned, because I'm sure they are already wondering how they are going to support another kid. I think I would have jumped into question mode "Really? When are you due? How are you feeling?" and then, if I had a good relationship w/ this person, I might take then aside and say something along the lines of "I realize this pregnancy might be difficult for you, at your age, and with no income. If you need to talk, or if I can help, please let me know."

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I think you probably said the right thing. If ya dont have anything nice to say then dont say anything at all. Fact is.. you cant control her.. and anything you say to make her feel bad isnt going to do anyone any good.

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~~Ember~~
Mommy to Bailey 10/02, Brooke 9/04, & DJ 6/06

I think you were fine in what you said. Unless she has some serious issues you are not encouraging her to have unprotected sex (if that's what happened...not everything is 100% effective) while she is unable to support her child she already has by saying Congratulations. kwim.

I agree, an awkward situation for sure. I'm not sure what I would have said either, but I think its best to just stay out of it. Just wish her well and be on your way.

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~Missy~Mommy
Meghan9.Samantha7,Cameron5

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I agree with Mari.

Asking her how she plans to support it isn't going to accomplish anything positive. You don't have to like or approve of her situation, but at the same time, keeping open the opportunity for communication could be really helpful to her and both of the kids in the long run.

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When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!
Any time God closes one door, She always opens another, even though sometimes it's Hell in the hallway.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with it, pee on it and walk away.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, prepare to die. (Klingon proverb)
Don't point. You'll poke holes in the air and all the faeries will escape.

I think I would have just said "congratulations" too, so don't think you said anything wrong!

Now, what you really should do is buy a huge box of condoms, wrap them up and give it to the couple from Santa for Christmas! Is that mean?

Saying anything else would have been super rude and cruel IMO. There are MANY folks out there that have babies KNOWING that can't really afford them (LOL who can these days LOL!) but you probably wouldn't say anything other than a nice polite congrats upon hearing the news. You did fine mama! Stupid teens are people too (been there done that got the t-shirt)...hopefully she has a great support system (2 kids as a teen is gonna be HARD and I'm not just referring to $$).

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Santa gets all the credit but I swipe the card...

Rosie
Single mom of 2 boys~ DS#1 (17) & DS#2 (6)
Burn the good candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion...Today IS special.

I think you did just fine. I think a lecture would have been much worse. I think the next time it happens () I'd just smile and say, "Oh, are you feeling OK?" That means you care and doesn't put any spin on whether you think she is in the right or wrong. Really, when it boils down to it, the deed is done, a chastising would only make you look bad.

Now if she was apparently distraught, then would be the time to take her aside and offer to educate her!!

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There's been a grave misunderstanding

I think you took the "High Road" and said the right thing.

I was a teenage mother myself. And I am sure that how she is going to raise, support and cope with another baby is running thru her head, over and over again.

Right now she needs emotional support, not someone tearing what little confidence she has down.

And honestly, how she supports her kids is no body's business except the person (s), that are actually helping her support and raise her kids.