Not sure how much more I can take - Page 2

Bucsnpats · 01-03-2007, 07:35 AM

I am late jumping in here. But I do know how you feel.

he is going through a lot of changes with the custody battle and getting used to having a new one around. Which doesn't give him an excuse to go out. But that seems to be how he is handling the stress. Try to be there for him instead of him going out, let him know that he can count on you for support.

I am one that doesn't like secrets, so I would calmly tell him about your friend, but I would do that as a seperate conversation. Don't put it all together otherwise he will relate that to the other issues.

As far as the sex thing, I remember in my first marriage I was the exact same way.
Now I am going to suggest something here, this is from a book that I read, so don't think I am nuts. There are five love languages, well more, but five main ones. The is one particular one that makes us feel the most loved. There is quality time, physical touch, receiving gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation. Now it sounds to me like you are quality time...he is not giving you quality time so you are not feeling loved. Your love tank is empty. Be careful that you are not get "filled up" by your friend. Most guys are physical touch, but you never know. My dh is words of affirmation. He loves positive reinforcement...you look great today, you did a good job with the baby...etc. i think you guys are going through a lot. He does need to understand that you have needs too just like he does. I hope this helps. Feel free to PM me if you would like to talk.

P.s. I also agree with the others that it is a RESPECT thing.

mommy&wifeisme · 01-03-2007, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carleighsmommy

It seems like his main complaint right now is that I don't 'try' anymore- meaning certain things are lacking, if you know what I mean. And to be honest, I don't- I haven't had any desire to since Carleigh came and I have no clue why. Its not because of him because he wasn't like this until recently. I can't help but feel like my job now is to be her mommy more than it is to be a wife but its not that I don't want to be a wife... is that normal for that feeling to last this long?

OMG!!! As soon as I got to this I gasped, had to stop reading any other posts and chime in. I want to come over there and smack him!! Sorry but he is totally turning things on you to take the heat off of him and that is sooooooo wrong. What is the matter with him. If it was about yout intimacy he would be spending all his time away buying you flowers and such. I would be going completely crazy with all that time alone while he is living the bachelors life!!! But you are in a vulnerable postion so IMO it is definately not a good time to have a male friend. And I for sure wouldn't be stuck at home without a car, what if there was an emergency.

Bucsnpats · 01-03-2007, 02:20 PM

I re-read my post and I wanted to make sure that you knew I was NOT defending your dh by any means. It just sounds to me like there is so much hope for you guys and you can really make this work. the book I mentioned "Five Love Languages" was a great read and it taught me so much about myself and what I want and need out of a relationship.

desertmom · 01-05-2007, 04:45 AM

It's hard to "try anymore" when you're exhausted and, yes, resentful. It's his job to seduce you into wanting to try. I don't mean seduce in the way he does. Our foreplay starts outside the bedroom - be with the kids, help with the house, be pleasant and not explosive, and seem to care about our exhausted feelings. Make us feel valuable.

Remember dating? No way did you want to "put out" if you didn't feel appreciated and that he was a gentleman worth keeping! He had to be nice and not pressure you! Otherwise he got dropped, right?

My2Girls · **You Not Alone!**

I feel for you. I am in similiar situation, sometimes I think it is caveman mentality. They make money, also mine has an outrageous sense of Entitlement, have no idea where it came from. (mommy)

Someone else posted about lack of respect in marriage-Boy Do I AGREE!!! Why I wonder?

Ever need to chat or vent ---christyknop@mokancomm.net,