Staying for the sake of the children - Page 2

Bucsnpats · 01-08-2007, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KelseyNThomas Mom

I would say whole heartedly, right now I'm staying for the kids and financially I can't do it. (debt and cc). We're just room mates, we don't even sleep in the same bed and it's only been 5 years of marriage. This has been going on for almost 3 years. It goes is waves, but its worse more then it's better. I know it will happen, just when I'm ready. We don't talk, theres no effort on his part for me, no extra help around the house. Nothing, so I've been doing what I need to do. I have my own bank account and actually have money in there and have 500 cash in my drawer. One CC paid off and 2 more to go, after that I'm removing his name from the accounts. It's like we're living divorced, I'm working from home and on the weekends too. I just feel like a failure, but I can honestly say that I've tried and he puts no effort to it.

Also, I don't want to have to put my kids in daycare and I know he'll get NASTY, and I mean NASTY, so I've even backed off from things I tell him. Money, if my parents give me money, I don't tell him, it goes in my stash. I need to take care of myself for once and set a good example for my kids!!!!!Hugs Hugs

Oh I feel for you. I really do. I have been through this. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!! Don't think that for one second that you are. I know it is easier said than done. Sending lots of hugs your way!!!

Finalscore2g3b · 01-08-2007, 08:38 PM

I went through a divorce about 5 years ago. We had 2 kids together 7 and 10 at the time. We also each had a daughter from previous marriages that were 14. We lived as though we were divorced also. It was horrible for me. I wanted out of the marriage about a year after we got married. Then we proceeded to have 2 kids so I stayed in it for them. I, like you, wasnt going to put them in daycare and didnt think I could support myself financially. Finally when the kids were the ages I mentioned, I filed for divorce. I had started working part time at my sons school when he started Kinder. so I had a small income. When I filed, I was able to transfer to a full time position and work when my kids were in school.
Getting divorced isnt easy either. Your just trading a set of problems for a new set of problems. There is fighting, living without your kids while they are with dad, separating money issues, having no say in what goes on with the kids at dads house, having to send kids with the clothes that you buy and not seeing them again, having to be the disciplinarian while dads the playmate, kids have to deal with the new people that come in and out of the parents lives, If you dont like dads new girlfriend~too bad. Just keep these things in mind. HTH