I caught a glimps of Montel Williams yesterday while at work. I was kinda taken back that he was doing a show about how parents who have there kids in too many activities are really hurting them. He also seemed to bring a point out that I am not too sure of. He said that kids should be able to be bored at home, it is good for them because it teaches them to be more creative.They have time to sit and think and use their mind to focus on their true self. He also said that having your kids in too many activities is bad for your family life..it takes away from quality time at home being together.

I don't know. I have to say I can see his point but I don't think it is true. I have my older two kids in a lot of sports. Everyday of the week there is either practices or games or cub scouts or something. On the weekend it is usually the same thing. My son is doing soccer and baseball.....but it is just seasonal. My older daughter is doing basketball and is on two softball teams....one is seasonal and the other in a fast pitch travel team....this is all year.Then we do cub scouts too.


I feel I am doing a lot for my kids...plus my kids love what they are doing. My daughter keeps her grades up and she does well in school. My son is just in Kindergarten but he knows he has to keep up with his home work. Anyway, I believe keeping my kids in sports and activities is good for their health too. It is great exercise. I think also if I keep them in activities through high school it will keep them out of trouble. I also think that it teaches them a lot about being part of a team....making a commitment and keeping to it. They also see if you work hard and practice at something you want to be better at it will pay off when you do well at something...which gives a child confidence.

Montel was also saying that if you keep doing and doing for you children...which we do....we are always at their games....my dad coaches...my husband coaches....my mom and I are at at all the games.....that eventually your kids will want more and more from you and that when they don't get everything they want...since they are so used to being spoiled and focused on it is hard for them to be let down and they don't handle being told "no" easily.

I admit my kids are a little spoiled but I do set rules and they know there are consequences
if they break the rules. At home we are very much a family.

Does anyone think that I am harming my kids by having them in too many activities?

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Heather
Mom to three dd 14, ds 8, dd 5

If it weren't a money issue, I would have my daughter involved in activites. She is very bored at home and I might else well give the toys away. She goes to preschool 2 days a week but that is it.

I'm sure you are a good judge of how much is too much, definitely not hurting them.

Notice: Montel Williams is NOT a SAHM. Let him entertain them all day.

I think it all depends on the children and how your family feels!! every family has what works for them!! some it works to be in a lot of activities!!(I know my nephews thrive better on being busy!! my kids are fairly busy! but does need downtime!! So I say if your kids are happy and the whole family ia happy then its right for you!!

I agree with Montel. I place family time above all else. I let my kids play soccer in the summer, but that's it. And to be honest, I'm pretty resentful of that time being taken away too. My boys play really well together. There school day is so long now, I can't even imagine having them gone after school too. Right now they get off the bus at 4pm, have a tiny bit of downtime, homework time, dinner, bath, a half hour of family time and bed.

Time is flying by so quickly. My goodness they it seemed that we just got them home from the hospital and all of a sudden it was time for them to be away from us for most of the day. Our family time is precious. We love building elaborate geo trax, and popping popcorn and watching movies, reading books and having relaxed family dinners. We wouldn't be able to do these things if we were trotting all over the place. This is the only time in their whole life that they can truly just be kids with nothing on the schedule. They can go outside and roll in the grass or make snowmen, ride their bikes or just hang upside down on their swingset. I think it is so important for them to use their imaginations. They are told what to do for all those hours in school, I think they need a break from it all. I wouldn't want to be running every minute of my life. I hope when they look back years from now, they think of our fun times right here at home.

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The mighty oak started out as a nut that held its ground.

I think each family just needs to find the best balance that works for them. Activities are important and so is family time. It is hard to find that balance sometimes, but that is what I think is important. Not being to "heavy" one way or another.

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Stacey

“Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why. ~ Eddie Cantor

Personally, my kids are in lots!!! I let them participate in pretty much whatever they want to. I like them being active. It beats sitting in front of the tv or playing video games all the tiime!!! I also get to know lots of other parents this way. They also learn responsibility. They are responsible for keeping up on their school work, they are responsible for following through on their commitments, etc. They also learn time management.

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~Happiness is a large family~

That's interesting...I just read a study (scientific study, not a "montel opinion" study ) last wk where they refuted that fact. They looked at kids who were busy, and the kids with lots of activities were emotionally happier, got into less trouble, and made better grades. I'm sure there's some happy medium.

I personally LIKE my kids to be busy. I think any time they're doing sports, or music, or spending socially with friends or family is better use of their time than playing computer games, watching TV, etc. I know my dd (that I've bragged about until you probably want to puke ) is an honors student who plays cello in two orchestras, does cross country, participates in several of those "service" clubs like Key Club, and still participates in scouts, although her troop only does 3-4 things a year now. Because she's busy with those type of things, she's not out trolling for drugs, alcohol, tobacco, or sex. She seems happy and does well, so I don't think it's hurting her. Actually when she was little she did even MORE, but she didn't have as much homework so she can't really do any more now. My ds does band, football and is very active in scouts, but I wish he did even more, because since he doesn't spend much time on homework (to my disappointment) he ends up spending lots of time on the computer, etc.

I'm sure every family has to decide what works for them, and it depends a lot on the ages of the children, but I think being busy (not TOO busy, but busy) is good. JMO

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There is definately a balance. Participating in sports and scouts is what your family does. I have a feeling if it wasn't for an organized team sport or a group affiliation, your family would be out playing ball or camping anyway. It will be interesting when the 3-yr old gets older and you have to add his schedule to the mix. You may end up making some choices about which sports and which events to attend - for all the children. I suspect you have already been making those choices by just juggling the older two children. And it doesn't sound so much like your children are busy but YOU, the parents, are in getting the kids to all their events and making sure you are there to support them. Besides, I don't think attending a game is the same as 'doing everything for your children'.

On the flipside I know people - and I'm sure you do too - who really do cater to their children all the time. For instance, I might take my child to the park and she'll happily run off to play, make new friends, and entertain herself if she can't find anyone to play with. However, I know moms who take their kids to the park and end up acting like their social director the whole time - helping them down the slide, catching them at the bottom, talking to the child the whole time, trying to engage them in play with other kids, constantly correcting them, on and on. Leave the kid alone for goodness sakes! Let the kid develop a personality aside from your expectations of him/her. The umbilical cord was cut at birth for a reason!

My attitude about outside activities is as long as my kid is enjoying it, I am more than willing to be the chauffer. If I can fund her interests, I rather put my money there than anywhere else. I willingly trade a lunch out at a nice restaurant for a new gymnastics leotard if that is what it takes. I make sure she knows about opportunities that are out there. I absolutely love her willingness to try something new - whether that is piano lessons or a new food. She amazes me.

And I'm not living THROUGH my child either. I'm not a stage mother. I definately have my own interests. While I don't get a lot of time to pursue MY interests, I do this parenting job willingly. I had lots of time for myself before DD arrived and I will again after she is older.

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"Poor people work for their money. Rich people make their money work for them."

After writing my post about this I did start thinking about our family life and if I am taking away from it by having my kids in all these activities. My conclusion is no.
I work part-time two days a week and I am home Tues.-Sat. While the kids are in school during the day I basicly devote most of my time to my 3 year old...we do activities..coloring, puzzles..etc. We go to the park we take bike rides. We spend some days running...going out to lunch....we stay pretty busy and we are always together. When Aug. comes around she could do pre-school but I am only looking at a 1/2 day program possibly....so I will still have her home with me a lot. Maybe a ballet class...she loves to dance.
I did all these things with all three of my kids when they were home with me when they were younger.
When my kids are home...they are very much able to just be kids...go outside, jump on the trampoline, ride their go-carts, fish, just run around and be crazy or watch TV if they like...we watch movies together often too. We do family vacations...we camp...we go to the theme parks...my parents usually attend a lot of the time. My parents live next door...we have 17 acres among us but they see the kids everyday. We are a very close family and my kids will all be well rounded adult and will cherish their up bringing and their childhood and have many great memories when they look back on their childhood.

I guess when I look at the big picture....for us...I think we can balance both activities and family time.

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Heather
Mom to three dd 14, ds 8, dd 5

I agree with Montel. Activities are GREAT for teaching and fun and responsibility, but there is a balance. If you are driving to and from all week and not getting to spend quiet time at home as a family what is that? Just crazy! Right now we do each kid one activity at a time, when they are older they can do two. We also go to "free" things alot, but have one scheduled "paid for" thing a week. The kids get out, but we still have dinner as a family every night and spend alot of time together going to amusements/events together. I was in alot of clubs/activities growing up and I definetly spent more time gone than at home. You just have to find a good balance for your family, kids do need some down time.

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I am only one, but I am one. I can not do everything, but I can do something. I must not fail to do the something that I can do. -Edward Hale