My ex and I are on an every other weekend schedule. He is getting remarried and the wedding just happens to fall on his weekend (not that I would keep the kids away from that). Which means that "my" weekend, is the weekend before the wedding, which also happens to be the weekend that starts spring break for us. Are you with me?? He calls me yesterday to tell me that the bridal shower and the bacholer party are scheduled for the Sat of "my weekend". And the kids are invited to both.

Here is the conflict (other than it being on "my weekend") my dh and I were planning on being out of town that weekend...we were taking the kids to visit some friends for the weekend to start off spring break, and because my ex is already going to have them for the entire week off spring break because of the wedding.

Do we go out of town anyway?? or stay and let them be involved with the parties??

I think I know what I am going to do....but wanted to see if you thought the same thing....so let's hear your opinion.

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Stacey

“The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man." ~ Euripides

I would ask my kids what they want to do. They are older, and IMO able to be in on the decision. In this instance I don't think that I would make the visitation schedule set in stone. In theory, this isn't something that is gonna happen often, and they may just want to be at their Dad's. On the otherhand, if they choose to go out of town with you, I would hope that their Dad would understand...they are gonna be there for the most important part (the wedding).

However - I am not divorced, so I have not had to deal with this type of situation. I am just going off of my experience growing up. There are things I was not allowed to go to when I was little (due to it being the "wrong weekend" or "wrong time of year") that I now wish I had been given the opportunity to do. Both of my parents were very "set in stone" about those kinds of things.

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I agree with asking the kids. So, let me just add that they are torn, because they want to do both.

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Stacey

“The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man." ~ Euripides

Make sure your son especially knows what is involved in a bridal shower. I don't know of any boy who would want to be forced to go to a bridal shower. I'm guessing that he will probably be going to a bachelor party for his dad? I don't think that is appropriate for a 14 year old boy unless you know ALL the details to make a more informed decision. If the friends you are going to visit are friends of your kids, they probably just don't want to hurt their dad's feelings because like mine, they feel guilty for not choosing him. They could be relieved if you make the decision for them, that way they wouldn't feel like they were letting one of you down and it would take the pressure off of them to please.

Being that the kids have no STRONG feelings as to which to pick...I would probably suggest to them they got out of town with the family since they will be involved in so much of the other wedding festivities the following week.

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Wow, this IS a tough one. On one hand, I would say the wedding is a special event, and the kids should be involved, but Spring Break is major, although it does happen every year. I also agree w/letting the kids take the lead.

But.....Kids at a bridal shower and bachelor party? That doesn't sit right. I must be out of the loop, because I don't remember that being the norm or even recommended, if you know what I mean. You know, with all the debauchery that goes on at bridal showers...

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Make someone's heart smile today.

I am assuming that my dd being at the bridal shower and my ds being at the bachelor party is okay, in the sense that I am pretty sure they will keep it "tame" until they leave and then do the "traditional" stuff afterwards. Know what I mean??

I was leaning towards staying home and letting them go.....it IS a "one time only" thing.

It just irks me that my ex and I had discussed the schedule and it wasn't going to be a problem with them being with me for that weekend, since he was getting the entire spring break (normally that would be split 50/50), and now this. I just feel like I am always giving in and being the nice one, and never get anything in return. Know what I mean??

The kids do NOT know that I feel this way. And I know that we can see our friends anytime. I just hate that my plans are getting changed now, when we had discussed this already.

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Stacey

“The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man." ~ Euripides

I wouldn't change my plans to go visit friends regardless of whether or not your kids are going with you and I would let your kids know that. It might be easier to make a decision if they know they aren't going to ruin your plans if they choose the parties. I would also make sure they know what happens at these parties because I just don't see them having a very good time at them. Their dad is going to be so involved with so many other people there, that they will probably be bored and feel left out. He's not going to be able to give them the attention they are thinking they are going to get. I know what you mean about always being expected to give in and change your plans just to keep the peace with your ex. Just remember this, this past Christmas I gave in and let my ex take my kids to Virginia to go to Snowshoe to ski with their aunt, my ex's sister, and her daughter. He took three days of my Christmas break with them because he told them all about the trip before asking me if they could even go. Now, last night my 11 year old son tells me that his dad said he would buy him a board to ski on NEXT YEAR when they all go back to Snowshoe! My son said his dad said they were going to to every year. I will not be giving in this time. He can either use his own time to go, or they just can't go.

BREAK OUT THOSE GOLD BALLS AND TURN THEM INTO PLATINUM, GIRL!!

I have this issue with my ex quite frequently. GO! I never discuss these things with my DS, and he is 13. In the end, it's up to the parents, I figure. If I didn't have plans, I would have no problem. But otherwise...he has his weekends.

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Illini Bob's wife....mom to 3 little chiefs

Ok, I am on the "other" side of this one as my dh has the every other weekend visitation.
We were able to plan our wedding on our weekend and hers on her weekend. My stepson was 10 when we got married. We did not go to the bachelor party which was a golf outing. I always felt like we were asking her to change things around alot as we've been doing this for 10 yrs. now. but she's had the freedom of the other 26 days a month to see him and do things with him. Sometimes you can't "plan" events on your own weekend. It's sooooo nice now that he is 15 b/c for example we are going snowtubing on a weekend he is not over and we invited him and now he's old enough to make the decision to go or not, but we always invite him to everything and it's his choice. I hope this helps a little!