How many of us fit this catagory of parenting alone? - Page 3

lamby248 · 08-12-2006, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mousemaker55

In the mean time I would just love to have someone else in the house to once in a while be the one to say "no", or to feed the pets or decide what to make for dinner, again, or wha to put into her preschool lunch box. Some days are just exhausting. I yearn for someone to just talk to that isnt into Dora or Nemo or teasing the cat.

This is definitely how I feel sometimes...alot. Just having someone around to talk to would be nice...

lamby248 · 08-12-2006, 06:23 PM

I also want to say that being single and alone with no husband is soooo totally different than having a dh that works long hours. I always thought of myself as a married single mom because my ex was not home much and didn't work much either, so he didn't contribute much financially (still doesn't actually). BUUUUT... when i went to bed at night, I could figure on him being there at the house sometime through the night...it was just more comforting knowing someone else wwould be there besides me and the kids. It was an adjustment for me when we split up to get used to the fact that no one was going to be there in the house even during the night hours or the next day. I couldn't figure on him being there ever anymore. Or if/when something broke...he could at least fudge it enough that we didn't have to get a professional (sometimes that would've been better).. I guess what I am saying is that there was that other person there that, you had to say something too, or if something needed fixed or done, was there at least sometimes. It's totally different when you can expect someone to be there and when someone is not there at all. Totally different now...now there is no one here to help out, talk to, try to fix things, help pick things up. It's quite different.

I am very happy with myself, being single, having to work, my accomplishments, my kids and how I am raising them...but it would be soo nice to have another person here for me too.

gda22 · 08-14-2006, 05:45 AM

I've been a single mum for many years. Even when we were together due to his work hours I was really alone.

I was the one who ended the relationship..... things were not going to change, so I had to make that decision. Even though I knew it was the right decision, I was still devastated as we had been together for 16 years. I was having councelling before the breakup.

Over all these years my son has never stayed over with his dad (due to night work etc) his choice not mine. So, time out has never been my option. We've coped... had our ups & downs....

Even after our breakup he still tried to be controlling...(must be the Italian blood)...but we worked through that stage. He has been a good provider over the years....all I have to do is ask....so I'm luckier than a lot of other women.

He rings his son every day, unless he's in hospital, which is more often than not due to his lifestyle choices. There are times when he speaks to me on the phone & he still calls me 'Darling'.... habits are hard to break. He has been living with someone for many years...that's another story!!

Last Valentine's Day he asked me why I hadn't reminded him.... he used to give me flowers... He always gives my son money to buy me birthday, xmas etc presents.

Most important is to keep the lines of communication open (his other half reckons I shouldn't have anything to do with him - she's Russian - they must parent differently over there!)

So for all you ladies just starting this journey....Be Strong... Life does get easier... Look for support & take up the offers of others who are willing to give you a hand along the way..... I know I made the right decision...

Nurture & Take Care Of Yourself......Because You're Worth It......

Most Of All.... Enjoy The Magical Moments With Your Children....They Grow Up Much Too Fast.....

NORAH'SMOM · 08-16-2006, 01:47 PM

Great idea! There are many single moms out there no matter if it is single by choice, chance or circumstance - we could alluse a little help or at least a shoulder to lean on!

gda22 · 08-16-2006, 04:08 PM

Yes...We all need help at some time... especially when we are the sole carer of our children.

Ask around there are usually sole parent groups who offer services which include counselling.

We don't have to put on a brave face & try to be supermum....this is when it can all catch up on you & it affects your health.... then who will look after the children & you?

Nurture & Take Care Of Yourself......Because You're Worth It......

Most Of All.... Enjoy The Magical Moments With Your Children....They Grow Up Much Too Fast.....

Gaida

granmaof3 · 08-27-2006, 05:44 PM

Hi, I've been a single parent forthe last 8 years.My dd was 13 & my ds was 11 when my dh was killed in a car accident. I was not at all prepared for this, it was suddenly thrust upon me. All of our relatives lived at least 1 hour away so I was truly in it alone.There were times when I had to call out sick from work & my kids had to make some sacrifices too. I couldn't always do everything with them, we had to pick & choose what we could do. Work was understanding for the most part, school was pretty understanding as well. I really missed the teamwork of raising children together.Having someone else to back you up when disciplining. Having a shoulder to cry on when you've had a rough day. Just having someone on your level to talk to, share things with on a daily basis. And being financially responsible for everything is really scary. My dd got preg. before she was out of school so I really helped raise my 2 grandsons. She is now 21 & has moved in with a wonderful young man who loves my grandsons & they have a daughter together as well. I still have my ds at home with me. He is now 19 yrs. old. Everything I learned I learned the hard way so if I can offer advice to save somone else having to go through it I will. Sharon

gda22 · 08-27-2006, 11:04 PM

Hi Sharon,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. It must have been a devastating time for you & your young family... especially with your husbands death & the circumstances. It would have been hard for your kids being at the ages they were....in particular your dd entering the teenage years.

I know what you mean about it being scary being financially responsible. Makes me feel quite sick at times. I take my hat off to you helping your daughter raise her two sons..... great to hear she's now with a nice young man.

As you said we've done it the hard way... and hopefully we can pass help on to others so they can benefit.

You should be proud of having raised your young ones & your dd young ones as well.

Gaida

matameashmad · 08-27-2006, 11:13 PM

I am one but I am with Matthew but he is in the cities all week and comes home ALMOST every weekend. It is so hard for me I do have a hard time with it all.

Indianasmom · 08-28-2006, 10:09 AM

I never really thought about "married feeling single" before. I guess we do still have a lot in common.

I am a widowed single mom with a four year old. I am a sahm due to the fact that I was able to get my dear dh's retirement so most of the time, money is not my biggest issue when it comes to being single. I am totally blessed because I got to keep his family too! LOL Fil in particular is the biggest help when I need ANYTHING! He helps with the yard/house and the child care stuff too. My mom can be a pain when it comes to some things but she will help out in a pinch or when I am sick.

I am concerned because I want to start school when my dd starts kindergarten. I am hoping that I can afford to arrange for daycare if necessary in an already snug budget.

granmaof3 · 08-31-2006, 02:32 AM

Thankyou, Gaida. I really respect how you & your ex have been able to keep the lines of communication open for your son's sake. He is a lucky boy. You didn't mention how old he is. It's definitely true what you said about them growing up too fast. Sharon