Im having a huge problem with this and wonder how any other member handles this.

I have the finance figured out (not enough of it but I manage )

Time (not enough of I but I do without sleep!)

Being a single parent Domestic Goddess (well I do my best )

but I cant find a way and Ive tried all I can think of to have a positive co parenting role with the boys father.

How does anyone manage who can pull this off please please share how you do it.

Ive tried making appointments to discuss the boys needs

Sending emails re the same

Not speaking badly to him in front of the boys, or venting to them re his behaviour

and a whole host of other things that Im sure "Divorced Parenting for Dummies" would have if the book had been written.

Im now at an all time low on this one, I have had to get a restraining order on James and I know thats not good all round

please girls if you have managed to find a way round this short of getting a door mat saying "walk all over me" Id appreciate your ideas

I dont want to turn this post into a witchfest Im actually looking for solutions/ideas here

thanks

Anne

Anne...honestly I think your case is one of those ones where you just can't win! In order to co-parent (what my dh & I did for the first year of Ryan's life) has to happen because both parties want it to happen! There also has to be a huge amount of respect of the other person as both a human being and a parent.

Unfortunately for you it seems that James has no respect for anything but his own opinion and also feels that he is the most important thing to him...not those two amazing boys that you have raised alone. He has no idea how lucky the boys and him have it. Because the only reason those boys are as "normal" as they are is because of you! James may try to take credit for your parenting jpb but nobody is gonna believe him but himself.

__________________
~Amy


Live like there's no tomorrow
Love like you've never been hurt and
Dance like no one's watching

thanks Amy I was hoping someone might have tried something I hadnt, or thought of something I hadnt, that might trigger a lightbulb in my head for the boys.

You and DH seemed to have found a way and I am/was hoping some fairy dust would come my way on this

Big hugs for replying

Anne

Sorry Anne I have no advice...obviously! LOL. I am in the same boat so if you find something that knocks some sense into your ex that its all about the kids so you guys can start co parenting the way it should be done let me know please!

But I honestly believe that until they realize its all about the kids not them or us it wont change!

__________________

Mother to Jason Fernand and Elizabeth Mae

'Dare To Be Different'

I'm actually in the same boat as you, Ann. I don't know how to deal with my ex as far as parenting goes. Him not being around was a reason for the split to begin with. I just take it day by day. You can't change him, he will always be that way....

Frustrating, I know....

Oh Lord its good to know Im in good company but I wish I had the magic solution to this.

Tadhg hasnt gone to stay with his father for over four months, Conor is making duty visits, James is sueing me for custody of Conor, I have a barring order extened by the Judge (when James tried to tell her how she was going wrong) till 20th September.

There has to be a way to stop this and get back to civilized and respectful parenting for all of us on this thread.

I just wish I knew how and if anyone new to this reads this and has any ideas please post!!

Anne

Hi Anne,

I've been on my own for almost 10 years.... and never during that time has my son's father taken him overnight... his choice & work committments etc.

I tell my son.... be thankful & appreciate the time you do see him (which is rarely) & he is a good provider for which I am thankful.... luckier than a lot of other women.....

I think the most important things is to not put him down in front of your children & try to keep your cool...I know it can be hard....when all you want to do is throttle him.

Have you tried contacting your local single parenting organizations for advice. I know our Aust govt has information to help you through stages like this.

I'm sure your situation will become more agreeable. My ex at one time tried to say if I didn't let him know where I was etc (especially if we went away for a few days etc) he wouldn't give me any money. I walked away & told him to .... Made him sit up & backed down real quick. He is Italian and likes to be in control.

These days he forgets we have been apart for 10 years.. rings every night to talk to our son (unless he's in hospital - lifestyle caught up with him) when I talk to him he calls me darling. Last Valentine's Day he asked me why I hadn't reminded him to buy me flowers (he always used to buy them) I got chocolates instead.....

Not sure about laws in US - but my sister & her ex kept sending continual text sms & I think they had a few verbal exchanges ... anyway her ex had a domestic violence order placed against her for 2 years.... & the judge approved it!!!

Sometimes I believe that we have been lucky not to have been involved with courts & this constant to & fro.... very stressful for all.

Remember..... Take care & nurture yourself...Your health is important. Try to have a good laugh.... it does wonders for your spirits..... even a half hearted chuckle... give it a try.

Enjoy the Magical Moments With Your Children.... They Grow Up So Fast.

Gaida

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