For those of you who do not know me.
I was engaged and suppose to get married this upcoming Saturday. Anyways, my ex and I called off the wedding and seperated in the end of March. Then a week later I broke it off with him cause I was so mad and hurt of what he has put me through. Even though I am still not sure if I was ready to break up with him I know it was the right decison. If you really want to know the awful details, pm me, cause I am sick of mentioning what he did to me.

Anyways I have been in counseling for about a month and it is a slow process, but worth it in the long run. So ladies, I am just really confused about my feelings. Most days I hate him , other days I am sad about him , and some days I am okay about him when he starts being nice to me on the phone. Seriously last week he invited me to his softball game and then I started thinking maybe it could work, but then I tell myself..no no, that would be a really bad idea! Plus my family and friends told me I deserve better.

I am just lost about my mixed feelings. I am assuming this is normal? When do this feelings of anger, hate, sadness, etc go away? I am just sick of this rollercoaster ride that my emotions have been going through. I have been broken up with him for 4 months now and I finally started getting use to being single.

I keep telling myself I just want to have some kind of closure. The thing is I want the kind of closure where my ex is honest about anything I ask him, but I know that will never happen and I can't trust a word he says. I just want to know the truth if he ever truely cheated on me. What is cheated considered to him? Why did he do the things he did to me, etc? I also want to tell him how he really made me feel, etc.

I just want these feelings to go away, cause I am just sick of somedays I want to never get up and cry in my room somedays. It is crazy ! Some of the hardest moments is when my ex comes and picks my daughter up or drops her off.
Sometimes he is really friendly and tells me way too much about his life, and other days his is such a jerk!

Also why do I spend time fixing myself up perfect when I have to see him. I just don't understand why I do the things I do and these crazy mixed feelings.
Thanks for letting me vent. I am sure some of you ladies have gone through what i am going through and I would appreciate any advice, ideas, etc. Thanks again

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Mommy and daughter bond is the best thing in the world!


http://www.myspace.com/hopelessromanticrose

F.K.A. Bumpkinlover14

Big Hugs!!!!!!

I do remember you and your situation. First you do deserve to be treated right you are a great person. Second, I'm so glad to hear your in counseling. That is definately a step in the right direction.

Everyone has their own pace for going through these emotions so there really isn't a magic amount of time.

I really think it would help to start a journal. Get these feeling out. If your like me they just sit in your head and eat at you until your ready to scream. Sometimes I write things all out until there is nothing left to say and rip it up into a million pieces. It feels good like a release. Othertimes I leave it in the journal.

You do need closure somehow. The unknown is the greatest fear.

I also think your spending too much timethinking of him and how he feels. (quitting is easier said then done, I know) Start doing things for you, what makes you happy. I know your a mom and it is a hard job even with a patner so alone is a billion times harder but figure out who you want to be and what things make you happy. Don't lose site of yourself as a person.

Good luck I know it's been a hard road, vent away when you need to you do derserve it

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I don't know all the details about your break up but I do remember you calling off the wedding. If you need to see things in black and white to keep you strong, write these things down:

Called off the wedding
Broke up
Saught/Seeking counselling
Made the right decision
Make a better life for myself

These are your words, not mine. The fact that you are going through ALL OF THIS does not seem to be to be the type of life you are destined to have, if you were to stay with him. IT's more of a headache. I think you are very brave and very strong for staying away and I applaud you for putting yourself and your family first. That is a very hard thing to do but it is the smartest thing you can do

As for the emotions, I think it's fairly normal. You are on the right path in getting your life back on track. Keep your distance from him and continue to think about your future and the one you want for your kids ~ without him. You will be a better person for it.

((HUGS))

What great points!! buttercup, you're doing great and you're allowed to grieve for the relationship that you wished you could have had. I say, recognize it and move on! You go girl!!:D

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I've been boo'd!

i dont know sweetie when i tends.I am just starting on this journey.But if you have any clue when it ends will you please tell me

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I think for any major grieving such as this - a year.

It takes time, sweetie. Look at all you've done in the last 4 months. It's hard now as "the date" is coming up. It'll get easier after that again.

I really hope after 'the un-wed day' (less then 3 days away!) is going to alot better for me. My counselor even said he will be thinking of me this weekend.(How nice of him )

I hope it is only a year of grieving or less. My counselor did mention to start writing how I feel out. I have this little notebook that was going to be my hate journal and remind myself why I am not with him, but I can't get myself to write how much I hate him and how much he hurt me.

Maybe I should add doing something that I always wanted to do this Fall.

I am going to join the Ballroom Dance Club at college:D :D
I love dancing and I always wanted to learn ballroom dancing!

Thank you ladies for you advice and concerns.

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Mommy and daughter bond is the best thing in the world!


http://www.myspace.com/hopelessromanticrose

F.K.A. Bumpkinlover14

Writing a journal is good for you or do art like painting,drawing and etc...you can express your angre and happiness through art. It will ease your mind and thoughts. Good for you to go to counseling. Always...take care of yourself first before taking care of your dd b/c if you can't take care of yourself , you can not heal and can not take care of your dd and love ones. Also, finding a great support system in your life whether it is through your counseling or friend is a key or we can be your support system here.

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My JSEVENS: JJ, Jaren, Jocelyn, Jamie, Jasmine, Jordan
"Mom of Seven...Darn Proud"

I hate to say it but It will never go away. I still pine over my first true love even know he was an A$$.... I have moved on tho. As for wanting to look good when he pick your dd off .. Well of course you want to look your best you want him to see what he lost and messed up. You have to move on for your dd. I am glad that you are going to counceling. As for the cheating and what is considered cheating. You are just going to have to hope for the best but expect the worse. You may never find out or maybe years and years from now you will. I don't think he will ever tell you. Also you have to move on it is only going to hurst you worse to find out. I don't think I would care to find out but you better bet you butt that I would be going and getting tested just in case. Hang in there it will get better. the Love that I am talking about I lost in 2001 and I still think about him now and then but kinda in the sense wonder what he is up to and doing and that is it. I don't care if he is with someone else..... and all that other stuff. He found out I was married with a child and started emailing me. I didn't give him any information because I know he was looking for it. Take care of your self and your daughter first and everything else will fall into place sooner or later. It will belive me and in yourself.

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I too, remember you!!!!!

Do not have a Hate Journal!!!
It's ok to write down all the bad things that happpened but end each entry with a positive thing that has happened.
Do not give him more power over you than he deserves-tears were bad enough but to write a Hate Journal would be VERY BAD KARMA

Hug the Baby and write about that but do not shed anymore tears
or endanger your Karma over an Adult male who proved himself to be no Man-

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