sharing friends or being left out

allgirls · **sharing friends or being left out**

ok, not sure how to word the question so I'll just explain he situation. my girls are 6 and 8 and when they have friends from school over they want to be included in each other group. the problem is all of 6yr old friends want to play with 8yr older sister. now the 8yr old friends usually want to play with just them. my 6 yr old often ends up hurt that her friends don't want to play with her and her sister doesn't want her to play with them. just telling them isn't working. I don't want to have to have simultanist (sp?) play dates. there aren't alot of kids in neighborhood to have one go play with neighbor kids.

allgirls

aliadam · 08-03-2006, 10:29 PM

Actually, when my kids were little (more like your childrens ages) I DID do a lot of simultaneous play dates. Then everyone was happy, no fighting, and I got two set of "invitation" obligations out of the way in one time. Sometimes I might just tell them each they could invite one friend and I'd take them to the park with a lunch, or we'd all go to a museum together.

The problem is...and you're just beginning to see it...is that eventually the older child and their friends will no longer want the younger around. Now that's not all the time, and my older dd's friends still are friendly with her little brother, but they don't want him around all the time, and I don't blame them.

Maybe if you see that bad feelings are getting ready to start, you could initiate some activity they might enjoy without the younger one sucking out the fun. Like say...hey why don't all you girls pick out a movie to put on & I'll pop some corn and we can braid everyone's hair during the money/paint nails/decorate cupcakes, etc (or whatever creative idea you can come up with). Things like that they probably won't mind her around. It's probably more when they're "gossiping". Maybe the younger would be satisfied if she was included some even if not all the time. Of course it's logical for the younger girls to accept the older sister because older kids are COOL!! LOL

ruby1988 · 08-04-2006, 12:04 AM

i would do a simeloutaneous play date but only let each girl have one friend...OR...

we also like to have "movie parties"--they last exactly 2 hours. girls are dropped off after they have dinner and i show a movie with popcorn and juice boxes. if we have time left over after the movie, i have a little craft or game set up that goes along with the movie. that's it. no big preparations, no stress...no play time, so no hurt feelings!

we make invitations and put the drop off and pick up time in bold font so there is no misunderstanding of the times. then everyone goes home and gets to bed on time. and your kids are the coolest for having a great party. sometimes we tell the guests to wear pajamas, one time they were supposed to dress as mermaids or in beach attire (no bathing suits per dad's request). it's so much fun!

a good movie--the barbie diaries. we got it last week and the girls love it!! (mine are 5 and 3) we're having friends over to watch it tommorow. and this fall, barbie and the twelve dancing princesses comes out! (can you tell we love the barbie movies?)

kellynkay · 08-04-2006, 07:08 AM

Allgirls...we have the same problem .

At our house, short of making the "youngers" play together, and explaining to the friend ( its mostly the friends that want to hang out with Aurora - Karenna doesn't want to at ALL!) that "A" is off limits and then having "A" make herself scarce, there isn't much I do. We also have some of the same issue (if I remember correctly) your girls share a room, as do mine - so they can't go to their rooms to play separately. Can you have them be in different parts of the house?? Maybe your oldest hang out in her room, with the others play somewhere else? Or visa versa.

I think that Aliadam is right...the troubles are just beginning.

allgirls · 08-04-2006, 11:10 AM

a good movie--the barbie diaries. we got it last week and the girls love it!! (mine are 5 and 3) we're having friends over to watch it tommorow. and this fall, barbie and the twelve dancing princesses comes out! (can you tell we love the barbie movies?)[/quote]

we have seen Barbie Diaries, girls are hoping to get it for bday. I didn't know about th other one. the are currently watching My Scene Jammin Jamaica and we also just go My Scene Masquerade Madness. I just saw the dancing princess stuff and target and was wondering what it was.

okay, my problem is I can't seem to get two play dates together and the same thing happens anyway. It really is just beginning b/c now the 3yr old is just starting to want t play also. I can usually distract her. I think I 'll try distract with helping mom make something. opps, girls are begging to eat. I guess I have to go.:D

allgirls

JSEVEN · 08-04-2006, 11:57 AM

I can totally relate to everyone. I have 4 dd from ages 9,8,6,5...they do share friends expecially thier school friends. It is pretty common...setting up play dates and sleep overs among these four.

They all have one best friend that they are really close to. One them do get left out but it is working together is key. Looking out for thier sister or brother in times of need...like a buddy system and also improving thier Negotiating SKills. When one gets hurt...the others will react, u know what I mean.

But when I was little at thier age...I was the only girl in the family and I have two brothers but we did share the same friends and play one group. When my lil bro needed help, I was there to protect them. I am really close to my 2 brothers. Now, today...I tell my girls no matter who they play with they always have to stick together. I want that closeness between them.

(below) My 3 girls in thier kimono, missing little sister b/c she didn't like outfit.

JeannetteDavis · 08-09-2006, 12:09 AM

I have a similar problem since the boys are only 10 months apart. Parker doesn't realize that there is an age difference, so he figures that he should be able to be a part of everything going on. Then you add that most of the kids that we tend to have playdates with are about 6 or 7, and Carson, who will be 6 in October, is closer to their ages than Parker, who is only going to be 5 in a couple weeks.

It's rough, so I plan things that all of them can do together. I fill the wading pool and put on the sprinkler, blow up the bounce house, let them play on the swings, etc. so that no one is left out. They are too young to gossip, so they don't really need private time yet. I know it is going to get harder as they get older, and I hate seeing Parker's little feelings hurt all the time. Gosh, parenting is so hard.