And if so do you have full costody, and do you ever feel like you are the live in sitter, or does your dh and his family support you or treat you as an outsider in the childs life, and how does child treat you?

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I am a stepmom to our 7 yr old DD. She lives with her mom in Pennsylvania, but we have worked out a good custody agreement. I love her so much, I wish we could see her more. I think the hardest part is dealing with her mom. She is very difficult to work with. I just keep thinking that the older DD gets the more she is able to realize how much we love her and are there for her. Stepparenting is definetly a challenge!

I'm step-mom to 4 now-grown children. We, at various times, had physical custody of all of them or some of them. Sometimes we didn't have physical custody of any of them - but that was pretty rare.

Sometimes as a step-parent we ARE the outsider. Plus we don't have as much say in the decision making as we would if we were just dealing with our husband - no matter what our custody situation. As women we're used to being boss over the nest. When we're step-mom, however, we have to make 'dad' play a more active role. It is very difficult. And I think every mom at some point feels like the live-in babysitter and maid.

I've read about your situation and I think some work specifically on step-parenting would be beneficial. There is an older book entitled, "How to Be a Step-mom Without Getting Stepped On" or something like that. It helped me quite a bit when the kids were younger.

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"I've been rich and I've been poor but independently wealthy is where it is at."

I agree with this!

I am not a step-parent, but my dh is, and the older kids have a step-mom. There are some things that we all work together on, and there are some things that just my ex and I deal with, as we are the "parents".

Here is a "funny" story. My dd was at the mall with her "step-mom"...and the step-mom let her spend her own money on two pet turtles....without calling my ex or myself to see if it was okay. My dd comes home with these thinking she is bringing them to "my" house. Needless to say, this was a very big discussion. And the step-mom learned a very valuable lesson that day. And the turtles live with my ex and they have to take care of them on a day to day basis. My dd gets to see them when she is over there. Hard lesson for my dd to learn also.

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I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. ~ Frances Moore Lappe