I have talked about this before and felt it was a hot topic for this forum too.

Do you as a mother to your child, have an identity separate from MOM? As a very proud military spouse I take my kids to their daddy's work, visit airplane museums with dh and the kids, support dh during his PRT and have the kids cheering him on (it's so cute), go to command picnics and various ceremonies....do some spouse club events....but aside from military life I don't have anythign I can call mine (that is until the MOMS Club).

My children have a definitely persona for daddy. He's husband, he's daddy and he's a pilot. They are proud of him and always want to be with him and mimick him: mowing the lawn, doing push ups, flying a plane etc.

When I think about what my kids must think of me, I don't know if I have anything for them to really personify me as. Sure, I am their mom and I am daddy's wife, but is that all? I feel I need to be setting an example too; by doing something useful with my life aside from what they already know

Do you feel that way too? Do you have an identity?

i know what you mean.My boys seem to mimic their dad also.Look up to him and such.But i think that is because their boys.They do know that i'm a legal asst. and have my own office,so they make comments about me in that sense."Mommy has an office with pics of me!"Stuff like that.But besides that i feel like i must have some kind of good influence with them because they all tell me that i'm a good mom and tell me they love me.EVEN MY TEEN!LOL.So i guess sometimes just being a good mom is good enough for them.kwim?? I do enjoy having a life outside of home though.It's nice to go to work and have co-workers,lunches,etc.I only wk 30 hours though(8-2)because i want to be there for them everyday as much as possible,on top of having my own thing going on.

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I do know what you mean. I guess I just needed to hear it again! Thanks!

Yes I feel the same way!! I want to be Casey again. At least for an hour aday! It is worse with Steven deployed as I am with the girls 24/7! If I was close to family it would be completely differant!

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Casey loving wife to Steven mom to 4 bratty girls Amanda, Rebecca, Jessica and Makayla
Where did my baby go

I have always felt I was more than a mom... being a mom was always first and most important but I was also a wife to man in the military, and a nurse. There were times in my life that I felt my individuality was being gobbled up by my husband and kids. Now that my youngest is graduating HS I am feeling a little lost. I'm glad I have my career but I am definitely feeling melancholy about my years as a mom to young children.

nope, I'm just mom. :love:

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I never had an identity till the ex decided to walk out. I went through a rough time because I was always his wife or mom to my 2 kids. I had to find Karen. I didn't know who she was. I was 43 years old. I did find her. But I am Mom and Grandma now.
My DS is 34 and he says he still sees people he went to school with that ask about me. I was always and still am there for my kids and they know it. Last year my DGD was in kindergarten. The teacher and assistant called me Grandma Karen. So I am now known as Sierra's Grandma in lots of places. But I love it. But I am also still Mom to my 2 adult kids and that is alright. I have always been a better mother than I am a wife.
When your kids are young I don't think you can have much of an identity. I still see people I don't know their name but I know their child's name. It goes back to years ago when I was defined as DS or DD's Mom. I never knew the Mom's first name, just her child, and she didn't know my first name either.
Believe me, there will be time to find out who you are as the children grow older.

My kids look at me as more than mom and dad's wife!!! To them I am the one who makes everything run smoothly around the house. I am the one in charge of getting them registered and to and from their activites. I am the one who makes sure everything is done around the house, I am the one who makes sure we have enough money to do the things we need to do. I may not have a career (though I usually have a job), but I think my kids respect all that I do. I have the most important job of all, I am the glue that holds this family together!

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~Happiness is a large family~

My husband tells me that, in those exact words, a lot, Sheryl. It does wonders for my self esteem, too. Even though the kids may not know it yet, he recognizes it and makes sure they are aware of it. AND, that he is aware of it.

Doesn't mean they choose me over dh most times, but it does mean I have an important role in everyone's lives.

I am having a hard time with this lately. The latest boss's/commander's wife is awesome and has been doing a lot of spouse support outings, get togethers, etc. for everybody at the office which is great, but, I have to say, I miss the days where my dh was described as "Mr. Claire" one day at a work function of mine! It was classic and I think he saw how much my identity was to me then. Now I am Chris's wife a lot more than I ever was. (Oops, I just noticed this is a military family post, but, hey, it fits here, too. We all have those feelings whether we are military or not.)

I try to remind myself that I am a capable human being who has accomplished a lot outside my family, too. May be a bit narcissistic, but I think it is important to remind yourself of that sometimes, whether you are military or not.