UPDATE - SEE MY REPLY POST BELOW!
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I've been dating this wonderful, amazing guy for the last couple of months, and we really are starting to like each other enough to want to plan to spend more time together. It's a long distance relationship, he lives about 7 hours away. We met through his sister, who is an acquaintance of mine. We've seen each other about 4 times, and I decided to find out what the summer looked like for him so we could schedule out some of the weekends when my ex will have the kids.

Well, I was pretty shocked at his response. I knew he and his mom were close - and it was already concerning me that he is a bit of a mama's boy and seemed just a little too concerned about pleasing her/being there for her at his age (he is 35 and has never been married), but I was still trying to figure that one out. He'd said previously that it is HIS life to live, but he does talk to her often and she is VERY opinionated. But he also said there is a reason he lives 9 hours away from her.

His response - he has asked his mom (she is widowed) to spend the summer with him (July 4 until Labor day), so he's waiting to find out her schedule first (she hasn't given him an answer yet). That part was already alarming, since I've never known anyone to WANT to spend that much time with their mom (but maybe I'm overreacting...??). But then he suggested that if we did make plans, his mom would need to be included if she was there, and in fact she and I might even share a room (!)(I am assuming he means at his house, and he and I would not share a room anyway b/c we don't believe in sex outside of marriage, but still!!) Did I mention she is a very judgmental, critical type who has already decided she doesn't like me without ever having met me, just because I have kids?? Oh, and I should mention that he is 1/2 Korean, and she is Korean and wants him to meet a nice Korean girl (even though she did not say that for her other 3 kids).

Am I the only one who thinks this whole thing is totally bizarre?? I don't know if I'm too close to the situation or I should run like mad, or something in between, but what would you do if you were me? I really like this guy, he's truly a great guy, but I've never dated anyone who was so attached/close to his mother.

Not only bizarre but a no win situation. If I were you I would think hard and long about getting involved with this guy - it sounds like his mother would be a huge part of your lives and you would never measure up because you aren't Korean

RUN




Ok now that, that is out. I am sorry to say this but I have one and you are NEVER going to get to a point where you are going to 1st before his mom. If you are ok with that then it will work. My dh isn't that bad since when we started dating he was 22 where if he was 35 there is no way. I think the longer a man has his mother this way the harder it make on the "New girl" I think that is would be safe to say give it some time ans see how it goes. my favorite saying is kill with kindness and if that doesn't work then let it all out. I would try to work a vist out maybe at the end of her visit so some would be with her there and then when she is gone. He is 35 and it is his mom so it is his choice in the end

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lol I was thinking the same thing... R U N!!!!

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Yeah, he's given you all the clues about who comes first, and the more you wrote, the worse it sounded. I think you see why he's never married. I'm afraid the "right" girl, Korean or not, will never cut the apron strings - only he can, and at 35, it ain't gonna happen. Drop it and have a friend, but be open to someone more worthy.

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I agree with what the ladies said above. RUN!!!!

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~Jill~

YES RUN!!! I was married to a mama's boy...HORRIBLE HORRIBLE!! He still has to check in with her on most things.....RUN as fast as you can.

I know he seems nice to you now, but Love is Blind, and it is because you are wanting it so bad. There is someone else out there for you TRUST ME!!

I have been there and survived!! And I have a wonderful man now who truly puts me first!!

Good luck and big Hugs!

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Okay, first, thank you everyone for your advice, I really appreciate it.

I did talk to him last night, and I had misread his email - he wasn't saying that I would share a room with his mom - he was saying, should we ever share a room - as in be in the same room together - that things could be awkward given her opinionated views.

And he didn't mean we'd have to make plans WITH her, but that we'd have to consider what she might be doing if we made plans without her.

And as far as spending two months - it is a 9 hour drive each way, and she doesn't drive. She has been wanting to spend more time with him and see him, so she asked if she could come visit. There are also some other friends in the area she wants to visit with. He is driving down to see her/family on the 4th of July, and the next planned visit was Labor day, as he normally sees his family about 6 times per year. So he just planned the one way trips along with his normal visits. But I still think 2 months is a very long time. He said that he does feel like he needs to spend some time with her since his dad died several years ago and none of his other siblings really check in on her much. But he also said that this is NOT something he normally does, and that he definitely prefers only seeing her 6 times per year and living 9 hours away.

So.... better? Not so scary? Maybe even do-able? Or still "RUN"??

If he's a nice guy....give him a chance. I married what I thought to be a Mama's boy and he's far from that now! I couldn't be happier!!!

Is he the oldest son? In many Asian cultures the oldest son is expected to take responsibility for his parent's needs if they have any as they get older. Maybe it is a cultural thing.

Jen