Last night we went to pick her up at my inlaws and we got out of the vehicle about 25 ft away from house and could here this awful screaming and waling, at first I thought it was one of their cows bawling. We got inside and it was Riley screaming and crying and pulling her hair cause she had to come home, it was the worst I have seen so far! Then dh and I ate supper there and when we got ready to leave after an hour and she had done been told no because my mil is not feeling well and goes to college online this summer to finish her bachelors, well she starts pinching her leg and face , stomping , then pulls her hair and does that unreal bawling--I wanted to just take her in the bathroom and bust her hiney! Dh tells her to quit and she won't we finally get her in the car and he says nothing! I ask him if she will be in trouble for it and he says nothing, well we get home and as I walk in the door I get the call about my cousin--he does nothing just pets her and tucks her in! She is getting worse.
My 15 yr old has been at my other dd's helping with the babies but she is getting lazy--nothing new --and takes off in her car--she has no licence yet--but can drive the dirt road to the school and back--ONLY! I told her I am taking the car and she is coming home and going to do something now she is throwing a fit and won't speak to us! Why oh why did dh get the car early--this kid is bigger than me and is pure H-e-double L to live with.
HELP!!! I know its my fault with mine for not putting my foot down sooner in life but I was always working and never home thats why I try so hard to make dsd not act that way.

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Busting the butt is not the way to help this child. You need to have him sit and talk w/her - maybe just a sympathetic ear from you would help. But let her know that what she is doing is inappropriate and will not be tolerated. Then let her know what privilege or toy will be lost (such as going again for a month) if this kind of behavior ever appears again (don't act mad, but be serious).

As far as your older one, yeah...take the car away. She has no license and should not be on the road AT ALL until she gets one unless there is a licensed driver w/her. And she should be taught to never drive in anger. She wants some freedom, but that's got to be earned. You have to be able to trust her decisions, and her doing something like that doesn't show she's making the right ones. Even three days w/out her car will let her know you're serious - perhaps even one, depending on the schedule.

Sometimes kids need gentleness and love, not the harshness, which is why just the petting and tucking in. That gets them to open up more and they will be more likely to listen. The older one needs it too, but as you know, with a firm hand of guidance. Stick to your guns. You know already what is needed, but it can be done gently, but firmly.

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I agree with Dessertmom. I also think the little one may benefit from some form of counseling. Sounds like she has had lots of issues in her short little life.

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I totally relate to you and your dd. i have a 6 year old who this past year has been a sweet angel one minute and an out of control savage the next. She actually stabbed her sister's hand with a fork one day!!! I called her school counselor and had her talk with her and evaluate her. Basically it boiled down to her wanting to be in control and have power over her own life. What has helped me is when she gets mad about something I acknowledge that I know what she wants and I sympathize, but she will have to do what I asked her even though it's hard. For example, when I tell her it's time to turn off the t.v. and set the table for dinner she starts crying, begging for "just 5 more minutes" and yelling at me. I [u][b]calmly tell her "You were watching a good show weren't you?. And you wanted to watch it til the end? It's hard when it isn't over by dinnertime, but we have to set the table for dinner now and maybe if you can behave nicely at dinner I will let you .... (whatever you know she likes to do). However, if you continue to scream and not follow directions then you will not be allowed to watch t.v. for the rest of the evening. Then follow through.This is the most important part. My daughter's school counselor told me that my daughter didn't believe me because I never did what I said I would. so I have had to make sure if I say it I do it!!