I have been debating posting this....at the risk of getting flamed, but here goes:

I have a HUGE problem with not being able to sperate my son's demeanor and personality from my ex husband's.

My son is 100% like his father, body language, the way he talks (his voice), what he says, the choices he makes, EVERYTHING. He is my ex to a T.

And I admit that it drives me absolutly crazy. I have found myself growing very distant from him and I don't like it.

Also the fact that he is a "male" and I am just not good at doing "guy things", video games, basketball, etc...doesn't help either.

My daughter and I get along great....we scrapbook, do crafts, ect... she helps with the baby. No problems there.

It is my relationship with my son that I worry about. And I don't know how to "fix it". How do I talk or interact with my son and NOT think about my ex???

I have been struggling with this one for a few years now. And it is not all bad, don't get me wrong. We have game nights we were all get together and "hang out".

It is the "one on one" time that is the concern.

And maybe this is all normal. Maybe it would be this way, even if his father and I were still married. I don't know.

Maybe there is guilt because I do so much with the girls???

Thoughts anyone???

And I am sure I am missing something, so feel free to ask questions for clarification.

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I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. ~ Frances Moore Lappe

Counseling. I'm sure your son notices you treat him differently. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad. Please, get counseling.

Hummmm....I will think about that. I am not sure that it is that bad. I am 99% positive there is NO depression. And like I said we do get together as a family often. Are you saying for me or for him.....if you mean me....I have been to counseling. But this is a hard one to "get over".

I guess I am curious if anyone else out there has a similar situation??

I was having a conversation with my ex the other day....and I mentioned that I felt bad that I didn't have anything that I do with ds "one on one" but I do with my daughter. And his response was "yeah I know what you mean...I finally gave in and played Xbox with him the other day".

Maybe that is what has me so upset about it now. I thought for sure that he was getting one on one time with his Dad...

And My dh has one on one time with him....throwing the football, playing basketball, etc...

We have all joked about how he is sooo much like his father. But it has always been in a "fun-loving" way.

Yes, he does drive my crazy at times when he is acting like his father. But I do my best to make sure that he does NOT know how I feel.

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I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. ~ Frances Moore Lappe

I think you are "normal" and I agree with the counseling suggestion.
I secretly wanted to have girls for the reason that I am a girl and know them better.
I was lucky and got 2!! Good luck!

We posted at the same time....read my addition above...please.

Thank you for saying "normal".

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I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. ~ Frances Moore Lappe

I think it is normal to have more in common with daughters than sons, especially if you are not the sporty/outdoor/gaming type.

I am struggling right now with my 9 yo dd. We just don't click and I chalk it up to a phase "she" is going through. (dingy, spacey, talks ALL the time) She justs gets under my skin.

HOWEVER, we are the moms/the adults and our children look to us for EVERYTHING. We need to suck it up and go the extra distance to make our relationships right with our children. No matter what. They did not ask to be here....we chose to bring them into this world.

And don't beat yourself up about this. I think it is more normal than not to have a stage with our kids where things just are not clicking. And like you said, it is not like this all the time. Just keep doing what you can to show him how much you love him. Prepare meals with him, take him grocery shopping with you and let him help, give him a camera and let him take pictures of his own and then make a scrapbook with him. Just get creative and incorporate what you love to do into it! He just wants to be with his mom. Good luck with this one and know that you are not alone. Alot of moms would not admit that they may not have a "perfect" relationship with their kids.

thank you and you are probably right. I am just stressing about this too much. I am almost sure he doesn't even know how I feel. He is fine.

And I have tried to get him to scrapbook.....he says NO. LOL But I have tried!!

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I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. ~ Frances Moore Lappe

My husbands ex did this with my oldest dss. It caused long and lasting scars. He is the spitting image of my dh. He looks like him, sounds like him, and acts like him. She treated her younger son who looks and acts like her different than the oldest.

Counseling is not just for depression. If you are becoming distant from your son and he is driving you crazy because he is so much like you ex then there are some issues that you need to be deal with and let go of. If you are noticing that you treat him differently than the girls you can bet your arse he is noticing.

My youngest dss looks like his mom, talks like his mom, and acts like his mom but he is NOT his mom. Regardless of how much his behavior may annoy me at times I love and treat him the same.

As kids become teenagers the effort to stay connected becomes harder. As a parent you sometimes have to engage in things that interest your kids but may not interest you so much. If he is into Xbox watch him play...see if there is a game you can play together. Go to a sporting event with him, you don't have to be good at basketball to watch a game. Go to the movies together, it doesn't matter what you see as long as it is together. With teenage boys you have to step out of your comfortable box and into theirs if you want to maintain a close relationship.

ITA with everything you said.

And this is exactly why I hesitated posting this!!

Because of posts like this one.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. And when writing something black and white...it is hard to hear their tone of voice.

I have made several posts in this thread....Did you read all of them??

I think I am stressing about this now because of the conversation I had with his father.

Maybe I should not have lumped everything into one post.

The fact that he drives me crazy because he is like his father, is a seperate issue from us doing things together one on one.

I am not avoiding doing things with him because he is like his father, I guess I assumed he was getting enough one on one time with my husband and his father....so his father's response the other day threw me for a loop.

So, now I am feeling like I need to step up and do what I thought my ex was doing.

I do play Xbox with him, he has Tiger Woods golf. But do I do it as much as I scrapbook, NO.

I do watch him play football, I go to everyone of his games.

We do have LOTS of family time!!

This is such a hard thing to talk about....because people tend to look at it only one way.

I am NOT treating him differently.

I was concerned and probably paranoid that I wasn't spending enough one on one time with him.

Maybe my comment about being distant...wasn't the right way to put it.

This is why I have a hard time putting myself out there in this forum....I think I am going to get support and find someone who can relate....and it seems I get the complete opposite at times!!

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I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. ~ Frances Moore Lappe