If your children were going out of town with the "other parent" what would you expect as far as a phone call/communication??

Would you expect a phone call as soon as they got there??

Would you call them when you knew they should be there??

Would you have ALL numbers where they could be reached communicated??

Keep in mind that the kids have their own cell phones, so you can call them at those numbers....what would your expectations be??

And I will have a story.....

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I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. ~ Frances Moore Lappe

I will admit before this weekend I didn't know what my expectation was!!

Here is my situation.....both of the kids have their own cell phones, so I expected to be able to get a hold of them no problem. They were out of town with their Dad over the weekend (which is another thread 10 hour drive on Friday to drive home 10 hours on Sunday).

My dd called me late Friday and said that they were still on the road, this was around 9pm. I said ok, talked for a few minutes, and then said call me in the morning.

Well, the next morning NOTHING!! I am thinking ok, they are sleeping in, no biggie. Around 1pm I had a missed call, honestly didn't hear my phone, with NO message. Within 15-20 min. I called back, no answer. I called my ds cell phone, no answer. I then called my ex's cell phone, NO answer. An hour later, try all 3 again, NO answer.

At 8:45pm almost EIGHT hours later, my ex finally picks up my dd's phone, and says, "they have been out on the boat all day, and they are still out there, most of the cell phones don't have signal, OK?"

Well, when he said "OK" is when I lost it. NO that is not ok, you didn't tell me where you were staying an alternate phone number NOTHING. I had no other way to get a hold of them, and I have been a little worried ALL afternoon.

Of course turns into an arguement....and he tries telling me that I did the same thing to him when we just went on vacation to my Dad's.

Now let me just say that #1 he knew we were at my Dad's #2 He had EVERY phone number we could be reached at as well as the kids cell phones....which is how he got a hold of them. Now, I admit that I did not call him when we got out there...BUT he had ALL phone numbers. (And I didn't expect him to call me on his trip either, knowing that I could call their cell phones. KWIM?) He waited TWO days before trying to get a hold of them.....and now that is MY fault.

So, I am guessing....he was trying to teach me a lesson and prove a point...JERK!! Since when do two wrongs make a right???

Well, I will certainly change my expectation from here on out!!!

I should add....shame on me for NOT getting info before they left...and shame on me for assuming that I could call their cell phones to reach them.

And I don't expect them to answer ALL the time....but eight hours was a little much for me.

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I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. ~ Frances Moore Lappe

Whenever we have taken my step children on a trip we have always made sure to call their mom when we have arrived at our distination. (mind you up until a month ago they(the kids) did not have cell phones) But dh and I did. the kids would call their mom to let her know we had made it and such. If we were gone for a long period of time and they wanted to talk to her while we were gone they just had to ask to use one of our cell phones. their mom had our cell phone numbers and could call us any time if she wanted to. It was no big deal if she did.
(I would expect communication with my children if the shoe was on the other foot).

I think you were right in trying to call them. It was a long time to go without hereing from them. You are their mother and have every right to be sure that they are safe! I would have done the dame thing and Felt the same way as you!!!!!

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~Jill~

Thanks Jill~

And I do feel really bad now that I didn't call him.....my fault for not thinking of it....BUT why would he wait two days to call them....and then throw it in my face at a later time??

If he had said something to me when it happened...I would have felt horrible and apologized.

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I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. ~ Frances Moore Lappe

I think he is trying to make you pay for his dumbness or stupididty!!!!! He didn't think about calling his kids until two days later and so he thinks that the same rule should apply for you! try not to let it upset you too much! he just needs an attitude adjustment. Do we need the frying pans??????

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~Jill~

When we would go away w/my dss before everyone had cells, his mom gave him a phone card to call her everyday but it was OUR responsibility to give him a phone and/or remind him, which was usually before bedtime. Our biggest issue w/his mom was her controlling when we could have "extra" time w/him such as when he was in my brother's wedding. It was on our weekend, but we needed to get down early for the rehearsal dinner and she wouldn't let us pick him up early because that was taking time away from her and not benefitting her son in any way. Whatever, sorry to get off track.
Oh and it was cute, she wrote out a card to him to open every day (when he was at reading age) and she wrote it out accordingy to our itinerary such as "you were probably loving those rollercoasters" or "hope you didn't get bit by any crabs today at the beach". Pretty cute!

I am going to play devils advocae and say: Why do you let them go without first getting the #s you wanted/needed? I also know we go to a weekend get away were the cell phone respection is bad and we have to drive about 5 minutes away to be able to use it and that is also were the closest pay phone is (which pay phones are hard ot find these days)
Like I say- I am playing devils advocate

when my son goes out of town with his father, which is about two to three times a year, he always calls me when they get there and either calls or sends me a text before they leave to come home. i dont bother them when they are there, but if i do feel sad when he is away, i can call and his father will let me talk to him....or if my son wants to talk to me, then his father will call me and let him talk to me.

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Jaime

"Live each day like its your last"

When DS is here with us it is my DH time...We see him only a few times a year and he is ony with us for 1 week out of the summer...that is DH time. DSS can call his mom at night, from our house phone. His cell phone is not to be used while he is here (DH rules) there is a perfectly good house phone and we don't place a restriction on when he can/can't call his mother. And she is more than welcome to call the house phone if she wants to talk to him.

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You SHOULD be able to let your kids go and trust them to be perfectly safe with just a couple of short calls when they're with them. HOWEVER, in the real world, if I were divorced, I couldn't do that (dh forgot to pick up lunch over the weekend as I asked for the kids, forgot to stop and let them eat at McD's, and then said "oh, I'll just give them a corn dog and strawberries").

You should be able to call them anytime, but also depend on him to take care of them. But as far as expectations, you definitely can't expect them, if they're active, to always be available, and if you have expectations, let them know - call in once a day, or whatever. Kids don't understand parents' concerns, and just don't think like that. So just let them know what you want and negotiate with them from there.

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