Here is a question for my sister.

She is dating and will be marrying someone that has two boys. She has two children of her own, one boy and one girl.

Three of the children get along GREAT. But there is one, the oldest son of her boyfriend, that is very defiant at times.

I have no experience with this, as I gave birth to all of my children, and my DH did not have any of his own children before marrying me.

So, anyone out there with a similar situation?? And advice on how to help with the older one being more comfortable??

The oldest is 9 BTW, and the two other boys are 7, and then the little girl is 3.

Apparently the boyfriend really gives in to the oldest letting him get his way.

Now that I am typing this, it sound similar to Lamby's situation......

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I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. ~ Frances Moore Lappe

I am by no means an expert on blending families, but from my own experience, just from having been through it for a while and looking back on some of it (not that it really gives me wisdom to deal with the present), but blending families is a real challenge. I would suggest she read anything she can get her hands on regarding blending families.

As far as the older boy seeming defiant/having a difficult time, at times, each of our children except the toddler has had the same issue. It seems like they all take turns being difficult to deal with. It may go away as time passes and he feels more comfortable, or it may be something that sticks around for a while. I think much of it has to do with the input they are getting from the other parent. If his mother is fine with the situation, it may make it a little easier on him, at least it has seemed that way in our situation. I hope for your sister that he gets easier to deal with soon.

I guess the main thing that I can say is that there are a lot of ups and downs in trying to get two family to live as one family. Many times I feel like it is 2 steps forward and 1 step back, and the bad times really stink, but the good times will eventually start to come more and more often, and that is when it really seems worth it.

Oh, and one more thing that I think will make it easier...keep your sense of humor, and always keep your "eye on the Prize" (her man).