I am really frustrated today. Maybe some of you can tell me if you think I am just being unreasonable.

This week we have my stepkids for a week long visit, which is fine. All five of the kids have been really challenging today, bored, crabby, fighting with each other, complaining, you know the drill, so maybe that made me react a little too much to this, because it seems kind of small to me, but I got really irritated.

My DSD has had a spacer in her mouth for years, and a year ago the dentist told her mother to have it removed by the oral surgeon. Well, the mother said no, she did not want the tooth pulled and that was the only way it can come out. So DSD has had this uncomfortable piece of metal in her mouth and can only chew on one side. So yesterday, she tells us, my spacer really hurts and so do my gums, where we look to see a tooth that was supposed to have been surgically removed, coming through the side of the gums over the baby tooth, which still there. Again, the mother says "No" she wouldn't take her to the oral surgeon. We have insurance so there is no financial reason why she wouldn't. So we sent the mother an e-mail saying you need to take her to the dentist. She took her today, and for the 3rd time in a row, the dentist told her, you have to take her to the surgeon to get it removed. DUH! What did she expect them to say? Added onto this is the fact that she has taken DSD to the dermatologist several times in the last 6 months for some bumps that she supposedly has on her butt and will not follow the doctor's advice to get rid of them. Finally the doctor said he was going to do a little biopsy of on the bumps, and she said no because DSD did not want to be numbed with a needle. All of this, of course, costs money, but on top of that, she is a school teacher and has all summer free to deal with this, and didn't. Last year she was constantly after my husband to take DSD to the dermatologist (who cares that he has a job to work), after she refused to do the treatment that the doctor recommended.

So today, she came and picked up DSD to take her to her appointment at the dentist, I stayed at home with the other 4 children waiting for her to come back. She was gone several hours, so all four kids were stuck at home instead of out doing something fun. When she picked DSD up, she left a messy project for DSS to do, which of course, I told him he had to wait until he goes back to her house, but he still asked me 50 times, fruit snacks, and a movie, which was OK. When she returned, she brought DSS french fries, a giant sized cookie and then, what really ticked me off was, the ice cream truck was coming, and DSD came in and kept going on and on about it. I said, we are all in the house, we can't hear it from here, no one else will know it is here, we are not going to get anything. She ran outside to say "goodbye" to her mom one more time, and the kids come in with money for the ice cream truck, after I already said no! So of course, I can't let just 2 of the 5 kids get ice cream off the ice cream truck, so I grab money and go outside. Well, who should be sitting there waiting to see if I let the kids buy ice cream, than their mother? She never drove away until she knew I was out there buying ice cream.

Well, I was just ticked. DSD obviously ran outside to her mom and said I said no ice cream, so she totally undercut what I said and gave the kids money, after giving them Burger King and gigantic cookies at 3:30 in the afternoon, 2 hours before dinner? So basically she ruined my entire schedule for the day, because she decided she was goign to run errands with DSD and not let me know she was not coming back after appointment, but then she filled the kids with junk before dinner so we had to move dinner back for the rest of the family, but she also made sure that the kids bought ice cream after I told them no. If she wants me to keep the kids, the least she can do is have a little respect for what I am telling them, she has no idea what they have eaten or when dinner is or anything. Am I totally overreacting here?

No, You're not overreacting. I'd be mad too. But she is who she is, which is a true piece of work and there is not too much you can do about it. Sure you can stew over her insensitivity but what good will it do. She wants you to get mad so that she has the upperhand...seem like the "Fun" parent.
Next time she has to take one of the kids out while they are on your watch, tell her to meet you back at your house at a certain time and make sure you take the kids out to do something fun. Why should you wait for her and beholden to her schedule? I'm sure this behavior gives you a clue why she is the ex-wife.
BTW, I've been to Chagrin Falls, A lovely little town. Had some good chocolate there. A good friend of mine moved to Solon,Ohio and I visited her about a year and a half ago.

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I’ve been SWAK’d!
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Not at all
I don't know how you were able to let her drive away without telling her off.

I agree!!!

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~Happiness is a large family~

I really feel sorry for her daughter, but your dh has to deal with it or you'll be the bad guy.

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Thank you for the input ladies. It just helps to do a reality check and see what someone thinks once in a while, kwim? I probably would have said something to her before she drove away, but I did not want to argue with her in front of the kids. Her kids already know that she does not like me, but no use throwing more fuel on the fire, huh?

Thanks for reading and responding!

JoeandKate'smom,
Chagrin Falls is a great little town. I don't actually live IN the town, but that is my mailing adress, but my DH and I go there alot for date night and stuff. Solon is only 20 minutes away from me also. It is funny to see someone on here that has been so close to here. Small world huh?

hmmm..maybe I should go there today and get some of that chocolate you were talking about...

NO you are not over reacting at all. I agee with the others. I would have told her off. But desertmom is right your dh needs to handle it.

She sounds like my EX. He does that kind of crap all the time. Thinks I have nothing better to do than to sit around and wait for him. Since I am a SAHM, I have all the time in the world, right???

Ugh. Big Hugs to you!!

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I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. ~ Frances Moore Lappe

Yes, of course, as all of us stay at home moms know, we have nothing but free time!
It stinks that you put up with this too! Hugs to you too!

Your dh's ex is a jerk. That is why she is the EX. Something is wrong with her on many levels. She does things to you on purpose to live out her revenge and spite against her ex-husband. You are just a tool. Don't let her see that she has upset you. She will get something (emotionally sick) out of it. It is likely that is why she kept you at home all day. What about cell phones? Could you have called her? She needs to be available by cell phone in case you have an emergency with one of her kids.

The main problem I see here is that your DSD needs both medical and dental treatment (the kid is in pain in her mouth for pete's sake.) Does your husband have the legal authority to get her the medical and dental treatment she requires? If so, he needs to do the NIKE thing and "just do it." The bumps/rash may require cream or even antibiotics. They could be administered by the school nurse during the day at school if she won't cooperate at home once school starts.

The fact that she is denying the kid the treatment she needs is scary especially with the dental treatment since constant pain is involved, especially if you and your dh think she is doing it to get to your dh and upset him. Something here is very, very wrong.

Your dh has probably worked out a way to avoid "displays" from her and that is avoidance. However, it appears that this tactic won't work here. If he can legally, just have him get her the treatment, and write a document and give her a copy listing her negligence in getting the required treatment with dates of previous dental and medical appointments and copies of the medical dental notes. That way he is in a position of power when she goes off. I guarantee that she will go off, but he will have nothing to apologize for other than doing what is best for the child. That documentation will take the wind out of her sails. She may be less likely to use the kids medical/dental situations as a weapon in the future.