My son washed his hands of his father a long time ago... my daughter still makes an effort to maintain a relationship with her dad despite his lack of interest.

Today she called me in tears because he stood her up again. They made plans earlier this week for him to come pick her up and take her to his house to hang out for the day. They have not seen each other in 6 months. She thought maybe he would want to spend some time with his grandson who is almost 9months old. She called last night to confirm, and left a message on his machine.

Today when he didn't show up she called and left another message. He called back 15 minutes later and said he was asleep. She reminded him of the plans... his response..."oh yeah, well I'm not coming today I'm really tired all I want to do is relax and watch TV."

She was crushed, he could hear it in her voice so he asked if she was mad. She said no she would call me (her mom) and see if I would like to hang out. He said Ok and they said their goodbyes.

I went over to her apt and helped her finish unpacking the baby's room (they recently moved.) She cried for 2 hours and vented to me about him. I have never encouraged her to give up on him, it's been really hard but I decided I am no longer going to encourage her to keep forgiving him. I told her today she needs to decide how to deal with it and not feel bad about her choice. She has given him 22 yrs to figure out how to be a dad, he's had plenty of time.

I feel horrible for choosing this man to be the father of my children, I feel like I failed them in providing a basic but essential need. He is not the man that I married.

I'm sorry your dd was so hurt by that. What a creep!

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oh man........I wanna go over and hang out with her.


That just sucks.....I know how I am...I'd be bummed for a week.She's a great person with a great heart who is trying to give him an opportunity with his Grandson that,honestly,he doesn't deserve.

She's the better person for having tried....

kids are hard.....watching them hurt and having no control of it is just the most sinking feeling.

As much as I hate it...you're doing the right thing,she'll figure it out.....youre a great Mom for letting her see it on her own(as hideous as it prob is though )She'll be able to look back one day and also see that all the times he wasn't there YOU were...and chances are THATS what she'll remember.So as hurtful as she sees the situation NOW...down the road she'll look back at it and only see YOU and it won't be hurt that she remembers.


HUGS TO BOTH OF YA.....(and your dh who I imagine is gonna try so hard to make you feel better)


ray:

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That sounds exactly like my dad. I haven't really talked to him in 2 years. I got tired of trying and being let down.

That is how my relationship is with my Mom.

It is very hard to let go, and I give her (your dd) credit for trying. I tried with my Mom for close to 10 years probably before I "gave up" completely.

Now, I can't even stand to be in the same room with her. When James and I got married I didn't even want to invite her. But I did anyway.

Anyway, like mommy2mercedes said, you are doing the right thing, she has to figure it out on her own. Otherwise she will resent you for making decisions for her, ya know?

Big Hugs to both of you.

And don't feel bad, you didn't know how he was going to turn out when he fathered your children. Don't beat yourself up, there isn't anything you can do to change it.

Big Hugs again!!

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I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are. ~ Frances Moore Lappe